DaveZdyrko.com

Sweet, Sweet, Elaine

Dave Z — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 18:58:36 +0000

I keep hoping that I can either land a video game job in Florida or have the company I work for open up a branch in the State because I have a serious addiction to FL girls. The year round warm weather that causes the need to always stay fit and in shape not only brings the hotties, it helps form them. Moving there would also have the added benefit of being able to get season tickets to the Miami Hurricanes and Dolphins, but I digress, we’re talking about the State’s obnoxious plethora of tight bodied beauties here.

A perfect example of what the Sunshine State has to offer is the lovely Elaine Alden, a fine product of Miami, FL that apparently resides in Orlando. She is a perfect example of what I love about Florida and why I figure I ought to live there some day. And despite her resemblance to Tom Brady in the chin, she’s one of the hottest girls around and more than worthy of being named my Babe of the Week.

Don’t Let The Name Fool You

Dave Z — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 02:00:19 +0000

I may have put my initial backing behind another girl, but I won’t lose any sleep if Stevie Lynn ends up winning Maxim’s Hometown Hotties contest for 2009. The truth is that they’re both quite worthy of starring in your own personal in-brain pornographic movies or imaginary relationships, depending on whatever tends to float your boat. Either way, Stevie is a straight dime and gets to add a Babe of the Week to her resume regardless of whether or not she finishes atop the “other” contest.

Last Night’s Saving Grace

Dave Z — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 17:21:27 +0000

Halloween was an epic fail for the most part. After a two-hour wait in line, I wasn’t able to get into Gypsy because of the aforementioned “New Years Eve Incident” and then after an hour wait to get into Estate they decided to shut down the line and stop letting people in. As such, the main highlights of the evening was seeing the smoking hot Brazilian chick from Miami (probably the hottest girl I’ve seen in Boston), seeing some drunk blonde chick take a nose dive while trying to step over the ropes in front of Estate (she fell and went face first into the pavement, likely breaking her nose), and finally my boy Harris, who was dressed as a cop, dealing with this extremely emotional drunk guy.

The latter was by far one of the most comical events I’ve witnessed in a long time. Harris’ cop costume was so good that even the real Boston cops thought he was real and were left impressed. People all night were thinking he was the real deal, including this drunk guy that got kicked out of Estate and was desperately trying to get in contact with his boys. He started begging Harris to help him out because he thought he was a real police officer and Harris played the part perfectly. This shit went on for at least 15 minutes and Harris even had the guy try and do his ABC’s backwards at one point and this made me just lose it and have to turn around and cover my mouth to keep the laughter down.

The guy never caught on that Harris wasn’t a real cop and my boy kept in character the entire time. There was even this point where the guy was in tears begging Harris to put him in jail because he was from Lawrence, MA and this was his first time ever in Boston and didn’t want to sleep on the streets. He was in tears, constantly calling him sir, apologizing, and just begging relentlessly for assistance. He kept saying how he wasn’t really that drunk and that while he does get belligerent some times that he didn’t deserve to be kicked out (I’ve been there before!). It was just beyond comical and saved what was ultimately a complete failure of a night.

Clever Costume Gets Me Laid

Dave Z — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 15:45:13 +0000

One of my favorite things about Halloween is that it gives me a chance to show my wit and humor in what I’m wearing and that makes it significantly easier to get past what’s often the hardest challenge with picking up chicks — the opening. For this year’s festivities, I went with a gift tag that said “To: Women, From: God” and a bow on my head…with the idea being that I’m “God’s Gift To Women” (you can see the photo in the post below). It was a huge hit Friday and Saturday nights and I got compliments on how clever it was and how it was the best costume they’ve seen from about 30 or so guys and girls.

While it didn’t help me much last night, as I was unable to get into Gypsy after a two hour wait in line because the bouncers still remembered the “New Year’s Eve Incident” from 11 months ago, it had the ultimate success Friday night at a couple of bars around where I live near Faneuil Hall. It proved to be a great opener and I was able to get about a half dozen girls to kiss me as a reward for my cleverness.

That initially looked like it would be the peak of it, because at some point I realized I was beyond shit-faced and needed to head home and call it a night. Even though I was a just a few blocks from my apartment building I got lost and tried to sleep on the sidewalk, but then a really nice guy and girl were super cool and helped me up and hailed a cab for me. At this point, I thanked them and got in…but this is where the night turned around heavily in my favor.

Just as I was telling the cab driver my address, the door opens and this smoking hot blonde jumped in. The driver said that the cab’s already taken and she replied, “I’m going with him”. Drunk out of my mind and dumbfounded, I just gave her and confused look, to which she said, “I want my gift.” Not quite all there, I didn’t get it and replied, “huh?”. She then pointed at my gift tag and then the light bulb went off in my head and it started to make some sense. Apparently, she saw me a few times during the night, loved the costume, thought it was extremely clever and kept hoping I’d talk to her — I don’t ever remember seeing her or else I would have tried.

Sadly, most of the events are fairly blurry. We made out some in the cab, we hooked up when we got back to my place, and then around 8AM I woke up next to her perfect naked body. I debated snapping a bunch of pictures with my iPhone, but my non-creepy half (okay, maybe it’s a non-creepy 1/8th) won out and I just went back to sleep. A little before 1PM, she woke up and got out of bed to go to the bathroom and then when she came back to the room to get dressed, I was able to confirm that in the sunlight and even after a night of heavy drinking, that this girl was beautiful — perfect from head-to-toe. Turned out to be a sweet girl, too, as I was fully expecting her to embarrassingly bolt as soon as she realized “what” she had done, but she simply got dressed, gave me a forehead kiss and said, “Thanks for last night, I’m gonna head out.”

And, that was that. No names were ever exchanged. I probably will never see her again and even if I did, I don’t even know how I’d react. Nevertheless, a huge win in my book and by far the hottest girl I’ve had since moving to Boston.

My $2.49 Halloween Costume

Dave Z — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:52:15 +0000

I decided to go for a low-budget Halloween costume that would simply be an embodiment of who I am — and this is what I went with:

Follow Me On Twitter

Dave Z — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 14:32:42 +0000

While I do fully intend to update this site more in the near future, your best bet to follow my daily happenings would be to do so via Twitter. It’s something I do every day — even more than masturbation, okay maybe not — and it’s more of a guaranteed thing that my intentions to update this site more, which is about as consistent with my intentions on losing weight and exercising every morning.

Play Quick Hit Football!

Dave Z — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:56:55 +0000

For all you football or videogame lovers out there, the game that I’ve been slaving away at in Boston over the past 14 months has recently gone live in Beta. The game is Quick Hit Football and it’s a free-to-play online football game that you can play on your PC or MAC. The game is still in Beta, so it’s buggy and we have a long way to go before it’s considered complete — however, even in it’s infant stages it’s a lot of fun and admittedly quite addicted.

More of My Shit for Sale

Dave Z — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 13:54:47 +0000

The eBay fire sale continues, although I’m getting pretty close to having sold every thing that I’m willing to part with at the moment. Today’s auction items include a bunch of PS2 games plus a few items that I have no clue how I ended up in my possession. :p

If I get even more desperate, I may have to start parting ways with my Saturn/DC collection, Turbo Duo, Dracula X, Panzer Dragoon Saga, and the DVDs that I have left that I actually really love. The Hannah Montana box set will never be sold! It will be there long after the blanket that’s supposed to keep me warm on freezing Winter nights on the streets of Boston!

Some QHF Love From Tech Crunch

Dave Z — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 03:05:42 +0000

As you should know, I’m working on this little game called Quick Hit Football that’s currently in Beta now. It’s been getting some good press coverage. including this excellent write-up by Jason Kincaid over at Tech Crunch.

Leslie Kay For President!

Dave Z — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 15:08:26 +0000

Alright, so maybe there isn’t a Presidential election right now, but my newest Babe of the Week and current babe I’m crushing on on pleasuring myself hourly to, Leslie Kay Neslon, could use your vote. She’s one of the finalists in Maxim’s Hometown Hotties 2009 and she’s most-deserving of a victory considering my infatuation. Do your part and vote for her! Meanwhile, help me find a tissue, sock, t-shirt or wash cloth that isn’t already stiff and crusty…

More eBay Auctions

Dave Z — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 02:29:00 +0000

The Dave Z fire sale continues with another four eBay auctions.

I think I’m getting to the end of the stuff I can/want to sell, but we’ll see. Might get rid of my PS2 Guitar Hero 2 and 2 guitars and my JPN Nintendo 64, too. But I might just use Craig’s List instead so I can avoid the hassle of shipping those. After those are gone…all I’ll have is some Dave Z-used cum rags and dirty underwear.

Buy Buy My Wii Wii

Dave Z — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 02:20:38 +0000

The selling off all my worldly possessions to pay for hookers and beer is continuing with my eBay auction for my Nintendo Wii plus Super Mario Galaxy, Wii Play, Wii Sports, and some extras. My uncontrollable need for sex and liquor is your opportunity for bargains.

Nintendo Wii + Super Mario Galaxy, Wii Play, Wii Sports, 2 Controllers, 1 Nunchuck, RGB Cable

Buy My Stuff

Dave Z — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 01:07:02 +0000

I’m in a rough spot right now so I’ve been forced to start selling off some of my shit I’ve collected over the years, starting off with some of my massive DVD and video games collections. Here are the links to my eBay auctions if you’re interested:

QHF Top 15 Sports Game of 2009!

Dave Z — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 13:38:50 +0000

The game I’ve been slaving away on — Quick Hit Football — made Game Pro’s list of the Top 15 Sports Games of 2009! We still got a lot of work to do, but I hope we can come through with something that’ll be truly amazing.

Quick Hit Football Trailer!

Dave Z — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 14:20:25 +0000

It’s the official trailer for the game I’m working on, so check it out and make an account. Here’s the link…

Chugging With Amanda

Dave Z — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 23:03:38 +0000

Bitches Take Up Time

Dave Z — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 13:58:51 +0000

That’s my excuse for letting this site fall apart. Will try to be better at multi-tasking, but I’m not making any promises.

Funny Texts From My Phone

Dave Z — Wed, 20 May 2009 20:35:57 +0000

My friend Lauralyn showed me some website this weekend that had allegedly real user-submitted text messages that were often quite hilarious and it made me go check my txt message logs to see what funny ones I’ve had over the years. Here’s a sample of some of the funny ones that I noticed…and keep in mind that these are 100% real and all currently on my iPhone SMS logs.

1: Where are you? Were leavin and want to say bye. DON’T BRRAK ANYTHING

1: U hung up
1: Call back
1: Bitch
2: Hold. we’re having roach issues. fucking justin killed three so far. omg

1: What’s wrong?
2: Got my penis stuck in a blow up doll
1: Hahahahaha weird me too

1: Ok I gottq go to sleep. Reeeeally weird. Cat locked in room. Guy on couch. Ugh don’t want anyone in my house.

1: U know!!! Yayyy log you
2: Log me… Hahaha. Read your last text

1: I have herpes
2: So what do you want me to do?
2: There is always valtrex

1: Drunk ass!!! Lol!
2. He’s lying. Only the srippers r drunk
1: Lol yeah those dirty herpes srippers

1. Pick up some condoms on the way cuz I’m all outt
2. what size?
1. idk you tell me. it’s never been in my mouth.

1: I am here baby. In the taxi now. Should I give the Indian guy or Punjabi road head? maybe I can get half off my taxi ride.
2: No way! Good chance all the cabbies in Boston have herpes from me already.
1: Yeah I see some crabs on the seats.
2: If you see one with a gangsta limp, tell donnie I said hey

1. The strippers say hi
2: Ahhh you bastard! Haha. The wife would kill me. Slap that ass for me!

1: Hujiuuuiiiii
2: Hey hey!
1: Wioiiiiiioooo
2: Haha drunk?
1: Nevertrrtttt

1: nudes?
2: anal?
1: omg ilu marry me now <3

1: I just got mcdonalds eww
2: Lol eww
1: I knooow
2: Maybe it’ll go right to ur tits
1: Let’s hope!

1. sent nudes!!
2. eww your belly is HUGE!
1. ewwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!
1. omg slitting wrists
2. the wrists aren’t the prob, i’d start with that half inch you can pinch
1. ASS!

1. plane landed!!
2. yayyyy can’t wait to meat you!
1. LOL funny typo.
2. umm not a typo
1. Who says I’d say yes??
2. Jack Daniels.
1. Fair enough

1. spread eagle?
2. nooooo I’m on my period!
1. even better!!!!

1. shit dude. wher teh fuckk r u?
2. Think I’m just going to stay in and watch shit on the DVR.
1. ummm, there are 3 nekkid strppers on the couuch and an 8ball of blow on the coffee tableee
2. dvr paused!

1. Dude wall to wall pussy at target ;p
2. Any of it on sale?

1. That was quick
2. That’s what she said!

1. How is it inside?
2. kinda sucks. the ratio is good but talent level is mediocre
1. Shit man, come outside we’ll hit up another place.
2. Be right out.
2. oh shit. nvm come in. drunk bachelorette just slipped and practically took her hot friend’s top off.
1. niiice! easy targets!

More Proof Hef is God

Dave Z — Sat, 09 May 2009 17:32:45 +0000

As if we even needed more proof that Hugh Hefner is a God among men, he had to go ahead and add a couple of hot 19 year old blonde twins to his stable of bitches to slam home the point even more. Despite getting up there in years, Hef still manages to see more twat than your average gynecologist — and a much higher standard of twat than what the typical gynecologist likely sees.

Anyway, he’s the man and his newest girlfriends, Karissa and Kristina Shannon are the latest additions to my Babe of the Week. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have, albeit it won’t likely be as much as Hef current is. Oh, well, we all can’t be God.

Gossip Girl Hottie

Dave Z — Tue, 05 May 2009 19:03:40 +0000

The best thing about watching Gossip Girl is that it typically offers good fodder for the Spank Bank™. I’ve already showcased one of the show’s many fine actresses (the underage one, obviously) and now I’m posting a second as my Babe of the Week.

This week’s special is the 5′10″ blonde beauty that goes by the name of Blake Lively. She’s a mad hot girl with some wicked long legs and is hella bangable.

Wildcat Revolution

Dave Z — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 19:28:57 +0000

Check out my Quick Hit blog about my thoughts on the Miami Dolphins drafting WVU QB Pat White in the 2nd round of this past weekend’s NFL Draft and why it has me super excited for the coming football season.

Bag of Weed

Dave Z — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:17:15 +0000

One of the funniest Family Guy’s ever…

The Keibler Elf is Pimp

Dave Z — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 19:48:02 +0000

I’m not sure if it’s his wife or a child he produced with his hot wife, but if the out-of-this-world stunning Stacy Keibler is in any way related to the Keibler Elf; that that little dude is one stone cold pimp. She’s without question one of the finest specimens of what human females have to offer and is unequestionably one of the sexiest Babe of the Week beauties that have yet been featured on this site. In case I haven’t gotten my point across — I’m infatuated with this girl and would give up 10 years on the end of my life for one night with her. Satan, you listening?

NFL Draft Drinking Game

Dave Z — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 02:45:25 +0000

I’ve put together a little drinking game for the 2009 NFL Draft for my company @ QuickHit.com. Check it out and follow the rules if you truly want to enjoy tomorrow’s NFL Draft — it will be the same game that I will be playing with Brandon & Roger and we plan to be completely plastered before the end of the first round if not sooner!

The “U” Named Playboy’s Top Party School!

Dave Z — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 21:20:18 +0000

The football team likely won’t produce a first day draft pick for the first time in ages, but at least the University of Miami has come out #1 in Playboy’s list of top Party Schools for 2009! I guess that’s better than nothing. It’s all about the “U”!