Despite the facts that watching The Hills has been a longtime guilty pleasure of mine and that I’m a chronic masturbator who jerks it to practically anything with two legs and a vagina, I somehow never had an Audrina Patridge-inspired spank session until after I saw her nude photos about a week and a half ago. That saddens me because this girl has a slammin’ body and after seeing her Hills in all their glory, there’s no counting the number of ways I’d bang the crap out of her. If these lovely photos don’t help bring her the fame she’s obviously gunning for, I’d be up for destroying that snatch in what would undoubtedly be the greatest celebrity sex tape ever. Call me Audrina! Let’s make this happen!

Full Name: Audrina Cathleen Patridge
Date of Birth: May 9, 1985
Place of Birth: Los Angeles, CA
Residence: Los Angeles, CA
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Height: 5′ 7″-ish
Weight: 125 lbs-ish
Measurements: 34C-24-35-ish
Occupation: Reality TV, Actress