DaveZdyrko.com

While I was walking to the corner store to pick up some liquor and chips for Brandon’s Super Bowl party, I got to witness one of the hottest girls I’ve seen in my life. She was really tall and very thin, but had some amazing curves. Her chest was fighting hard against her sports bra and she had one of the most amazing asses I’ve ever seen on a girl that tall and skinny. I instantly fell in love. If it was the caveman days, I would’ve tripped her as she passed by and drug her back to my cave. But since it isn’t, I had to resort to depositing her imagery into my Spank Bank™ for later use. Maybe I can squeeze one out before I head down to the party!

Thankfully it’s nice and toasty in my bed right now, because it’s apparently something like 10 degrees below zero outside when you factor in the wind chill. It’s going to be a dreadful walk to my car tomorrow morning when I go to work, as it’s parked at the Marriott that’s a couple blocks away.

More now than ever I really wish my building finished the garage renovations on time because a spot would be absolute heaven right now. If I don’t post again after this, it probably means that I froze to death on the way to work and you’ll likely see something on the news about them finding a giant and tremendously ugly prehistoric beast looking thing in a block of ice in Brookline.

I know I said I would update yesterday with a pair of Babe of the Week honorees to catch me up, but I’m an alcoholic and you can’t trust our kind. The big problem with my semi-promise was that it was Matt Murphy’s Tuesday and I didn’t have time for the website. You see, every other Tuesday we hit up Matt Murphy’s Pub in Brookline to listen to our friend and co-worker Geoff Scott play some music. It’s always a great time because the music’s always excellent and the pub is wicked awesome and it’s become a mandatory event.

Last night, however, was a bit sketchy. It was fantastic at the place and I had an amazing time, but I got wicked lost on the walk home — even more so than two weeks ago when the random hot young girl brought me into her home for some coffee. I ended up near Cleveland Circle, which is hella far from where I needed to be and in the completely wrong direction. I also kept trying to take drunken naps on the sidewalk but a very kind police officer kept waking me up and telling me to get home. I begged for a lift at one point, but he said he wasn’t allowed to and that he could only call a cab…but, since I was out of cash and for some reason Boston cabs are anti-credit cards that didn’t do me any good.

I eventually found my way to Beacon St, where my apartment is on, but it was crazy far from where I lived and in completely the opposite direction from where I should’ve been heading. I was so pissed because I just wanted to get home and I took my frustrations out on Brandon’s voicemail. Anyway, the duo of Babes is coming soon. The exact time is TBD, much like the continuation of the World Series that nobody seems to be watching.

First, I had an amazing time last night. I’ll blog about all of the night’s events tonight while catching up on all the Tivo shows that have been piling up. For now, I just wanted to share the strange events that capped off the enjoyable night for me and highly entertaining evening for all those lucky enough to meet me while I was apparently at my absolute best.

After leaving Matt Murphy’s Pub in Brookline, I started stumbling home since I just live about a mile away and Brandon and I have made the walk a ton of times since we go there every other Tuesday to listen to our friend Geoff play some great music. The only difference was that I was doing the walk alone this time, since Justice bailed early and missed out on all of the night’s highlights, and I was about 10 times drunker than normal.

I somehow made the wrong turn and ended up in an area that I hadn’t ever seen before and couldn’t figure out where the hell I was. Since I was really tired and drunk, I got a little frustrated by the walking around aimlessly so I decided to find a comfy area on the sidewalk to pass out on. At this time, I called practically every friend in my phone in an attempt to get some help getting home (sorry!).

Then at some point while I was resting my eyes, this really hot girl rolled up and felt concerned enough to check on my safety. Here’s a recap of the dialog between us to that led to her actually bringing a complete stranger and obnoxiously drunk man into her home after 2AM in the morning:

Hottie: “Hey, are you okay?”

Me: “I’m doing great! I’m just resting my eyes and trying to rest up.”

Hottie: “So are you homeless or something?”

Me: “Yeah, I just lost all my money in the stock market and I was forced to decide between paying for my iPhone or paying rent. I chose the iPhone!”

Hottie: [laughs] “You need helping getting home?”

Me: “Nah, I just need some time to sober up and then I’ll be able to find my way.”

Hottie: “You should come inside and let me make you a cup coffee.”

Me: “Okay.”

[Hottie sticks out her hand and helps me up and we start walking to her door.]

Hottie: “You gotta promise not to rape me or anything if I let you in.” [chuckles]

Me: “While I would absolutely love to rape you, it’s not going to happen. You ever hear that of that song ‘Too Drunk To Fuck’? Well, the girl who wrote it is my ex-girlfriend.”

[Hottie laughs and then we go inside.]

Not really much of significance happened after that. She got me a coffee, we talked a little and then I left. I still didn’t know how to get home so I found another place on the sidewalk to rest and made a few more calls before Paula and her boyfriend called me back and helped me find my way thanks to the power of Google Maps.

I’m still just shocked that some random hot, young and very attractive girl would invite my drunk ass into her place in the middle of the night. Extremely nice of her, but probably not the brightest of moves! I’m a good guy, but there was no way for her to know that!