It only needs a little more than 250,000 fans to top a million and since the baby’s not due till August there’s still a lot of time. If you have a Facebook, do the world a favor and become a fan now!

This past Winter Olypmics featured a ton of eye-candy in the Curling ranks and I was having probably trying to pick one to feature. I couldn’t make up my mind, so I went with the trio of Melanie Robillard (Germany), Madeleine Dupont (Denmark), & Ludmila Privivkova (Russia). So, they’re all my Babe of the Week. Apologies to some of their hot and worthy teammates or competitors from other countries that didn’t quite make the cut for my podium.

1. Win 4 National Championships, 4 Heisman Trophies, and finish my career as a starting quarterback for the University of Miami Hurricanes with a perfect 48-0 record. FAIL
2. Win 6 Super Bowl championships, 6 league MVPs, 1 Rookie of the Year, and have two 19-0 seasons as Quarterback of the Miami Dolphins. FAIL
3. Win 2 NBA Championships playing for the Boston Celtics as a hobby during my six year reign of terror on the NFL. FAIL
4. Win 2 NHL Stanley Cups with the Philadelphia Flyers in the same two year period I won the NBA titles. FAIL
5. Win 2 World Series titles, have two 75+ HR seasons, and pitch 12 perfect games while playing for the Baltimore Orioles during those same super busy years. FAIL
6. After getting tired of the main American sports, play for the US men’s soccer team and lead them to a World Cup while scoring 3 goals per game and shattering numerous records. FAIL
7. Retire from sports by the age of 29 and start my acting and singing career that would see me win numerous Oscars and Grammys. FAIL
8. Have a threesome with supermodels Cindy Crawford and Niki Taylor. FAIL
9. Have a threesome with then teen pop stars Debbie Gibson and Tiffany. FAIL
10. Become a millionaire! FAIL

Alright, so maybe I dreamed a little too big when I was growing up. But while the ambitious goals of a young dreamer failed to fully materialize, the life I have led has been quite amazing and is only getting better. I’ve been all around the globe, have met some amazing people over the years and get to make video games for a living. Plus, I still have a shot at #10 and while I wouldn’t even want #8 or #9 anymore, I have lucked my way into a couple of threesomes and still have my hopes up for my current supermodel threesome goal of Adriana Lima and Alessandra Ambrosio or my teen pop star duo ambition of Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez (waiting till they’re 18, of course).  Happy Birthday to me.

Those mysteries in life aside, I must say that I’m extremely disappointed with the guys so far this year. They all seem to suck and I’m not talking about in the Ryan Seacrest kind of way. None seem even remotely on the same level as Adam Lambert or that Chris guy that beat him last season cause America still hates the gays. Maybe one or two might step it up, but I’m not seeing it so far.

The good news is that I now get to watch Lost and Blue Mountain State without any commercial interruptions!

Although, I must say that the company’s latest “revolution” has left me feeling a bit like I did back when I saw this really HOT chick walk into the bathroom at the End Up back in SF and then watching her whip out her cock and pee in the trough urinals right next to me — confused. As a technological gadget, the iPad seems cool. It’s like a giant iPhone without the cell phone part, yet smaller and more portable than the Macbook I own and love. I just don’t know why I’d ever want to own one other than to have the latest gadget to fool around with. It’s too big to carry around everywhere, so it’s not like I’m going to carry it with me at all times like my iPhone. And it’s just not powerful or functional enough to replace my Macbook when I’m at home or on trips.

The only place I could see me really wanting to use it would be on airplanes, where it would make a better book reader or movie player than either the iPhone or Macbook — but I barely fly once a year of late. Other than that, the only reason I could see getting it would be for the “cool” factor and I’m not sure if that’s enough for me in my current financial dilemma. I do have some very “revolutionary” ideas for it, but will wait on posting them as they could be HUGE and want to see if I can get a patent first.

Her personality can also be designed to maker her super wild or as frigid as the Great Lakes in winter (I’m assuming this works perfectly for wannabe rapists). She laughs, she snores, she talks, she can take three dicks at once, she loves, she hates and she never has a headache. And the best thing about Roxxxy is that she’ll only cost you between $7 & $9k, which is substantially cheaper than a real girlfriend and not as big of a dent in the wallet as going to prison for some sexually deviant act would be.

If you’re a freak-a-leak and are itching to buy Roxxxy or just interested in seeing another clue that humanity is on its last legs, check out this very informative video from Youtube.

Of course, if you’re heartless and feel that the 100,000+ people that are believed to be dead deserved their fate because some Haitians more than 200 years ago “made a pact with the devil” and deserve what’s happening to them, like Pat Robertson believes, then instead of donating you can always just gloat and pat your own back for not living in a country where people may have made a pact with the devil more than 200 years ago (although, I’d be willing to wager that many have in the US over the years…so who knows).

You know, it’s the kind of fat where you can be cast as the fat guy in most movies and get the occasional romantic lead and be believable in it. Not the fat that I’m at right now where you might get cast in a football movie where you play some fat ass that’s obviously too short to play football but gets cast anyway cause he’s fat or you don’t get cast at all because it’s funnier to get some skinny guy in a fat suit to play the role. In other words, if this year goes as planned I will make the transformation from The Nutty Professor to Seth Rogan.

I started the year at 328.0 lbs and got down to 325.0 lbs after the first week despite a hiccup last Saturday where Brandon’s girlfriend cooked enough food for twenty people and Justice and I scarfed it all down by ourselves while watching the Bengals sadly lose to the much hated Jets. Much beer was also consumed at that time, so the 3 lb drop for the week was quite surprising. This week has been going well and I’m expecting another respectable drop in lard on Sunday’s weigh-in. And, as always, you can follow my progress here.

My one fear was that she wasn’t quite yet legal, but my sources suggest that she’s at least 18 years old at the moment and thus perfectly legal to sexually pleasure in all 50 states. The only thing holding me back at the moment is the need for a “yes” from her, but I’m sure that’ll come once I’ll able to meet and charm the hell outta her with my wit and raw sex appeal. While you eagerly await our sex tape, check out her pictures as my Babe of the Week.

The latter was by far one of the most comical events I’ve witnessed in a long time. Harris’ cop costume was so good that even the real Boston cops thought he was real and were left impressed. People all night were thinking he was the real deal, including this drunk guy that got kicked out of Estate and was desperately trying to get in contact with his boys. He started begging Harris to help him out because he thought he was a real police officer and Harris played the part perfectly. This shit went on for at least 15 minutes and Harris even had the guy try and do his ABC’s backwards at one point and this made me just lose it and have to turn around and cover my mouth to keep the laughter down.

The guy never caught on that Harris wasn’t a real cop and my boy kept in character the entire time. There was even this point where the guy was in tears begging Harris to put him in jail because he was from Lawrence, MA and this was his first time ever in Boston and didn’t want to sleep on the streets. He was in tears, constantly calling him sir, apologizing, and just begging relentlessly for assistance. He kept saying how he wasn’t really that drunk and that while he does get belligerent some times that he didn’t deserve to be kicked out (I’ve been there before!). It was just beyond comical and saved what was ultimately a complete failure of a night.

While it didn’t help me much last night, as I was unable to get into Gypsy after a two hour wait in line because the bouncers still remembered the “New Year’s Eve Incident” from 11 months ago, it had the ultimate success Friday night at a couple of bars around where I live near Faneuil Hall. It proved to be a great opener and I was able to get about a half dozen girls to kiss me as a reward for my cleverness.

That initially looked like it would be the peak of it, because at some point I realized I was beyond shit-faced and needed to head home and call it a night. Even though I was a just a few blocks from my apartment building I got lost and tried to sleep on the sidewalk, but then a really nice guy and girl were super cool and helped me up and hailed a cab for me. At this point, I thanked them and got in…but this is where the night turned around heavily in my favor.

Just as I was telling the cab driver my address, the door opens and this smoking hot blonde jumped in. The driver said that the cab’s already taken and she replied, “I’m going with him”. Drunk out of my mind and dumbfounded, I just gave her and confused look, to which she said, “I want my gift.” Not quite all there, I didn’t get it and replied, “huh?”. She then pointed at my gift tag and then the light bulb went off in my head and it started to make some sense. Apparently, she saw me a few times during the night, loved the costume, thought it was extremely clever and kept hoping I’d talk to her — I don’t ever remember seeing her or else I would have tried.

Sadly, most of the events are fairly blurry. We made out some in the cab, we hooked up when we got back to my place, and then around 8AM I woke up next to her perfect naked body. I debated snapping a bunch of pictures with my iPhone, but my non-creepy half (okay, maybe it’s a non-creepy 1/8th) won out and I just went back to sleep. A little before 1PM, she woke up and got out of bed to go to the bathroom and then when she came back to the room to get dressed, I was able to confirm that in the sunlight and even after a night of heavy drinking, that this girl was beautiful — perfect from head-to-toe. Turned out to be a sweet girl, too, as I was fully expecting her to embarrassingly bolt as soon as she realized “what” she had done, but she simply got dressed, gave me a forehead kiss and said, “Thanks for last night, I’m gonna head out.”

And, that was that. No names were ever exchanged. I probably will never see her again and even if I did, I don’t even know how I’d react. Nevertheless, a huge win in my book and by far the hottest girl I’ve had since moving to Boston.

1: Where are you? Were leavin and want to say bye. DON’T BRRAK ANYTHING

1: U hung up
1: Call back
1: Bitch
2: Hold. we’re having roach issues. fucking justin killed three so far. omg

1: What’s wrong?
2: Got my penis stuck in a blow up doll
1: Hahahahaha weird me too

1: Ok I gottq go to sleep. Reeeeally weird. Cat locked in room. Guy on couch. Ugh don’t want anyone in my house.

1: U know!!! Yayyy log you
2: Log me… Hahaha. Read your last text

1: I have herpes
2: So what do you want me to do?
2: There is always valtrex

1: Drunk ass!!! Lol!
2. He’s lying. Only the srippers r drunk
1: Lol yeah those dirty herpes srippers

1. Pick up some condoms on the way cuz I’m all outt
2. what size?
1. idk you tell me. it’s never been in my mouth.

1: I am here baby. In the taxi now. Should I give the Indian guy or Punjabi road head? maybe I can get half off my taxi ride.
2: No way! Good chance all the cabbies in Boston have herpes from me already.
1: Yeah I see some crabs on the seats.
2: If you see one with a gangsta limp, tell donnie I said hey

1. The strippers say hi
2: Ahhh you bastard! Haha. The wife would kill me. Slap that ass for me!

1: Hujiuuuiiiii
2: Hey hey!
1: Wioiiiiiioooo
2: Haha drunk?
1: Nevertrrtttt

1: nudes?
2: anal?
1: omg ilu marry me now <3

1: I just got mcdonalds eww
2: Lol eww
1: I knooow
2: Maybe it’ll go right to ur tits
1: Let’s hope!

1. sent nudes!!
2. eww your belly is HUGE!
1. ewwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!
1. omg slitting wrists
2. the wrists aren’t the prob, i’d start with that half inch you can pinch
1. ASS!

1. plane landed!!
2. yayyyy can’t wait to meat you!
1. LOL funny typo.
2. umm not a typo
1. Who says I’d say yes??
2. Jack Daniels.
1. Fair enough

1. spread eagle?
2. nooooo I’m on my period!
1. even better!!!!

1. shit dude. wher teh fuckk r u?
2. Think I’m just going to stay in and watch shit on the DVR.
1. ummm, there are 3 nekkid strppers on the couuch and an 8ball of blow on the coffee tableee
2. dvr paused!

1. Dude wall to wall pussy at target ;p
2. Any of it on sale?

1. That was quick
2. That’s what she said!

1. How is it inside?
2. kinda sucks. the ratio is good but talent level is mediocre
1. Shit man, come outside we’ll hit up another place.
2. Be right out.
2. oh shit. nvm come in. drunk bachelorette just slipped and practically took her hot friend’s top off.
1. niiice! easy targets!