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"Baby, is tuna chicken or is it fish?"

- Jessica Simpson

Friday, October 31, 2003

Happy Halloween! --
Well, Happy Halloween and all that good stuff. I wish you all a joyous weekend. Be safe, don't do anything illegal...and if you do, then don't get caught (that's always the key right there). To celebrate the forthcoming weekend, I've thrown together a quick "Dear Dave" update. It's not the biggest and is most definitely not the funniest, but it's there for the reading. You can't ask for much more from me given my lack of brain power these days.

DVD crazy --
I went a little crazy on the DVD trip because I had a triple points coupon for Suncoast that I just had to use. I picked up The Sopranos: The Complete 4th Season, The Adventures of Indiana Jones: The Complete DVD Movie Collection, Anger Management, and XXX: Special Edition. And the reasons...great series, love the Indiana Jones moves, Adam Sandler is funny, and Vin is a hottie (and so is that chick). I think that's something like 235 movies now in my DVD collection.

Thursday, October 30, 2003

Yummy...

One of my favorite porn stars --
I figured I'd go ahead and share with you one of my current favorite porn stars as this week's Babe of the Week. What's her name? Well, it's Krystal Steal. And she's a hot little blonde with a fantastic body and a slight resemblence to my girl Christina Aguilera. Well, back when Christina still had the bottle blonde hair going on.

Anyway, if you're hunting for porn on some P2P file sharing program, I recommend doing a search for her name. There are a lot of nice videos out there featuring Krystal getting the shit banged the fuck out of her.

A new DVD --
I just received my copy of The Hole, which I had recently purchased from someone on eBay in Canada. It's my newest DVD and it stars the lovely Keira Knightley (Star Wars: Episode 1, Pirates of the Caribbean, Love Actually, Bend it Like Beckham). She shows her titties in it, which is kind of odd since she was only 16 at the time it was filmed. But I've been told that 16 is the magic number for doing nude scenes in England, so it's not really all that odd. Anyway, it's an okay flick.

Monday, October 27, 2003

It's too hot in here --
I know I owe you guys a couple of Babe of the Weeks, but it's just too hot here in my apartment to do anything. October is one of the hottest months of the year here in San Francisco and it's really been sucking lately. I understand "hot" here is only in the upper 80s, but given that there's no AC in any apartments, particularly mine, it's not too comfortable.

So, I'm not in the mood to think about women, which needs to be done to do the Babe of the Week, because thinking about women usually leads to me jerking it. That's not a good thing right now because I don't like sweating while in my bed. Hopefully I can do something for you guys soon.

Friday, October 24, 2003

Codeine is cool --
The doctor prescribed me some antibiotics and codeine for my illness and the latter is making me all fuzzy wuzzy up top. Feels kind of good. As promised, here's a "Dear Dave" update for your reading pleasure. It's a big one, so it might just have something of interest to you inside. Also, I keep getting emails about the Playboy pictures of the Real World/Road Rules chicks and of Trishelle and Arissa. I do have both of those sets available on my website and you can find links to both zip files in this "Dear Dave" update.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

I'm still alive, but... --
I'm still pretty damn sick. The fever is pretty much gone -- after seeing my body temperature get up to a whopping 103.9 degrees -- but once that left I developed a pretty bad cold. Now my whole body feels numb, my head feels congested and I'm coughing like a dirty old French whore. I'm back at work, though (after missing the first two days of the week) just so I can make sure others can feel my pain. I'm a bastard like that.

The bad news is that I don't have the energy to put together a real update (read: Babe of the Day or "Dear Dave"). Hopefully, I'll feel better tomorrow and can give you guys the proper goods. If not, it might just mean that I've died and gone to Hell to burn with the rest of the world's dead perverts.

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Sicker than a sick crack whore --
What exactly does that mean? Pretty stupid if you ask me. But, I'll go ahead and blame it on my being sick. My body temperature is currently at 101.9 degrees. Every single muscle in my body is sore. I have a headache that just won't go away. And it's been like this since early Saturday morning.

And if that's not all, my freaking nutz hurt. It feels like someone kicked me in my package, except that the pain is constant and won't go away. I bet Toole got back from his night club partying and punched me in my junk to get me back for talking about him on my website.

Anyway, I figured I ought to share my lack of progress in that whole weigh loss thing. I'm currently weighing in at 272.5 lbs, which means I've gained about 6 lbs over the course of the past few weeks. What's the problem? I've been fucking up. What basically happens is that I do everything perfect during the day and then at some point at night, I just crack and binge like a dumb ass. Most of the time, I'm telling myself to stop while I'm preparing my late night snack, but I don't. I honestly don't know why it was so easy to avoid these urges in the beginning, but I can't right now.

Regardless, I just gotta get my ass in gear. There is no reason I shouldn't already be at my goal weight by now. When I follow the BFL program, I lose weight. When I don't, well, I don't lose weight. Pretty simple. Well, wish me luck. I'm hoping for a perfect week this week. No fucking up!

Friday, October 17, 2003

Happy Friday! --
Got a rather large "Dear Dave" update for you with lots of political debate (boo!), my thoughts on the state of baseball, and lots of female nekkidness (yay!). Some of the highlights include Britney's right nipple, the lovely girls of Real World/Road Rules in Playboy (again), and a repeat appearance of Carmella DeCesare (I get the point, she'll be a BotW soon). Anyway, enjoy the update and have a nice and joyous weekend. My plan is to watch a whole lot of college and pro football and hopefully get out to see some movies like Kill Bill, The Rundown, Thirteen, and possibly Underworld.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

The hottest slayer.

A tru babe --
After seeing her tied up on the bed in Wrong Turn, I just knew that I had to make Eliza Dushku my newest Babe of the Week. It was extremely erotic and made the DVD worth picking up even though it could've used some nudity from her and the other two hot actresses that were in it.

My new phone and car CD player --
After nearly five years, I've finally decided to part ways with my Nokia 6160 and have upgraded to a Next Generation mMode phone with AT&T. I now have a Sony Ericsson T616, complete with a camera and all that other good stuff.

I was prepared to get a P800, but decided not to because I plan to get a Sony UX50 Clié down the road for my PDA needs. The phone seems pretty damn cool so far and I'm looking forward to snapping some stealthy (low-res) pictures of hot chicks at the mall with the camera.

I also went ahead and picked up a new CD player for my car to replace the one that was jacked this past weekend. Since it was pretty cheap and plays MP3s, I got the Sony CDX-MP40 from Best Buy. Hopefully, it won't get stolen any time soon. I'll probably make use of the whole detachable face plate thing this time around to help possibly deter future theft.

With these two items out of the way, my high-tech wish list now only consists of the following items:

Sony 50" XBR Grand Wega HDTV
Sony VAIO PCG-TR2AP3 Notebook
Desktop Computer (Intel P4 w/ATI Radeon 9800 Pro)
Sony DCR-PC300 MiniDV Handycam
Sony UX50 Clie Handheld PEG-UX50
Apple iPod 40GB Digital Audio Player
USB Color Scanner
Turbo Duo
Nintendo GameCube

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

The Matrix and other stuff --
I didn't buy anything on DVD Tuesday last week, so it meant spending double this week. The new DVDs that I picked up include The Matrix Reloaded, Wrong Turn, The Italian Job, and The Lion King.

I'm pretty sure I don't need to give my reasons for getting Reloaded. It's my geek duty to pick it up. Plus, it's a pretty damn good movie when you can quickly skip through the boring parts.

As for Wrong Turn, it's all about Eliza Dushku. She's wearing a tight white tank top the entire movie and it's prime Spank Bank™ material. Same thing goes for The Italian Job and Charlize Theron. Miss Theron looks as fine as ever in this flick and it's actually a fairly enjoyable watch.

And, well, I'm a slave to the man, so that pretty much explains why I purchased Walt Disney's The Lion King. If I didn't buy it, I'd be sent to the really awful parts of Hell when I pass away. I don't want that, now do I? Anyway, my collection now stands at 237 DVDs.

Monday, October 13, 2003

A crying shame --
Had some Internet problems earlier, so you'll only be getting a "Dear Dave" tonight and no new babe. No need to start crying, though, because there's some nekkid pictures of Daryl Hannah from Playboy in this hefty new "Dear Dave" for you guys looking for something new to jerk to. And if you're up for the reading, there's also more talk about the Yanks/Bosox mess, my political views, my stolen car stereo and various other rather meaningless things.

Sunday, October 12, 2003

The media is stupid --
I can't believe all the shit Pedro is getting for pushing Don Zimmer to the ground in Game 3 of the ALCS. Sure, he's 72 years old, has a metal plate in his head and is obviously mildly retarded, but the dipshit got what he had coming. If he didn't want to get knocked down, he shouldn't have charged Pedro.

What's Martinez supposed to do? Just let Zimmer punch him? Bull shit. He put him down pretty nicely in my book. If it was me out there, Zimmer would've been knocked the fuck out and he would've gotten a kneck full of cleat while he was on the ground (or I'd just choke him like the Buckeye player did to the Wisconsin QB last night without any penalty). Bottom line -- if you can't take the heat, don't step into the fire.

Saturday, October 11, 2003

Driving without music sucks --
My car was broke into last night and my stereo was jacked, so I had to drive in to work this morning in complete silence. Well, except for all the funny noises that my 10+ year old car likes to make. Having nothing to listen to really makes the 30-minute drive a lot more boring than it normally is. Funny thing about all this is that they left my music CDs alone. I guess they didn't want to add my mix of shitty pop and Metallica to their collection.

Wednesday, October 8, 2003

It's good to be Dave Z --
Why is that so? Well, outside of the fact that I've been blessed with a Super Penis™, dashing good looks, unrivaled sex appeal, and supreme intelligence, I also get the latest Britney Spears pictures sent to me via email by my loyal readers on a regular basis. Here's a little "Dear Dave" update with this weekend's pictures of Britney, plus a zip of all the Maxim pictures of the Coors Twins.

Governor Schwarzenegger --
The Terminator is running things now! Don't mess with Cali or you'll be terminated! I don't know what's funnier. The fact that Arnold is our Gov or that 15,155 peopled voted for Larry Flint, 12,549 for Gary Coleman and 9,855 for porn star Mary Carey. Some guy named Todd Richard Lewis finished last with 171 votes. Makes me wish I would've ran to see if I could've beaten his punk ass self.

In all honesty, I think things will be fine with the last action hero running things. It can't get any worse. Plus, from what I've read, he's actually got a lot of the same political views that I do. And, no I'm not talking about my fondness for groping unsuspecting women. In general, I just prefer moderates -- whether Republican or Democrat -- over those to the extreme right or left. Oh, well, I doubt he'll really do anything that really helps or hurts me unless he decides to ban sales of Madden 2004, or all EA products, in California.

Tuesday, October 7, 2003

The Cali recall and other shit --
As promised, I've put together a nice little "Dear Dave" update for all of you blokes to read. In it, you'll find my opinions about things like the recall mess here in California amongst a whole lot of other equally meaningless things.

Monday, October 6, 2003

The Coors twins

...and those twins! --
If I didn't think that the beer tastes like sit, I probably would've started drinking me some Coors Light after the twins commercial, but my taste buds come first. To cut to the chase, the twins in the commercial I'm speaking of -- Elaine and Diane Klimaszewski -- are sharing the honor of being the latest Babe of the Week.

Sure, I could've given it to just one of them, but didn't have the heart to break them apart. Nor did I have the heart to tell one of them that she's the ugly sister. I'm sure it would ruin her life if she were to find out.

Coming soon --
Need to take up some space, so I'll go ahead and let you in on my plans for the coming week. I'll have a "Dear Dave" update tomorrow where I'll answer most of your questions and will share my thoughts on the whole recall mess here in the wonderful state that I happen to call home.

From there, it'll be a matter of posting what I get around to posting, but my plan is to do a new "Cribz" update with photos of my new palace at some point in the future. Oh, yeah, I also plan to cry a lot when the 'Canes get spanked by the 'Noles this weekend. It's pretty much a forgone conclusion in my book.

Sunday, October 5, 2003

Could've been better --
Lost 4.5 lbs in the past week, but would have done better had I not gotten drunk and ate some chili cheese fries at Sparky's at 3AM in the morning. Not really a big deal because you could say that since it was at 3AM then it was technically on my free day... Regardless, I'm now down to 266.5 lbs, which means that I've lost just about all the weight I gained on my vacation.

Saturday, October 4, 2003

Some pet peeves --
Fat chicks in belly shirts. Guys in speedos. Girls wearing granny panties with low-cut jeans (wear a fucking thong, damn it!). Cars driving slow in the fast lane. People talking during a movie. Parents that don't watch over their kids in public (was in a laundromat once where this kid went and opened every dryer in the building and the mom didn't do anything).

Friday, October 3, 2003

Britney's lovely pokies --
You know it's a good day when you check your email and find a bunch of pictures of Britney Spears' nipples poking through her shirt. If I had it my way, those would be the only types of emails I got. So, thanks Kyle! You made my day.

Thursday, October 2, 2003

24 is good and Elisha is hot --
Continuing a tradition I started last year with the first season, I just watched 24 - Season Two in one sitting. It's such a damn good series and I just can't stop watching it once I start.

The big dilema, once again, is whether or not I should watch the third season on TV or wait for the DVD to come out next year. I'm not sure if I can take the week-to-week wait between some of the cliffhangers, as it's seems easier to just forget about it until the DVD comes out.

In case you didn't know, Elisha Cuthbert is really fucking hot. I'd tap that twat like there's no tomorrow. The wilderness dude had the right idea when he was hoping to spend some quality time with her alone in his bomb shelter. I'm not sure if I would've been able to let her out, though.

Wednesday, October 1, 2003

Hotter than Spock? Just a little...

A super hot vulcan --
After watching the scene with her pokies on one of the first couple episodes of Enterprise, I instantly fell in love with Jolene Blalock. Love seems to hit me pretty easily like that. Some might just call it lust, but I know better. I love her and I'm sure that if she ever met me that she'd fall head over heals for me.

Anyway, she's my latest Babe of the Week. And just is the case with almost all of my previous babes, I'm sure that I'll be tapping that ass at some point in the future.

Hot chicks at the mall --
Saw this hot chick standing at the ATM in the mall next to work and just couldn't help myself from tugging on my noodle in her honor upon getting home to the safe confines of my bedroom. I'm thinking that it's about time that I get myself one of those camera phones because I would have loved to take a picture of her right then and there. I'm sure her image in my Spank Bank™ will fade over time and that's a sad thing. I only wish the camera phones took higher quality pictures than they do.

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