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"Dear Dave"

Saturday, April 12, 2003

 

My sweet Diana on Stern

Hey Dave, I turned on Stern tonight on the E channel and none other than your favorite E3 spank bank girl Dianna Kauffman was the guest. Baba Booey tried to proposition her to get naked, but to no avail. She did get in a bikini with a thong bottom though. She admitted that she has had lesbian experiences and a three-some with her old boyfriend. And she also said she's really into big fat guys who have a copy of Snatcher on the Sega CD. Just fuckin with you on that last one. Hope you get to see it.

John

I'm almost mad that I no longer have cable. I would've loved to see that.

More torture

HEY DAVE!!

Hey Dave, I'm assuming 300 bazillion horny fanboys are emailing and PMing and calling and telestrating on your cable feed messages about this right now, but I wanted to make sure that you knew -- and more importantly that former roomie Bishop knew -- that Diana Kauffman is on that Howard Stern show right now. She'd better give you a nod for all that you've done for her career. Either that, or she'd better fess up to some major drunken lesbian college history.

If I see her again at this year's E3, I'm going to ask her for a quick blow job as payment for what I've done for her.

Master of great advice

To the Great Z,

Whats up man? I'm hanging out with my good friends Jack and Shit at the moment. Anyway I'm just writing to ask your opinion on a couple of things that are happening in my life right now. Right now I'm a college student; my major is Computer Science and I'm about halfway done. I've gotten my associates degree, and managed to obtain some of the basic certifications, but something just doesn't feel right. I enjoy the college lifestyle but lately I just can't motivate myself to go to class at all. I'm really not sure what is wrong with me because I've never had these problems before. I feel like I just wanna live my life for me, the way I want to live, but I get frustrated because I know it's not possible. In order to survive I've
got to find a 9-5 job, and it is driving me fucking crazy! Have you ever felt like this? Anyway, maybe I'm just stuck right now, and maybe it'll all pass. I sure hope so.

And now on to something else that is really fucking me up right now...after dealing with so many stupid, bitchy women I think I've finally found the one who is right for me. The way I feel for this girl is a way that I've felt about no one else. The problem is that she is a Japanese foreign exchange student who will only be in the states for a little while longer. She is
desperately looking for ways to stay, but things are hard right now, with the war and everything. One way or the other the relationship will continue no matter where she is as I love her very much and she loves me. But it'll be very hard as this is about as long as a long distance relationship can be. Of course, I know the one sure-fire way to keep her with me forever but
that kind of scares the shit out of me. I'm only 21 for god's sake! Anyway, I just don't know what I should do right now. Really, I just needed to vent my feelings I guess. I'm very much an optimist so I'm hoping that things work out for the best. Anyway, thanks for listening(or reading), what the fuck ever, your the best man! Seeing how you've straightened out your life really is an inspiration to me. Keep on kicking ass man.

Best regards,

Adam

I think college just does that to you -- and, yeah, I've felt like that many times. It'll pass, but it'll likely rear it's ugly head every once in a while throughout your life. As for the love advice, just do whatever the fuck makes you happy. You only live once, so you might as well do what you want now when you can. Cliche'd enough for ya?

Xbox Live

hey, great site!

a couple questions:
1 do you have live for xbox
2 if so, what is your gametag

thx for the info, id be honored to play live against you

Jason Nevins

Yes, I do have Live. But, I don't get time to use it all that much. Though, I'll be glad to play at some time in the future -- my gamer tag is SpankBank.

Time to slow down!

Alrighty, not funny! You start out at nearly 400lbs and I'm agreeing with ya-- time to lose some weight. But now that you're approaching the 250 mark, you're starting to make those of us that aren't so "overweight" look like major fatties. I'm around 235lbs and would prefer to be sitting pretty at 200, but it's not going to happen because I'm not going to put the effort into it. Besides, other than a tummy pat and a glare from my girlfriend every so often I don't really ever think about it. Alright, I do... and reading your site for all of these months and seeing you crawl down into my area of comfort just makes it more annoying. For the first third of my life I was one of those people that everyone else complained about. I could eat what I wanted, do what I wanted and I sat at 190lbs for so many years. But then I hit 25 and that's all history. Six years later, it's beer gut without the beer.

Good work on the weight loss. But stay above 250! ;) You're going to make a lot of people look bad if you keep going at this!

Geoff

Alright, I'll stop. I've been dying to eat some Carl's Jr on a day other than Sunday and this gives me a good excuse to do it.

Special props

Dave,

I've been to your page once or twice to look at the Babes of the Week. Man, Jaymee Ong is amazing. Good find man.

I just wanted to say how impressed I was with your weightloss. Back in college I started to pack on the weight but managed to bring it down. It was just 40 pounds but it took some discipline. I can only imagine what over 100 must take. Anyway, major props bro and keep it up.

Andy

It's not me, it's all Jaymee. She's helped inspired me to get rid of some of my extra fat.

Girs, girls, girls

hey,

Great site u got here, very entertaining. I was lookin at the babe of the week page and i have a coupla suggestions. The first one is a girl that i think not many people kno about but she's bangin and im surprised she hasnt gotten more popular. Her name is Mandy Schaffer and she's in this movie called "Tease" that i stumbled on when i was flippin thru the channels one nite. I'm very glad i did. Horrible movie but great eye candy. I couldnt really find anythin on her but maybe u can. The second is Minki van der Westhuizen, thats a mouthful, she was recently on the cover of maxim and im sure u saw it but if u didnt its unreal. She is gorgeous, well deserving of the title of babe of the week.

Also by the way Pennelope (Penelope) Jimenez, and lisa gleaves are awesome choices, they should have so many more pics available of them but i cant find too much on either of them,

so long, keep up the good work

I'll have to give those ladies a look, I don't know them by name -- but that doesn't mean Ihaven't seen them. Thanks.

Excellent idea

A little somthing funny(but useful) I got from a friend.

Peace Activist Etiquette

With all of this talk of impending war, many of us will encounter "Peace Activists" who will try and convince us that we must refrain from retaliating against the ones who terrorized us all on September 11, 2001, and those who support terror. These activists may be alone or in a gathering.....most of us don't know how to react to them. When you come upon one of these people, or one of their rallies, here are the proper rules of etiquette:

1. Listen politely while this person explains their views. Strike up a conversation if necessary and look very interested in their ideas. They will tell you how revenge is immoral, and that by attacking the people who did this to us, we will only bring on more violence. They will probably use many arguments, ranging from political to religious to humanitarian.

2. In the middle of their remarks, without any warning, punch them in the nose.

3. When the person gets up off of the ground, they will be very angry and they may try to hit you, so be careful.

4. Very quickly and calmly remind the person that violence only brings about more violence and remind them of their stand on this matter. Tell them if they are really committed to a nonviolent approach to undeserved attacks, they will turn the other cheek and negotiate a solution. Tell them they must lead by example if they really believe what they are saying.

5. Most of them will think for a moment and then agree that you are correct, retaliation is wrong.

6. As soon as they do that, hit them again. Only this time hit them much harder. Square in the nose.

7. Repeat steps 2-5 until the desired results are obtained and the idiot realizes how stupid of an argument he/she is making.

There is no difference in an individual attacking an unsuspecting victim or a group of terrorists attacking a nation of people. It is unacceptable and must be dealt with. Perhaps at a high cost.

We owe our military a huge debt for what they are doing for us and our children. We must support them and our leaders at times like these. We have no choice. We either strike back, VERY HARD, or we will keep getting hit in the nose.

Lesson over, class dismissed.

That is fucking hilarious. I'd love to test that shit out.

BFL

First of all congratz on the loss of poundage. I was wondering being someone who is close to your former size. does the Body For Life book give you all the info you need or do you have to get all the stuff from the website also?

you’re an insparation(sp?)

He Who Rules All Monkeys

I used both the book and the website. The website pretty much provided the workout sheets that I could print out and the book with the basic guidelines for it all.

Nothin' but a skank

yike! britney was looking pretty bad in those pics! and her tits were virtually non-existant! funny that she was smokin tho.. heh..
well.. id still hit it...

She's been going downhill for a while now. She peaked as a school girl...

Britney's tits

Whats up Dave,

I think your weightloss is going to Britney's legs. And I also am left wondering where her tits went to.

Color me baffled.

It's always been my theory that either Britney never got implants and just had great push-up braws or she gets them and removes them at her own leisure.

Stupid Washington protester

Hey Dave,
Check this out. Another stupid Washington protestor:

Take 1:
http://www.theolympian.com/home/news/20030319/frontpage/23705.shtml

Take 2:
http://www.theolympian.com/home/news/20030321/extra/24862.shtml

I actually know this guy too... it's truly sad.

-Brian

That rocks.

NCAA roster save

how current are these rosters? thanks

They're kind of old...

 

If you have a question, about games or life in general, just send it to "Dear Dave".