Whether or not you put them ahead or behind his Airness, there’s no denying that we have THREE guys in the league right now who draw comparisons with MJ. You could argue till your nuts fall off over who’s the best between Lebron, Wade and Bryant and each can make a claim at being on the same level as Jordan. We also have studs like Dwight Howard, KG, Paul Pierce, Tim Duncan, Chris Paul, Deron Williams, and others who are or will be considered all time greats for their respective teams and/or positions.

There’s just so much talent in the league right now and we’re in an era where defense is actually very important. Back in the ’80s and ’90s most teams didn’t really D up all that much. Other than the Bad Boy Pistons or Jordan’s Bulls, the majority of the league tended to play like the Phoenix Suns of recent years. Just watch some old games on ESPN Classic and you’ll see what I mean. The growth of defense, to me, really makes the play of guys like Lebron, Wade and Kobe even stand out more.

What really kills me, though, is that I just HATE watching basketball nowadays. It seems that regardless of whether the team I’m rooting for wins or loses, there are always about a dozen or so horrific fouls that have been called that end up ruining my experience. The refs often appear to have more control over the outcomes of these games than the players. And it doesn’t matter if they’re “on the take” or just ridiculously awful at what they do, it just kills my love for the sport. The NBA needs to fix this because these players are just so amazing and it’s a shame that the sport isn’t reaping the benefits that it ought to be with all this marketable talent. Fixing the ref problem would make a massive difference.

A lot of the credit goes to the Lakers’ D, but guys like Pierce and Garnett just needed to be more aggressive instead of settling for bricks from long range. The reason I thought this was ours for the taking was that despite Kobe’s and Sasha’s efforts, the rest of the team didn’t really do that well. You’re not going to get many games where Odom, Gasol and Fisher all play that poorly on the offensive end in LA. Not to mention the fact that Lakers tried to give it away by making only 61% of their foul shots. I still think we might be able to take at least one of the next two games, but if we don’t then this game will likely be looked at as one that we let slip away.

Yessssss!!!!!!!! The Celtics are back in the NBA Finals after a 21 year drought and they’ll be in a dream match-up with the league’s MVP Kobe Bryant and his magnificent Los Angeles Lakers. I’m so fucking excited that my heart is just racing like crazy and I can’t help but grin from ear to ear.

To close out Detroit in Auburn Hills tonight in Game 6 was thrilling and I’m so proud of my boys for coming through with their 2nd road win this series. The best part is that it seems we’re getting big games from different people every night. Pierce and Allen came through tonight and so did did role players like James Posey who had a brilliant 4th quarter defensively. The three straight missed free throws definitely made my heart miss a few beats, but the bottom line is that they scored enough points and made enough shots to win.

I’m scared shitless of the Finals match-up with the Lakers and thoroughly believe we’re the underdogs, but, hell, that’s why they play the games. All it takes is another four more wins. It should be an amazing series and I would be beyond thrilled if the boys in green can pull this one out. Go Celtics!!!

The Detroit series will be a beast, particularly because of Boston’s road woes. However, I have faith in my boys and am hoping that they might just match up better against Detroit than they did against Atlanta or Cleveland — meaning that while Detroit is by far a better overall team than the Hawks or Cavs, they don’t have any scorers in the vein of a Lebron or Joe Johnson that really gave Boston problems. Nevertheless, I’m both nervous and excited. It should be a fun and hard fought series that will hopefully end with the C’s in the NBA Finals.

Speaking of fantastic, I’m even more thrilled by the fact that the Flyers finished off the Canadians last night putting them into the Eastern Conference Finals of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. They finished 22-48-12 last season, which was dead last in the NHL with only 56 points, so making it this far has been a fun, albeit stressful, ride. I can’t wait to see them take on Crosby, Malkin and the Pens (assuming they don’t collapse against the Rangers).

The Flyers, as per form, got a 2-0 lead only to blow it and make things interesting before finally coming out on top. The finish is all that matters in the end, but if I start getting gray hairs or have a stroke the blame is going to be put on them. I’m really hoping they can close it out this weekend. My fingers are crossed and a blade isn’t coming anywhere near my playoff “beard” (if you can call the long scraggly hairs hanging under my chin a beard).

The C’s did exactly what they did in the first two home games — blow out the Hawks — so now it’s time to see if they can pull things together in Atlanta’s raucous arena to finally close out this series on Friday. I don’t want to see it go to a game 7 in either series, because I’m not sure if my heart could take it.

After I get a little rest, I think it’ll be time to head back out to truly get the most about this weather. This is the time when the girls around her tend to bust out their skimpiest and sexiest outfits. The summer clothes. I freaking love it!

Dear Dave:That last update gave me 3 things to write to you about.

1. Enchanted. Great movie. I felt kind of homo for seeing it in theaters with another dude, but I liked it a lot. What ‘d you think?

2. Lost Odyssey. What do you think? I’m guessing your marathon session means you’d recommend it, but I feel like its reviews have been somewhat mediocre. But, I haven’t played a good JRPG since FFXII 6 months ago and haven’t played one with a traditional-ish battle system since Xenosaga III more than a year ago, so I am intrigued and want to know what you think about it.

3. Miley Cyrus. Dude, she’s total jailbait and you should just embrace it. I still watch the Disney Channel (something I don’t usually publicize since I’m 21), and a couple years back, I saw a preview for Hannah Montana and saw her strutting her stuff. I thought, “Wow, she’s pretty hot. I wonder how old she is.” So I IMDb-ed her, found out she was 13, and felt really awkward and creepy. Since then, I’ve come to peace with my creepiness and just accepted she’d be worth breaking the law for… Side question, how do you find out her/all other famous celebrity’s weight? It’s not on IMDb, so I feel like its secret info that you just somehow have access to.

Well, that was really long, but whatever, I guess it’ll make your Dear Dave more interesting.
– VK (Chicago, IL)

Dave Z: Well, here goes…

1) Seeing that with another dude is slightly homo unless you missed school and/or work to see it and you obeyed the 1 seat straight buffer. But, yeah, it’s definitely a bit on the Swiss side, but a damn good movie nonetheless. I had zero intention of watching it and was gearing up to hate on it after being forced to by my roommies, but it was a thoroughly enjoyable experience even though none of the chicks were hot. Some of the shit that came out of their mouths just cracked me up like you wouldn’t believe. It was genius at some points.

2) I love Lost Odyssey. I read the reviews and don’t agree at all with the majority of them. So many bashed it for being a traditional-style Japanese RPG and that’s honestly what about it that makes my cooch moist. There’s nothing wrong with a good old-fashioned battle system and it shouldn’t be bashed just because it’s not “next-gen” in that respect. I actually hate a lot of the “next-gen” type improvements that are being put in some of the newer RPGs.

Instead of bashing it for not being innovative in this respect, give it some praise for doing what it does really well. At least for the first 30 or so hours of the game, you really must use your head and be strategic how you fight most enemies — not just bosses. You get rewarded for fighting intelligently rather than just doing all attacks and whatnot.

I also love how they dealt with the one of the major issues that face practically all RPGs — the leveling up/grinding and how it affects boss battle difficulty. Again, for the first 30 or so hours of the game, there really is no level grinding because of the way they handled the experience points based on where you’re at in the game. Most dungeons have a base level that they think you should be at and if you’re below that, your characters will basically go up a level every single battle until you’re there. But when you’re past it, the experience points earned and levels gained are minimal so you won’t get overly powered for the next level.

This helped create an extremely balanced play experience for most of the game. I say most because there is a point towards the end where you can grind and get high enough of a level and get enough skills where most enemies, including the final boss, is a cake walk. Nevertheless, the developers should get major props in the form of Jessica Alba blow jobs for doing something so “innovative” for solving this problem in RPGs. The other way that it’s been tackled is to always have the monsters’ levels based on your party’s levels and that just never worked out all that great. Anyway, I really enjoyed the game and think it’s a must-play for fans of JRPGs.

3) I honestly do. I write some shit to keep the feds off my back. Plus, I’m of the belief that celebrity females don’t count when it comes to certain laws. They’re fair game! So, yeah, I’d take the prison sentence to hit that.

As far as the celebrity weights, let’s just say that when a girl sits on my face I can guess her weight down to a tenth of an ounce. It’s one of my super powers.

Dear Dave: So how pissed where you after the Canes lost yesterday? Was it as bad when they got jobbed by the ref against OSU??
– Carlos (Miami, FL)

Dave Z: I actually wasn’t the least bit pissed at all and enjoyed the game (at least the last four minutes) tremendously. I even gave my boys a standing ovation after the final buzzer because they deserved it for the amazing season they had. It was a lot of fun watching them play and to see them get wins in both the ACC & NCAA tourneys was hella dope. I couldn’t be happier about the season they gave me.

Dear Dave: You seem to like all sports, this include NASCAR? If so, like any drivers?
– Rogg (NC)

Dave Z: I enjoy NASCAR quite a bit. I think it might be partially due to my 6+ years of living in Dover, DE where the population increases tenfold whenever there’s a race at Dover Downs. As far as the drivers, I’m a fan of Jeff Gordon mainly because I everyone seemed to boo him and hate on him, so I thought it was fun to cheer for him. Plus, he’s a damn fine driver. I also like seeing Tony Stewart win cause he’s an ass and I like that about him.

Dear Dave: My girl won’t let me do her in the bum. I’ve never done it before but wanna see what it’s all about. Any suggestions on how to get her to let me?
–Anonymous

Dave Z: First things, I hope you’re not using the word “bum” when you ask for it. If you are, being a bit more Alpha-male about things and just saying, “listen bitch, I’m fucking you in the ass tonight, you best eat light today and consider getting yourself an enema,” might help your cause.

If the aggressive approach isn’t your style and you don’t think you could pull it off convincingly, then my suggestion would be to Pearl Harbor her ass. Just get her drunk to the point where she’s half-asleep, get her to have consensual drunken sex with you and then do a sneak attack on the back door and claim that it was an accident if she has issue with it. Most likely she’ll be too drunk to care or better yet she’ll enjoy it and want it more. Good luck!

If you would like your question answered in a future update to “Dear Dave”, fell free to contact me.

The majority of the games have been blowouts and boring to watch, there haven’t been any real upsets and I’m already practically eliminated from my money pool even though the first day’s games aren’t even over. I’ve only picked 3 out of the first 7 correctly and the picks that I thought were stupid have proven to be just that.

I guess that makes me a genius in knowing that I was a moron in making my ridiculous picks. Knowing my luck, the first “upset” of the tourney will be Miami losing tomorrow. Although, I would honestly consider it an upset if Miami won. I really wish we weren’t seeded that high, an 11-13 seed would’ve been much more appropriate. A lower seed might have also helped our chances as weird as that may sound.

Anyway, I hope tonight (OJ Mayo vs Beasley!) and tomorrow proves to be much better. Regardless, I just adore that I can watch all this shit online while at work thanks to the NCAA March Madness on Demand on CBS Sports.

Why do I bring this up again? Well, the Memphis Grizzlies recently completed a trade of its superstar Paul Gasol that looks infinitely worse than the one Kevin McHale got lambasted for when he traded KG to the Celts. Oh, and guess who the trade was with? Yeah, the Los Angeles Lakers. Kobe’s team gave up some scrubs and netted a bona fide stud in Gasol (who debuted with LA tonight scoring 24 pts and pulling down 12 rebounds). It’s as if the basketball god’s (or the NBA front office) is looking for a classic Lakers versus Celtics NBA final to help up its ratings after way too many piss poor draws thanks to teams like the San Antonio Spurs being dominant. It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out.

Miami Dolphins – 6 years (last playoff appearance 2001 season)
Miami Hurricanes – 4 years (last BCS bowl appearance 2003 season)
Baltimore Orioles – 10 years (last playoff appearance 1997 season)
Boston Celtics – 2 years (last playoff appearance ‘04/’05 season)
Philadelphia Flyers – 1 year (last playoff appearance ‘05/’06 season)

I guess things could be worse, like I could have giant puss-filled blisters covering my penis, but my sports life has really been sucking! The 2 year drought for the Celtics might not seem that bad, but they haven’t had a legitimate shot for much longer than that. Almost everyone makes the playoffs in basketball and hockey, so just getting there isn’t a big deal. The Flyers, on the other hand, have always been that team that would get my hopes up before something would happen and their Stanley Cup hopes would be dashed (that something often being ass hat Brodeur and the Devils’ neutral zone trap)

Maybe I’m just being a whiny ass bitch, too, and was spoiled in my youth. I got to watch the Orioles win a World Series in 1983. Got to see the Miami Hurricanes crowned National Champions five times, including once with me in attendance at the 2001 Rose Bowl (where I actually prayed to God and said “I’d never ask for anything again if they won that game”…hmmm). I even got to see the Celtics hoist three championship banners in the Larry Bird era.

It’s just that all of it seems ages ago and the stars that I idolized are all gone. Ripken, Bird, & Marino are no more. Lindros was gone before he even retired and before he even left Philly. I’ll never be able to put up any athlete on a pedestal as I was able to as a young teen. If you just count the pros, I haven’t had the chance to see one of the teams I’ve rooted for win a title since the ‘85/’86 Boston Celtics more than 20 years ago.

Things are looking really good for the Celtics this year, but I think it’s more of an issue of Bostonians being blessed than my personal curse wavering (see Patriots & Red Sox). It also makes me wonder if I’m being punished for not following the same teams as my dad (he’s a New Englander) and picking up random teams on my own. Then again, it wasn’t my fault that he was in the Air Force and we were stationed in Guam at the time I started following sports and I ended up picking up my teams based on who I saw on TV, whose uniform colors I liked, and whose baseball or football cards I deemed cool.