Fear no more as I’ve finally made the time to post last week’s Babe of the Week right as this week is almost over. Her name is Brenda Song and she’s the hot little Asian number that stars as London Tipton on some lame ass Disney Channel show I’ve been watching while heavily intoxicated lately. This week’s babe will be posted shortly.

Dear Dave: How many other Rock of Love girls or other Reality show starlets have nudes out there. I wonder if Bret would kick out nude/porn models like Flav did to Toastee.
-Jason (New York, NY)

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Dear Dave: That Leticia chick is hot. I might have to watch that geek show. Any other hot girls on it that got pics??
-Larry (Burbank, CA)

Dave Z: He would only kick them out if he thought it made for good television. I believe that they do extensive background checks on these women. In fact, I bet they pick the ones that have the histories just because it makes for better TV.

With regard to your first question, probably all of them. The people that go on these shows are typically attention whores that will do anything to be in the spotlight, which meant posing nekky for someone at some point for most of them. Here’s a few for your masturbatory enjoyment:

NSFW

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Tamara Witmer (Rock of Love)

Megan Hauserman (Rock of Love 2 / Beauty & the Geek 3)

Leticia Cline (Beauty & the Geek 5)

Kristy Joe Muller (Rock of Love 2)

Jillian Beyor (Beauty & the Geek 5)

Daisy DeLahoya (Rock of Love 2) — PS – I didn’t censor the pic

Amanda Hanshaw (Beauty & the Geek 4)

Amanda Corey (Beauty & the Geek 5)

Dear Dave: I was in your neighborhood this weekend and I think I saw you shooting hoops. You never said what a nice hook shot you’ve got — or what a mean elbow you throw. Seriously, dude, you ought to take it easy. Your friend’s gonna get some broken ribs if you’re not careful. Now, with respect to your experiment with “Extenze” I wanted to point out that if you encounter any positive results they shouldn’t be taken to mean anything–because you’re eating smart, working out, and mainting a positive attitude now and these things could also have an effect on your manhood. So, if you really want to take one for the team and discover if this product is as advertised, then you’re going to have to go back to eating like a hog, not exercising, and beating yourself up whenever you look in the mirror. You get what I’m saying here?
-Brian Nang (San Francisco, CA)

Dave Z: It must not have been me, or else you would have made comments about my Jordan-esque dunking ability.

As far as the Extenze goes, my eating smart, working out, etc, it’s just a 50/50 thing right now. I got shit-faced dick-limp drunk every night since I started taking that shit except for tonight. Plus, I made note of my “personal bests” and those were when I was probably the healthiest in both body and mind in my entire life. If I top those numbers, then this shit is legit.

Dear Dave: I see your Flyers made the playoffs and things are looking good for the Celtics…think your fortunes with sports teams are turning around?

Dave Z: Man, I don’t want to jinx anything. I’m just excited that both teams are in the playoffs and I’ll be cheering my ass off for both win or lose.

If you would like your question answered in a future update to “Dear Dave”, fell free to contact me.

Dear Dave: I’m sorry, did you say that none of the girls in Enchanted were hot? You realize that Amy Adams was in that movie, right? Bro, I would score my dong with a rusty razor blade and roll it in kosher salt just to sniff her panties.
-AlienDave (New Hampshire)

Dave Z: She’s cute but I don’t think her character’s personality helped her perception with me. Your rusty blade comment is a winner, however, and moved her up on my list by association.

Dear Dave: With respect to your obesity have you ever considered liposuction or, God forbid, gastric bypass surgery? If not why not? You use cheat codes in video games, right? This is exactly the same thing. Just take out a loan from the bank and go for it!
-Bill Rowland (London, Ontario)

Dave Z: I would never consider liposuction because I think it’s pointless to do unless you fixed the shit the made you a fat ass in the first place. I’ve read too many stories of fatties who got lipo only to put the weight back on before they eventually had to go under the knife again. That might be a plan if I pissed oil and shit gold, but since my excrement is typical of most humans it’s just not economically feasible.

The same pretty much goes with the gastric bypass. And even though the stapling of the stomach will make it harder for me to keep my bad habits, I can see myself binge eating afterwards to the point where I rip my stomach apart and I end up worm food. Hell, there have been times with my current stretched out stomach that I was worried it was about to pop enough to google it to see if it was possible.

The bottom line is that I just need to fix myself and I know it’s something that I can do because I’ve done it before. Not sure why I’m having so much trouble getting started lately, but I honestly don’t think taking the easy way out would be in the best interest of my mental and physical well being.

Plus, I don’t have the money nor do I have the credit to get the loans for any of that shit. My biggest fear with losing weight right now is the loose skin dilemma and trying to get the cash to deal with that mess. I might end up trying out the whole gay male escort thing since they make mad bank in SF — even the fatties since there’s a “Bear” market.

Dear Dave: Hey, big fan here, but have you ever seen the movie based on my life? It’s called “The Last King of Scotland” and I suggest you check it out. Well what I really want to know is about your roomates. If I remember correctly you said one of them has a kid — wouldn’t that crimp you’re gangsta life style and don’t you think you might be a real bad influence (at times) on a youngster? So can you share some details about these roomies, their dependents, criminal histories, and your feelings towards them? I mean, you make plenty of dough so why not get yourself a killer fuck pad (pardon my language) in downtown San Fran? That’s what I’d do but I suppose not everybody is as cool as me, Africa’s number one “big man”.
-Idi Amin (Kampala, Uganda)

Dave Z: Loved the movie, you’re a bad ass mother fucker. You could’ve taken it a bit easier on that bitch that cheated on you with the white dude…that was a bit harsh what you did to her. I would’ve just kept her alive as a sex slave and not mutilate her.

But, hey, I’m a great influence on the kid. Even though he can’t understand me, I’m always there to explain to him what it’s like in the real world, so he doesn’t grow up thinking life is all gay and joyful like in Doodlebops or Higglytown Heroes. He’s only like 18 months so I haven’t treated him to his first beer yet, but you best believe Uncle Dave will be the one to introduce him to the joy of alcohol. I’ll help him get the alcohol and all he’ll have to do is bring over the hot young high school girl ass when the time comes. Sure, I’ll be in my late 40s by the time he’s 16, but I’m fairly certain I will never lose my love for beautiful young women so that’s a non-issue.

As for the roommies cramping my style, it’s not a problem because I’ve done that by myself for the most part. I’ve gone out locally only 2 or 3 times in the past couple of years, as most of my rockstar partying tends to happen when I’m on trips to either Ft Lauderdale/Miami, Los Angeles or New York. The reason for this is the dumb ass decision to move closer to work. Now that I live in San Rafael, I save about an hour every day driving to and from work, which has been a HUGE stress relief. The commute was evil and caused me more headaches and stress than you’d ever wish upon your worst enemy. That said, it’s destroyed my party life in SF because it’s such a hassle to drive into the city to party and then drive drunk back home (or not drink too much when I party). It’s basically turned me into a stay-at-home alcoholic, which sucks.

I will debate moving back into the city once my lease runs out, but it’s so expensive to live alone in the city and would probably only do it with a roommate (maybe a hot young college girl…). Even a small 200 sq foot studio that would barely fit my bed might run upwards of $2,000/month in a semi-decent neighborhood in the city. For the same price, I could buy a 10BR mansion in some other parts of the country.

Dear Dave: I don’t know if this is your area of expertise, but I will ask anyway. I have a new office at my job, and the guy in the office next to me steals my things. I don’t know what to do. I am 100% sure about this. Today I dropped a piece of paper in his office and he just kept it. This actually happened last week as well.

Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

Dave Z: It’s quite obvious that this guy hates you and wishes you were dead. My suggestion would be to leave $20 on his desk every morning as a bribe to keep him from killing you. Now get back to work, Anthony!

Dear Dave: What’s your thoughts on who the Dolphins should take with the first pick of the draft?
- Chris (Ohio)

Dave Z: I just know that I don’t want them to take Matt Ryan. I’ve seen him play a lot since BC has been in Miami’s conference and I just don’t get all the hype. I think he’s just a product of there not being a clear franchise QB in this year’s draft.

With Ryan out of the picture, it pretty much comes down to Jake or Chris Long and I honestly could go either way with those two. You can’t argue with having a stud LT and the Giants showed you what a dominant defensive line can mean to winning championships.

Part of me also wants them to consider McFadden just because he’s the consensus “best player” in the draft and it scares me whenever someone like this gets passed over because of someone picking based on “needs”. Sam Bowie filled a need, but I bet Portland wishes it would’ve picked Jordan and just figured out how to have him play alongside Drexler or just traded him. If McFadden is Jordan (or Adrian Peterson, Barry Sanders, etc), it would suck to pass on him even though we have a Ronnie Brown (Drexler).

A trade down would be the best because any of the five or six top players seem interchangeable. However, because this is the case it’s less likely that someone will feel the need to really move up so trading down isn’t easy.

As for the 2nd pick…I kind of like Chad Henne. Even though I would love to see more of John Beck, it doesn’t hurt to have options and depth.

Dear Dave: What would be your pick for best sex scene ever in a regular movie? Not porn.
-Adam (Wichita, KS)

Dave Z: Without doing research and most likely ignoring some great ones, the first that jumps to mind would be the one in the lame Basic Instinct sequel where Michael Douglas wraps the girl’s hair around his wrist before yanking her head back unexpectedly and forcefully while taking her all caveman style from behind. I stood up and gave him a standing ovation for that killer move. I hope to include it in my repertoire of moves some day. I’ll just have to figure out if I should use it before or after my money move where I drip sweat all over my partner before using her hair to dry me off.

If you would like your question answered in a future update to “Dear Dave”, fell free to contact me.

Dear Dave:That last update gave me 3 things to write to you about.

1. Enchanted. Great movie. I felt kind of homo for seeing it in theaters with another dude, but I liked it a lot. What ‘d you think?

2. Lost Odyssey. What do you think? I’m guessing your marathon session means you’d recommend it, but I feel like its reviews have been somewhat mediocre. But, I haven’t played a good JRPG since FFXII 6 months ago and haven’t played one with a traditional-ish battle system since Xenosaga III more than a year ago, so I am intrigued and want to know what you think about it.

3. Miley Cyrus. Dude, she’s total jailbait and you should just embrace it. I still watch the Disney Channel (something I don’t usually publicize since I’m 21), and a couple years back, I saw a preview for Hannah Montana and saw her strutting her stuff. I thought, “Wow, she’s pretty hot. I wonder how old she is.” So I IMDb-ed her, found out she was 13, and felt really awkward and creepy. Since then, I’ve come to peace with my creepiness and just accepted she’d be worth breaking the law for… Side question, how do you find out her/all other famous celebrity’s weight? It’s not on IMDb, so I feel like its secret info that you just somehow have access to.

Well, that was really long, but whatever, I guess it’ll make your Dear Dave more interesting.
– VK (Chicago, IL)

Dave Z: Well, here goes…

1) Seeing that with another dude is slightly homo unless you missed school and/or work to see it and you obeyed the 1 seat straight buffer. But, yeah, it’s definitely a bit on the Swiss side, but a damn good movie nonetheless. I had zero intention of watching it and was gearing up to hate on it after being forced to by my roommies, but it was a thoroughly enjoyable experience even though none of the chicks were hot. Some of the shit that came out of their mouths just cracked me up like you wouldn’t believe. It was genius at some points.

2) I love Lost Odyssey. I read the reviews and don’t agree at all with the majority of them. So many bashed it for being a traditional-style Japanese RPG and that’s honestly what about it that makes my cooch moist. There’s nothing wrong with a good old-fashioned battle system and it shouldn’t be bashed just because it’s not “next-gen” in that respect. I actually hate a lot of the “next-gen” type improvements that are being put in some of the newer RPGs.

Instead of bashing it for not being innovative in this respect, give it some praise for doing what it does really well. At least for the first 30 or so hours of the game, you really must use your head and be strategic how you fight most enemies — not just bosses. You get rewarded for fighting intelligently rather than just doing all attacks and whatnot.

I also love how they dealt with the one of the major issues that face practically all RPGs — the leveling up/grinding and how it affects boss battle difficulty. Again, for the first 30 or so hours of the game, there really is no level grinding because of the way they handled the experience points based on where you’re at in the game. Most dungeons have a base level that they think you should be at and if you’re below that, your characters will basically go up a level every single battle until you’re there. But when you’re past it, the experience points earned and levels gained are minimal so you won’t get overly powered for the next level.

This helped create an extremely balanced play experience for most of the game. I say most because there is a point towards the end where you can grind and get high enough of a level and get enough skills where most enemies, including the final boss, is a cake walk. Nevertheless, the developers should get major props in the form of Jessica Alba blow jobs for doing something so “innovative” for solving this problem in RPGs. The other way that it’s been tackled is to always have the monsters’ levels based on your party’s levels and that just never worked out all that great. Anyway, I really enjoyed the game and think it’s a must-play for fans of JRPGs.

3) I honestly do. I write some shit to keep the feds off my back. Plus, I’m of the belief that celebrity females don’t count when it comes to certain laws. They’re fair game! So, yeah, I’d take the prison sentence to hit that.

As far as the celebrity weights, let’s just say that when a girl sits on my face I can guess her weight down to a tenth of an ounce. It’s one of my super powers.

Dear Dave: So how pissed where you after the Canes lost yesterday? Was it as bad when they got jobbed by the ref against OSU??
– Carlos (Miami, FL)

Dave Z: I actually wasn’t the least bit pissed at all and enjoyed the game (at least the last four minutes) tremendously. I even gave my boys a standing ovation after the final buzzer because they deserved it for the amazing season they had. It was a lot of fun watching them play and to see them get wins in both the ACC & NCAA tourneys was hella dope. I couldn’t be happier about the season they gave me.

Dear Dave: You seem to like all sports, this include NASCAR? If so, like any drivers?
– Rogg (NC)

Dave Z: I enjoy NASCAR quite a bit. I think it might be partially due to my 6+ years of living in Dover, DE where the population increases tenfold whenever there’s a race at Dover Downs. As far as the drivers, I’m a fan of Jeff Gordon mainly because I everyone seemed to boo him and hate on him, so I thought it was fun to cheer for him. Plus, he’s a damn fine driver. I also like seeing Tony Stewart win cause he’s an ass and I like that about him.

Dear Dave: My girl won’t let me do her in the bum. I’ve never done it before but wanna see what it’s all about. Any suggestions on how to get her to let me?
–Anonymous

Dave Z: First things, I hope you’re not using the word “bum” when you ask for it. If you are, being a bit more Alpha-male about things and just saying, “listen bitch, I’m fucking you in the ass tonight, you best eat light today and consider getting yourself an enema,” might help your cause.

If the aggressive approach isn’t your style and you don’t think you could pull it off convincingly, then my suggestion would be to Pearl Harbor her ass. Just get her drunk to the point where she’s half-asleep, get her to have consensual drunken sex with you and then do a sneak attack on the back door and claim that it was an accident if she has issue with it. Most likely she’ll be too drunk to care or better yet she’ll enjoy it and want it more. Good luck!

If you would like your question answered in a future update to “Dear Dave”, fell free to contact me.

Dear Dave: Hi Dave!, I finally got a Xbox 360 Pro with 20gb hard drive i reccomend picking up Quake 4 its a great game and the graphics look as good as doom 3 for the PC. Did you get a chance to play some Halo 3 if so what is your gamertag on xbox live so i could make sure to add it to my list so maybe me and you can blast away the Aliens on Online Co-Op. Ok hope to hear from you soon in a Dear Dave update, Take Care.
– John (MA)

Dave Z: I don’t have a copy of Halo 3 anymore (it was Gamefly’d), but my gamertag is SpankBank69. You should be able to see my gamer card on the upper right hand side of my website here.

Dear Dave: Hi Again!, I was wondering was your 360 a older model and that is why it gave you the 3 Red Lights Of Death? because i hope that doesnt happen to my newly bought Xbox 360.
– John (MA)

Dave Z: My 360 is an older model that’s actually a hand-me-down from the QA/Test department. Hopefully this shit doesn’t still happen with the newer models for Microsoft’s sake. That would be no lube ass rape bad if they haven’t fixed this problem yet.

Dear Dave: Are we to assume from your last post that your motions were mo-capped? For the next iteration of your football game?
– Twinkle Toes (PA)

Dave Z: LOL! Hell no! If we were motion-capturing me for any game, it would have to be for some odd game about old aging fat dudes that play sports on the weekends. It’d be called Weekend Warriors and would be a bunch of pick-up games of basketball, football, baseball and roller hockey with a mixture of has beens, never beens, and wannabes.

Plus, the mo-cap suits aren’t that flattering. I prefer to direct the shoots rather than act in them.

Dear Dave: Dave Z 4 Life!
– PK (Scottsdale, AZ)

Dave Z: PK 4 Life! Yo!

Dear Dave: Have you ever seen ‘Attack of the Show’ on G4? The host is one smokin’ hot piece of ass named Olivia Munn. Shit, if you’re in the gaming industry you might have actually seen her in person! Oh man, if you ever meet her can you bone her and take pictures? Like really hilarious pictures where you’re giving the ol’ thumbs up and stuff? That would be sweet.
– Andrew (Toronto, ON)

Dave Z: Strangely enough, I actually watch very little of anything on G4. But after googling Olivia Munn, I think that’s all about to change. I haven’t met her yet in person, but when that time comes I will do my best to seduce her and get you the photos you’re looking for. I’ll be sure to yank her hair so her face is in frame when I’m giving the camera the thumbs up.

Dear Dave: I was just wondering what your religious views are. I mean, specifically. Are you a Christian or an atheist or what? If you believe in God, what kind of God? I’m just trying to reach out to somebody here, kind of feeling blue today, you know?
– Jesse (KS)

Dave Z: This is a tough one. I don’t affiliate myself with any religion, but I do not deny the existence of God. My biggest problem with religion is with the people practicing it and how they’re mostly hypocritical idiots. I’ve gone to a lot of churches where all I hear are people gossiping about others. Talking down to and about others and criticizing those that aren’t dressed well enough or don’t come to church enough. Seriously, how is that proper behavior for a good Christian? It’s not.

Plus, I get annoyed by those that say they’re religious but then don’t live it. Kind of like the rappers who sing about bitches and hoes and then praise Jesus when they’re winning a Grammy. How can you pretend to be so religious when you have dozens of scantily clad booty hoes in your videos rubbing their asses all over you? It just seems completely hypocritical to me.

Take all that and throw in the fact that 90% of the wars that have been fought over the past 2000+ years have been because of religion and that pretty much explains my disdain for organized religion. Nevertheless, I don’t deny the existence of an all-knowing omnipotent being and never would. Some people like to use science to disprove God, but you can’t. If there really was an all-powerful being, who’s to say that he or she couldn’t be creating things so that our feeble-minded test results kick back numbers that disprove his or her existence just so that our faith is tested. It even seems logical that this could happen.

Dear Dave: Dave I’m gonna be honest with you. I don’t care for football games. Without the NFL license the 2K series. is even less attractive to me (and, if sales figures mean anything, to just about everybody else too). What I want to know is if you are thinking of getting a gig as a game designer in a company that doesn’t work on football games. I would love to see you get attached to an RPG or and Action/Adventure game — I think you’re wasting your talents on football. Those games are almost the same from year to year and never allow for the bareknuckle creativity you show on this blog. Hell, why not try to work on Leisure Suit Larry games? Your mind is plenty filthy for that. Just consider it honestly, ok? Then share your thoughts with the world.
– Louis Brumble (Los Angeles, CA)

Dave Z: I love making sports games and am having a lot of fun working on them. Nevertheless, when all is said and done, I strongly believe that there will be some completely original Dave Z-designed titles in the future. I would consider my career as a video game developer a failure if I didn’t do something of my own creation.

Dear Dave: Do you have as much trouble spelling your last name as I do? Be honest!
– Jeph (Brownsville, TX)

Dave Z: There’s a reason that I typically just go by “Dave Z”! In all honesty, I’ve got the spelling down pat. The pronunciation is a different animal altogether, however.

Dear Dave: Long time visitor. Lots to discuss. For old time sake I looked through internet archive of the site to see just how long ago it was. 2002!

Telling you about how 16yo Kiely Williams of 3LW now a Cheetah Girl was good wackin material for me. I was 17.

Also gave a suggestion of music to you Keith Sweat and Next. R&B from the N64s heyday. Fun to see how I have been dove into the roots of that sound, New Jack Swing created by Teddy Riley. Guy’s self titled debut is pure greatness. Listening to it is an instant pick me up. That sound had more of less died 10 years after birth and as the millennium came but there is a lot of greatness in that period that accounts for most of the music on my Creative Zen Vision M.

Masturbation Record.
Your unparalleled 36 times in a single 24 hour period.

And Elisha Cuthbert just burst on to the scene with that Maxim mag and I pointed out she was an early girl in my fap history like Alyssa Milano was for you.

This is scary…

Another spank-worthy Spears?

Hey Dave:

I just read this article on Britney’s sister and thought you’d like to read it:

http://www.cnn.com

At least we know we have another spank-worthy girl coming up in a few years who will probably look a lot like Britney.

-Beavis

We still have a lot of time before that thing matures to the point where I’ll even consider thinking about her. Though, I bet she’ll be slutting herself up way before her time, but that’s just the way things seem to be these days. But, yeah, she may be Spank Bank� material some day.

Back to me. Really I am in the same spot which I was back then doing nothing. And never done nothing with a gal. Which sucks but things could be worse.

A couple things I have gotten enjoyment from in the recent past are Karl Pilkington on the Ricky Gervais podcasts and radio shows. Literally over 100 hours of content. A Must listen for everyone.

And speaking of over 100. The single biggest revelation to me since you put the site on hold is Japanese porn. They do it right. I have over 100 DVDs. They give you 2 hours and it is all staring 1 girl. There is the drawback of the mosaic but that is compensated by the girls that seem of a higher class and beauty than the girls of USA porn. Maybe it is the stereotype of JPN people being smarter that is embedded in me or that I have no experience with the avg JPN girl so I don’t label them slutty looking compared to a regular girl like I do with American girls since I know the culture like the back of my hand.

After looking through 2003 I will probably hit you up again.
– Jared (Indianapolis, IN)

Dave Z: I must be psychic because my prediction that Jamie Lynn would slut herself up actually came to fruition! Well, I guess you didn’t really need to be psychic to predict that, it was just so painfully obvious. Common sense is my strong point.

So…about you. If you still haven’t done anything with a gal, just go to www.cityvibe.com and www.eros-guide.com, check out the talent in your area, pick one out you like and get that shit over with. It’s not that big of a deal, so once you get over that initial hurdle shit will be cake. You’ll be boning bitches left and right.

Also, save up money so you can take a trip to Japan so you can make your own Japanese porn. They’re even cuter in person when the naughty bits aren’t mosaic’d out. Plus, the chicks over there dig whitey. Convince a girl that you’ll bring her to the States, marry her and then get her mangled teeth fixed and she’ll let you do whatever your sick mind wishes.

Dear Dave: This is mainly a note to you but if you want to share it in DD or on your site somewhere its cool. A buddy of mine turned me on to this site:

www.magicjack.com

Sorry, no porn. But what it does offer is a killer way to save a ton of money on your phone bill. For $40 you get the hardware, which plugs right into your USB on your comp (phone cord plugs into the hardware), and a year’s worth of service. Once you install the hardware it installs the software, you register, select an area code, and they issue you a phone number.

Service after the first year is $20 a year. Thats it. Of course you need to have broadband, but the call quality is outstanding plus you get all the normal perks like caller ID, voice mail, call waiting. Since its through your computer you can use a PC headset. The program also has an onscreen menu that serves as your caller ID, address book…the works.

You get local and long distance included in the yearly fee, and also 911 service. My buddy’s wife is from Poland and using this, she calls her family back in Poland for 2 cents a minute.

Sorry to sound like an infomercial, but this sucker is going to save me $600 a year. I figure there’s plenty of people out there who might be interested in this.
– Tom

Dave Z: I personally don’t need it, but it sounds dope. Especially if you make a lot of international calls. Maybe it’ll be extra useful for me when I start dating Adriana Lima and have to call her up a lot when she’s back home in Brazil or modeling in Europe.

If you would like your question answered in a future update to “Dear Dave”, fell free to contact me.

Dear Dave: So Dave, I have to say I am very glad to see you back with the website. It has always been a favorite of mine, been checking it out since u started it and reading your stuff since your IGN days.

Gotta say I am now on your side for the tax rebates. I just found out that, because I am a college student, and it is possible for me to be claimed a dependent by my parents, I am unable to receive the tax rebate even though I worked and made well over the $3,000 minimum last year. I hate George Bush.
– Steve (Boston, MA)

Dave Z: Well, I’m glad to have you a follower, albeit in a non-psychotic cut off our balls and commit suicide kind of sense. Wait…so if you’ve made enough to meet the requirements but are a college student still being claimed by your parents you don’t get shit? That’s ludicrous. You’re a tax paying American, that should be enough. I guess the bright side is that this means you won’t be screwed in ‘09 when it appears you’ll be paying for whatever rebate you get back.

Dear Dave: HI Dave once again!, Glad you are enjoying the Nintendo Wii now i reccomend picking up Medal Of Honor Heroes 2 for the Wii and if your planning to play online i also reccomend picking up a Wii Lan Adapter great game over the internet its a lot of fun and the graphics are pretty nice too, Maybe me and you can play a Team Battle Deathmatch some time. Bottom line the Nintendo Wii kicks ass!!!, Take Care . Also the Lan Adapter thingy is $29.99 and the Medal Of Honor game is $49.99. Did you try out the Wii Shop Channel yet? its great i bought like over 70 dollars worth of Wii Points in the past first month and i downloaded Super Mario 64, Wave Race 64, Super Mario Brothers 1, ToeJam and Earl 2, Sonic 3, Metroid and Super Metroid its a lot of fun playing classic games on the wii you should also pick up a Wii Classic Controller its only $19.95 great way to play Mario 64 on it.
– Steve (Massachusetts)

Dave Z: Thanks for all the suggestions. I’ll probably follow up on them after I get my debt back under control. I’m on a self-imposed spending spree where I’ve banned myself from buying anything fun, excluding necessities such as alcohol (it’s a necessity when you’re an alcoholic), until I get my debt back down to a controllable amount. I just paid off a very high interest card and my total credit card debt is hovering right at $19K. If I could somehow keep myself from spending on liquor and ho’s, I could probably wipe that out this weekend, but I gotta keep some of my vices!

Nevertheless, when the time comes that I do get the Wii LAN Adapter, we can probably set up some completely heterosexual online rendezvous.

Dear Dave: Do you still have the zip file with carmella’s photos? I’ve just come across your site and would love to get a copy of them.
– Spader (Unknown)

Dave Z: I’m boycotting Carmella in protest of the breast implants she got. Subsequently, I no longer have the old zips.

Dear Dave: Hi, Dave. Let me start by congratulating you on conquering the X-Men game. My cousin gave me that thing for my birthday but I couldn’t get much beyond the title screen. Really, I don’t know how you not only beat that motherfucker but also got all the achievement points. Um, I’ve been meaning to ask you if you could recommend a good fiction book–my grandma always said you knew a man by his library. Also, are you friends with Jeff Gerstmann? He’s a cool guy who lives in the bay area and it seems like you and he might have a lot to talk about. Finally, when is the last time you got laid, exactly?
– Ryan Macdonald (Fresno, CA)

Dave Z: I wouldn’t call myself a sadomasochist, but my pain threshold is fairly high and I often put myself into situations where I feel pain. That probably best explains how and why I actually played and completed that horrific excuse for a videogame whose name I will never utter again. In my never humble opinion, it’s so evil that it deserves Voldomore status.

You should read A Density of Souls by Christopher Rice. I haven’t finished it yet because I have the attention span of a non-medicated adolescent on a sugar high, but I really enjoyed the first 25% of it before I got “busy” doing nothing.

I love Jeff Gerstmann. We rarely hang out, but whenever we have it’s been a blast. I’d consider him excellent boyfriend material if I was more into Brokeback Mountain.

I can’t even remember when was the last time I had sex it’s been so long. And with the belly bulge increase of ‘06 & ‘07, I can’t even recall the last time I saw my sex-starved and hand-chaffed penis. My best guess would be August of last year. It was during the summer at some point after shipping APF 2K8.

Dear Dave: Alright Dave, in your last Dear Dave you said “No bullets will be dodged by me in ‘Dear Dave’ as long as they don’t infringe of the privacy of people other than myself.”

Care to explain it now? No dodging or making up fake stories about molesting geese to get you off the hook this time.

Dave Z: Care to explain what exactly? If you’re referring to my felony conviction, then it’s something I’m unable to discuss because it would involve revealing personal details about a midget, a border jumper, two mules, and a door-to-door Avon sales lady. Sorry.

Dear Dave: Hey Dave, I was wondering did you ever have a girl do a Cleveland Steamer to you? lol take care.
John (Massachusetts)

Dave Z: I’m definitely a bit on the kinky side and have no qualms with tea bagging, spitting on some slut’s back when taking her from behind, wanting to do a girl in the butt and then have it suck it off clean afterwards, or anything of the sort. However, I’m quite sure that crapping on some chick’s chest isn’t too high my life’s to do list. Don’t quite get the appeal, but then again, a lot of people don’t fully understand what I’m into.

By the way, the team I use in APF 2K8 online is called the Cleveland Steamers.

If you would like your question answered in a future update to “Dear Dave”, fell free to contact me.

Dear Dave: I read with interest that your “friend” Porsche Lee Briggs was in a super bowl commercial with Peyton Manning. My questions are the obvious ones: what’s her story, how did you meet, what is the exact nature of your relationship, and, perhaps most important, why hasn’t she been named Babe of the Week? Because you don’t think she’s attractive enough? She seems at least reasonably “hot” in your flickr photos. Or because you don’t want her ogled by your fans? I thought you were an equal opportunity chauvinist, a man whose dedication to licentiousness transcended any and all personal loyalties. So, like, what gives? Also, will you participate in the California caucus/primary this week? Who are you supporting for Prez? Please don’t dodge the bullet with any of these questions, the way I know you want to.
– Jake Gittes (Denver, CO)

Dave Z: No bullets will be dodged by me in “Dear Dave” as long as they don’t infringe of the privacy of people other than myself. I’m fair game as far as I’m concerned.

I met her through some mutual friends on MySpace. Basically, I became really good friends with a few girls in south FL through MySpace and over time things just multiplied out of control thanks to all my various drunken vacations out that way. I actually didn’t meet Porsche in person until my last trip out that way when I got crazy stoned and then went to a sushi place for lunch. Her and Jackie’s “performance” to Sir Mix-A-Lot’s Baby Got Back while driving back from lunch will never be forgotten. It was classic.

I most definitely think she’s Babe of the Week worthy and I’m sure I’ll feature her one of these days. I’d just rather not at the moment because the traffic is still small since re-launch. I had a really good January, which saw more than 30,000 uniques to the new content, but I would prefer it to be above the 100,000 visitor threshold before I start putting up my worthy friends. It just seems like a waste otherwise.

I didn’t vote on Super Tuesday even though I wrote a post saying that everyone should. The main reason is that I’m a registered Republican and wasn’t too fond of any of the candidates in my party. If I could’ve voted for one of the Democrats, my vote would’ve gone for Barack Obama. If he runs, I think I’ll vote for him, which would be the first time I’ve ever voted or wanted to vote for a Democratic candidate for President. If Hillary wins, then I’ll probably be stuck voting for John McCain.

Although, I’m not even technically allowed to vote. My ass is a convicted felon and I’m not supposed to be allowed to vote until I have it expunged and I never got that done. Yet, I was somehow able to register to vote in California and it’s really hard to find details about my conviction because the privacy laws in Delaware are tighter than an Asian virgin’s hairy snatch.

Dear Dave: Hi Dave!, I recommend not getting a Playstation 3 unless your one of those gamers that need all three systems, because if you don’t get the 3 year warranty for $100 you basically screwed out of $400-600 dollars because i bought mine october 2007 it was a 60gb version and it costed me $500 and it died in 3 months, so im just saying don’t get one unless you tend to get the warranty!, take care!.
– John (MA)

Dave Z: I’ve been told that the new 40GB and 80GB models have changes that make them more reliable than the older models, so I’m not as worried about that. Plus, the track record for the Xbox 360’s is infinitely worse. However, I may heed your advice and get the warranties because that’s just too much money to be spending on anything and having it break. Thanks!

Dear Dave: I’m glad you liked my idea of a prequel to the Rambo movies in video game form. As for suing you…I wouldn’t dream of it as long as I saw a percentage . Anyways, I recently joined the Marine Corps, so if you need someone to do the motion capturing when you get started, hit me up.
– Bob Blount (Mansfield, OH)

Dave Z: I’m not afraid of you suing me now that I know you’re a Marine, I’m petrified of you finding my ass and killing me. To avoid that, that mo-cap idea sounds fantastic!

Maybe when you get out you can get into something like Airsoft. My friend/co-worker, Abe Navarro, got into those late last year and seeing his M4’s and handguns is making me want to get into the hobby. The only problem is that it seems like most that are into it are ex-military and ex-law enforcement. My fat, slow ass would be a big and extremely easy to hit target.

Dear Dave: The canes class looks dope! Coach shannon can obviously recruit, but is he going to be able to coach them to anything?
– Todd (Unkown)

Dave Z: That’s obviously still up for debate and his “coaching” during the first year was questionable at best. However, I love Randy’s attitude and think he’ll be much improved in his sophomore effort. I have high hopes for the future of the “U”.

Dear Dave: Where are all the nudessszzz?????

Dave Z: I’ve posted a few nudes with the Babe of the Week’s. Just check Jenn Sterger, Vanessa Hudgens and a few others. I just want to keep things a little less porn this time around to avoid the troubles. But, don’t worry, you will get a look at some naked ass tits tits tits every now and then.

Dear Dave: Did you ever get that receiver you were talking about? What’s it like? I wanna get one but IDK what to buy.
– Rog (Houston, TX)

Dave Z: I’ll write a review of it sometime within the next few weeks. My quickie is that it’s deserving of the great online reviews, but it’s not perfect for me. I think I need to design receivers for gamers.

Dear Dave: I fucking LOVED your advice for that guy that wanted his girl’s shit smooth. I LOL’d and nearly spit up all over my keyboard at work. As fucked up as it would be, I think it would work.
– Jamaar (Alabama)

Dave Z: It seems like it would work because it DID work. The best part is that I got a temporary tattoo so I’m not stuck with “I love Jenn” on my neck. By the way, she’s a lifer as far as bikini wax is concerned. I ought to collect royalties from all her future boyfriends, husbands or random sexual partners.

If you would like your question answered in a future update to “Dear Dave”, fell free to contact me.

Dear Dave: So a couple weeks ago I was reading on IGN about their fancy pants 10 year anniversary and I saw a picture of you and some other former IGNers. I thought I’d check out your old page just for the hell of it and, lo and behold, there’s a brand new page up!

Anyhoo, its great to see you’re doing well. Sex, Money and Video Games, what more could a guy ask for?
–Andrew (Toronto, ON)

Dave Z: I’m glad you found your way back for to the re-launched site! Hmmm, what more could a guy ask for? I might be able to use another 1 3/4″ on my member to give me a solid 8″. Otherwise, everything is amazing in my life right now.

Dear Dave: I love the Wii. What games u think a girl should get for it??
– Lindz (Atlanta, GA)

Dave Z: FYI, if you capitalize that “z” at the end, some people might mistake you for my wifey. Depending on what state you’re in at the time, it could be a good thing or a bad thing. Whatever you do, don’t bring my name up if you’re in Tennessee.

For the Wii, go with Super Mario Galaxy, Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games, Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess, Big Brain Academy, and Trauma Center for starters. Not necessarily designed for girls, but I know a few lovely ladies that enjoy these titles.

PS – Don’t be ashamed to send nudes.

Dear Dave: I watched the new Rambo movie last night and got to thinking… we dont really know much about his past before and during the war in Vietnam (other than he was tortured at some point). What would you think about a Prequel to the Rambo saga in video game form during this time period? A game in the vein of The Chronicles of Riddick– a first person action/adventure game with fps tie ins.

Personally I would really love to see something like this come into fruition, and I believe that video games are the perfect thing for this project. Seeing as how you are very in touch with the gaming community and im certain you have plenty of sources…i hate to ask you– but would there be any way for you to contact Stallone or a game company about this project?
- Bob Blount (Mansfield, OH)

Dave Z: That’s actually a very interesting idea and I’d love to see it come to fruition as well! I eventually want to run my own videogame company some day, so maybe this could be the first title! Please don’t sue me if I take the idea and turn it into a multi-million seller for the 360, PS3 and Wii.

Dear Dave: Longgggg time reader here! Just stumbled back on your site for some reason and am glad ur back up. LOVE the new look!

I wanted to know if you would consider being my wingman if i ever make it down to SF to hit on chicks at da clubs?!?? That would be so cool!
– NeoTTY (Portland, OR)

Dave Z: Glad you like what you see, hopefully more people just “happen” on to the site over the next few months. I’ve had a solid January, but the new content is only getting 1/10th of the monthly visitors I was getting prior to the shut down.

And, sure, I might be up with it. What would be so cool about it, though? You have some weird fetish where getting shot down by girls all night is a big turn on to you? Plus, no matter how drunk I get it’s highly unlikely that I’ll be up for a consolatory circle jerk after an unsuccessful night of prowling for babes.

Dear Dave: You must hate me. Sucks to be you!
– Tom Brady (Boston, MA)

Dave Z: Hope you get herpes from Gisele and then tear your left ACL this Sunday! Break a leg! And I mean that literally, Tom! LOL

Dear Dave: It looks like some of your photos are from Photo Booth on a MAC. Have you always been a MAC guy or just a recent convert? How you like it? I just got a Macbook and want to know what software to download for it??
– RajX (Salinas, CA)

Dave Z: I just bought the Macbook, which is my first ever Mac, last summer after I mysteriously pulled out all the keys on my Sony VAIO some random night when I was plastered at home (true story).

I really love the Macbook aesthetically and have, over time, become fond of the Mac OS. However, there are certain things that I can’t do that piss me off to no end — such as not being able to tab to pull down menus on web pages, such as the State pull downs when filling out forms, or not being able to tab or cycle through options such as Save, Save As, and Cancel in certain pop-ups. For something that’s supposedly so user friendly, it’s complete cat anal juice that I can’t do these things (or just don’t know how).

As for software, I don’t really have too many downloads. I use Adium for my AIM, Yahoo, MSN because iChat isn’t that good except for the video conferencing. I also have a bad ass Slash Adium dock icon for it. I downloaded ACDSee because I’m not too big of a fan of iPhoto because of numerous compatibility issues. I use Firefox for web browsing. I’ve got Cyber Duck for my ftp needs. And, I think that basically covers it for me.

By the way, I just ordered Mac OS X Leopard and VMWare Fusion (so I can use MS Money without going back to my VAIO or rebooting my Mac).

Dear Dave: My gf won’t shave her goods, but I’m like you and like it smooth. What should I do?
– Robbie (Bell City, CA)

Dave Z: Here’s my advice…

Step 1: Get her to play some drinking game with you that involves tequila shots.

Step 2: When she passes out, wax that shit smooth.

Step 3: Go get yourself a tattoo.

Step 4: Go to a place that performs waxes and pay for one and get a receipt (sure they’ll gladly take your $ without having to do any work.

Step 5: Leave the receipts for the tattoo shop and wax place crumpled on the living room floor.

Step 6: When you both wake up, pretend like you’re seeing your tattoo for the first time and act hella shocked. Convince her that you two must’ve gotten so drunk and crazy that she got her goods waxed and you got a tattoo. Getting a cheesy tattoo with her name on it might make it more believable.

Dear Dave: What was your game of the year for 2007?
– Jasper (Camden, NJ)

Dave Z: Not sure I played enough games to really call anything “Game of the Year”, but the best game I played was Call of Duty 4. I HATEEEEEEEEEEE how the game plays on the Veteran difficulty, but thought it was a great game, nevertheless. Halo 3 was a lot of fun, but it honestly felt like nothing more than graphically enhanced version of the original Halo built for the next-gen. I enjoyed it, but it just didn’t blow me away because I played it already. Bioshock was also in the running and it looked like it might be my favorite of the year after the first few hours of gameplay, but it got extremely repetitive down the stretch and I was highly disappointed by the lack of need for the plasmids or weapons for much of the last half of the game. After completing it, I started to wonder why we didn’t send Marines out with just wrenches. I haven’t played enough of Mario Galaxy yet to really know where that one stands. It’s looks like it’s going to be a lot of fun.

Dear Dave: Been a long time fan, wish you still wrote shit for IGN! What are your most wanted games for each of the systems?? Still play RPGs?
– Kenji (Osaka, Japan)

Dave Z: I honestly can’t think that far ahead and don’t know what’s coming out except for the obvious ones like Grand Theft Auto IV, Metal Gear Solid 4, and Gran Turismo 5.

I still consider RPGs one of my favorite genres, but I don’t play them much anymore because of time. I usually only have maybe 30-60 minutes a night at max to play a game and trying to get through a 50+ hour RPG would be butt rape un-fun like that.

Dear Dave: You’re such a cutie! If you’re ever in my area, the first lap dance is on me!! <3
– Bubbles (Tacoma, WA)

Dave Z: Please send some sign pics first, you could easily be some 6′6″ 500 lbs hairy assed mother fucker that wants to pound my ass because of some review I wrote back in the IGN days that was disagreeable. If you’re hot, I’ll surely take you up on this! :-p

Dear Dave: I recall you starting to get into reading books and wanting to learn guitar as a hobby. You end up doing either? If so, what books you read & what songs can you play?
– StoneColdStew (Austin, TX)

Dave Z: I still haven’t gotten the guitar…that hobby is on the back burner. It’s sitting there with my book ideas and movie script ideas.

With the books, I haven’t been reading that much of late. The past two books have been The Secret and the first few chapters of A Density of Souls. And both of those were read last summer. If you or anyone else has any recommendations, feel free to send them my way.

If you would like your question answered in a future update to “Dear Dave”, fell free to contact me.

Dear Dave: How you liking the Nintendo Wii? I reccomend picking up Resident Evil The Umbrella Chronicles and Red Steel, Great Wii Games! Also do you own a Xbox 360 or are you fed up with it giving you the Red Eye? Alright take care!
– John.

Dave Z: I’m a huge fan of the Wii and am thrilled at all the success it’s having. When it was first announced, I was excited about it because I felt it would be the console with the most innovative software and I didn’t mind the lack of graphical prowess. My foresight has proven to be spot on yet again (I hate being right so much!)

My only problem with it is that I’m having a hard time getting the damn thing working right in my apartment with my 42″ Sony LCD HDTV. The cursor wobbles like crazy and none of the sensitivity settings seem to work. It’s perfectly OK for shit like Wii Tennis or Bowling, but playing any game that you have to point, such as Mario Galaxy, is prison rape painful (I haven’t experienced this, but it didn’t look like Andy Dufresne or Derek Vinyard were enjoying it). I doubt I’ll get any more games for it until I can get shit working right.

The Wii is the only next-gen system that I actually own, but I do have an Xbox 360 at home that I borrow from work. Up until I started to play X-Men as part of my achievement whoring, I was playing it daily and was having a great time piling up the gamer points. I think it’s probably the best system right now based on the overall software for it, but it’s looking to me like both the PS3 and Wii will pass it by the end of this year as my most-used console. The Wii is already a kick ass system based on the fact that I know tons and tons of hot chicks that enjoy playing it. How fucking genius is Nintendo for that?

Dear Dave: Great to have you back Dave. The reason the Bush economic plan is a J-O-K-E is… he doesn’t have any money to give away. The war costs so much we’re operating on money borrowed from Japan, Korea, and China. His plan is to borrow more money from China and use to to pay the Federal Reserve so he can borrow more from the FED to write checks to you and me.

Hey buddy, I need the money more than most. But the next President will have to cut something pretty substantial to pay for it next year and or raise taxes. I’m not willing to take a $300 this year only to get spanked for interest next year. it’s dumbfuck math. Yes more money in the hands of the people does equal more money changing hands which equals more money going to taxes. But when you’re borrowing that money and growing the deficit, it has the opposite effect long term.

Confidence is the only thing saving the dollar right now. That confidence is slipping and slipped further when Bush announced this plan. And will disappear when the checks actually go out. Clinton paid the debt off and ran at a surplus. That’s what made the economy boom like it did when he was in office. BUSH gave us checks for $300.00, eliminated the surplus, plunged us into debt, started an expensive war, and the dollar is work less than a Canadian nickle now. Hugs and kisses and may Wii Fit help you with that weight good sir.
– AtomixIGN

PS How is Reverend Dave smith?

Dave Z: I’m glad to be back, too! I needed a place to vent and the phone sex operators were starting to get annoyed by all the whining and eventually started hanging up on me!

You’re definitely right about it being stupid and possibly pointless to give us back money that the government doesn’t even have, but the reason I’ve changed my stance on this isn’t that it’s logical to be against it but rather because I’ve recently heard that my income range is above that of what you’ll need to receive this rebate. So, if this shit isn’t coming to me at all then FUCK it! I’m quite selfish in that respect, so fuck Bush and this stupid plan!

I’m not really sure how David Smith is doing, although I’m fairly certain he’s doing well at whatever he’s doing because he’s an immensely talented and intelligent individual. Maybe if he reads this he can send me an update….although he might just want me to tell you all to just fuck off.

Dear Dave: FUCK YEAH! DEAR DAVE IS BACK! YEEEEEEEEEAH!
– The Giant Monster From Cloverfield

Dave Z: I still haven’t watched your damn movie, so don’t send me any spoilers!

Dear Dave: Lets say you had a friend who had an extremely hot girlfriend. Obviously this girl is off-limits since she’s in a serious relationship with your friend.Now lets say she comes to you one day and says that her and your friend decided they both wanted to swing, and she wanted to have sex with you.

Do you:

A) Decline the offer because of the fact she’s still your buddy’s girlfriend?
B) Bone her, no questions asked?
C) Decide you might be interested, but check with your buddy first to make sure she’s on the level?

– Mr. X

Dave Z: Even though it would seem out of character for me, my answer would be “A” if the buddy is one of my good friends. Once a girl gets into a serious relationship with one of my friends, she’s dead to me as a cock holder and might as well be wielding a sword. Only celebrities and supermodels circumvent this policy.

Dear Dave: So are we gonna burn this mother fucker down tomorrow or what?
– Brandon “BrokeAssPimpin” Justice

Dave Z: I guess we kinda did. At least if burning this mother fucker down is referring to destroying my digestive system after eating crazy amounts of wings, taquitos, and all that other good shit that your girl kept putting in front of us while we were watching the playoff games on Sunday.

Dear Dave: Hey Dave, I love to read about your reckless and hedonistic existence…but you know what would make it more fun? If you kept a running total of your total liquidable assets and how much all your insane revelries cost. Then we could just shake our heads in wonder as you hover around bankruptcy despite having a killer job. I realize that requesting you to display this information is an outrageous affront to your privacy and even possibly detrimental to your credit; but that’s why you sharing it with your net fans would make it even more crazy.
– GorkyPark

Dave Z: That seems like a lot of work. I’d have to find out how to make a graph or something graph-like. Figure out the little mundane details and specifics and I’ll do it. The only possible problem is that I’m in a “get out of debt” mode right now and am only spending cash on hand and no more credit cards. As a result this might be a bad year for this. However, I do have a tax refund coming back soon and I need to buy a new receiver, TV stand, speaker set and possibly a DirecTV HD DVR…

Dear Dave: Recently I went for a prostate exam. In the middle of the exam I noticed I felt both my doctor’s hands on my shoulders, yet my prostate was still being “examined”. Should I switch doctors?
– Tom

Dave Z: Why? Nothing seems out of the ordinary with the way your current doctor is handling it. It’s how I’ve always been given it.

Dear Dave: It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose. It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose. It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose. It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose…
– Mangina

Dave Z: Did you just spot a bad tranny?

Dear Dave: I’m not sure when these email’s transpired, but I am Lori Pallett & think it’s a bit funny anyone would even care… Although I am surprised that you were unable to find a pic, but it’s not like I was all over the place. I found out pretty quick that the biz was not for me and took a quick exit, none the less the few things I did do were with out regrets and when your that young what the hell! I do need to correct who ever it was asking the 1st so called video I did was the Girls of Spring Break & I did have the female lead in Screwball Hotel other than that it was pretty much swimsuit calendar, posters & promotional modeling jobs for every major beer company you can think of. As for today I’m in the mortgage biz & have been for 10 years, not that that’s what anyone would like to know but just thought I’d keep it real. I’m not sure why I’m even replying to this email exchange, but when my sister said she put my name on google I didn’t believe there would be anything out there! Hope whoever if anyone gets this that life is treating you well!@@!
– Lori

Dave Z: I’ve tried again and I STILL haven’t been able to find any good pictures of you. You should do everyone a favor and hook a brutha up!

By the way, to whomever sent the original Dear Dave question about Lori many years ago….here’s your response! :p

Dear Dave: Love your site. Just saw your entry for Jennifer Lothrop, from DVD on TV. Do you happen to know where the shower and topless pics came from? I would liketo go and rent that movie. Thanks!
– Keith

Dave Z: The name of the movie she gets all nekky in is Love Her Madly. Here’s a link to it on Amazon.com. No thank you is needed, just put me in your will and we’ll call it even.

Dear Dave: Hi there Dave, I noticed on your homepage that you have mentioned your old site Sega-Saturn.com and the link you give simply goes to the dead page.Well your website has been archived on web.archive.org and can be viewed here.

It’s a damn shame what happened to your site man, I know your a busy dude nowadays but if you ever fancy popping into our forum you would be most welcomed
– Take care, best regards, Mick and the SegaSaturn.co.uk team

Dave Z: That’s pretty awesome of you guys. I might actually put the Sega-Saturn.com website back up once I’m able to get my web host to get it setup on my DaveZdyrko.com server. Not sure about the ETA on this.

Dear Dave: I’ve always wondered how old you were when you set your jerking off record of 36 times in a 24 hour period. She some light on this? Also, can you equal that mark now?
– JeffK

Dave Z: It was back in ‘85 or ‘86 when my I was on some California vacation with my family. So, that would make me either 12 or 13 years of age when I set that 36 times in 24 hours record that still stands today. Could I equal that now? I think so. The only difference is that I’d likely be beating a limp dick much quicker today than I was back on that momentous day.

If you would like your question answered in a future update to “Dear Dave”, fell free to contact me.