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"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?"

- Christina Aguilera

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Happy Thanksgiving --
I'm not sure if I'll be updating or not throughout the holiday weekend, so I'll give you an early "Happy Thanksgiving!". I wish all of you a safe and relaxing four-day weekend, whether you're spending time with your family, friends, or just yourself, your hand and a stack of Maxim. If you're hella bored, here's a small "Dear Dave" update to help pass the time. Let's hope that it doesn't just increase your level of boredom. If it does, just go check out all the previous Babe of the Week winners. Babes = Fun.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Buying a few more things --
I picked up two new DVDs today, including X2: X-Men United and Bruce Almighty, plus a used copy of Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus for PlayStation 2. Sly is one of those games that I always liked, but just couldn't see myself paying a full $40 to own. Now that it's less than $20, I'm all over it. I would've gotten a copy of Ratchet & Clank as well, but they only had it in the shitty red Greatest Hits packaging and I try to avoid that butt ugly crap.

In addition to buying the movies and videogame, I was pretty damn close to picking up that happy Clay Aiken CD. Why would I be close to doing something idiotic like that? Well, I just find it extremely funny that he has a hit song that's all about stalking a chick. The song's called Invisible and here's a snippet of its lyrics:

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room (Umm, sicko stalking pervert!)

If I was invisible
I'd make you mine tonight (Is it just me or does this sound like the scene from that Kevin Bacon movie Hollow Man where the invisible Bacon rapes the former Lara Croft model, Rhona Mitra?)

Simply put, Clay Aiken gots problems. I kind of like his dorky ass because of it, though. Still, I don't think I like him enough to actually buy that damn CD. I'll just mp3 the song and be done with it. My ultimate plan is to start calling various radio stations and dedicating the song to random girls from random guys. Maybe it'll freak someone out because they think they're being stalked. If you're in high school and you know a girl likes a particular radio station, you ought to call it and dedicate the song to her and say it's from one of your friends. It'll be funny, I promise.

Monday, November 24, 2003

Average Joe's Melana Scantlin.

Not-so-average Jane --
I decided to make this week's Babe of the Week the female star of the FOX reality TV show Average Joe. Her name is Melana Scantlin and her babe resume includes stints as a beauty contestant and as an NFL football cheerleder. So that tells us that she fucks like a banshee and knows how to suck a mean cock. Don't ask me as to why this is so, it just is the way it is.

Xbox game #17, PS2 game #82 --
I was able to add another Xbox game to my collection without spending another dime thanks to my roommate Dave "Santa Claus" Smith. He hooked me up with a copy of Crimson Skies: High Road To Revenge for the old Xbox. Now I just gotta practice it some so I can go beat down Peer's ass on Xbox Live. My PlayStation 2 collection has likewise grown by one, as I went ahead and picked up a copy of NBA Street Vol 2 through the company for a mere $10. Not bad bang for the buck, I might say.

Damn the fatty! --
Up a poind this week to 267.5 lbs. I swear. Once I can get under 260, it'll be smooth sailing for a while. It was a perfect week up until the six pack of beer I downed very late Saturday night. Don't ask me why I did it, because it was when I was home and alone. It'd almost be excusable if I were out hunting for some pussy, but I was just jerking it to an SNL repeat with Britney Spears. We'll see how this week goes, but I'm guessing Thanksgiving might screw me in the pooch a bit.

Friday, November 21, 2003

Britney Spears in Playboy? --
It's not happening yet, but I've read that Playboy has offered her seven figures to do a nude photo spread for the magazine. If she turns that down, I'm prepared to offer Britney 12 figures to pose nekkid for my website. Hell, I drop 13 figures in her lap if she does a steamy sex video with me (I'll be sure to turn on the damn lights. Fucking green ass night vision videos can lick my nuts!). If it comes down to it, I'll even throw in my cherished Ricky Williams McFarlane figure sitting on my shelf at work. Whatever you want, Britney. It's yours!

Some cool eBay stuff --
As a favor to a loyal supporter, I've decided to share a link to his current eBay auctions that includes one for a massive Metal Gear Solid 1 & 2 lot with premium collector's editions, actions figures, collectibles and a whole lot more. It's a must see for Metal Gear fans. In fact, you might find yourself bidding against me if you're looking to get it. Anyway, you should check out what he has up for sale.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Smallish "Dear Dave" --
It's not all that big, but it does have enough that makes it worth giving a look. Some of the highlights of today's "Dear Dave" include a link to longer version of the Paris Hilton sex video, an alleged topless picture of Jessica Lynch, and a little "where are they now?" look at some other ex-IGN editors.

The budget gamer --
The budget gamer strikes again with new purchases of old games that are now available for almost no hit on the wallet. My new PlayStation 2 games include The Mark of Kri, Devil May Cry, and Rygar. All three were purchased for a grand total of $35 from EB. You can't complain about paying that much for quality software.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Britney's new CD --
I'm sure that it's no surprise to those of you that know me, but I picked up the new music CD from Britney Spears titled In The Zone today. After a single listen through, I'd have to give it a generic "it's okay". With the exception of Everytime and Me Against The Music, none of the other tracks have jumped out and grabbed me by the nuts just yet. That can obviously change, however, as I listen to everything a bit more. Remember, I didn't care that much for Overprotected the first time I listened to her last disc, but it eventually became my favorite track on Britney.

Oh, and in the realm of things that I'm sure you wish I wouldn't share, I jerked off while listening to her song about masturbation that's titled Touch Of My Hand. Yeah, I know I'm odd, but I thought it'd be pretty damn funny to pleasure myself to Miss Spears while listening to her singing about flicking her bean.

Let's not forget DVD Tuesday --
Britney's new CD wasn't the only big new release today. I also picked up a couple of new DVD movies including The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Special Extended DVD Edition and Lara Croft Tomb Raider The Cradle of Life. I'm guessing I don't really have to explain why I got either one -- I'm a big geek!

Music, movies and...videogames! --
If the new music and movies weren't enough, my dear David Smith saved me $50 by hooking me up with a copy of Final Fantasy X-2 for the PlayStation 2 home entertainment system (Sony used to ask that we always use that phrase when writing the system's name...). FFX-2 is the second of the three titles that I've budgeted to get for the holidays, so it's nice that I didn't have to fork over any cash to get it. Now I only have to get BG&E once it comes out for Xbox since I picked up Prince of Persia last week. Maybe now I can squeeze one more full-priced game out of my wallet since I didn't have to pay for FFX-2.

Monday, November 17, 2003

A babe close to my own age.

Miss Monica Potter--
For this week's babe, I've decided to go with thirtysomething actress Monica Potter. She's a hot blonde that looks a little bit like Julia Roberts, but better in my very knowledgable opinion. Anyway, she's my new Babe of the Week and you can spank it to her if that's what you like. Just be sure to wash your damn sheets afterwards if you're planning to appear on Dorm Raiders at any point in the near future. You don't want to get your dirrty ass busted by the black light.

Another bad start, good finish --
I was able to follow my second straight bad Monday by finishing off the week strong on the BFL front. While it's not much, I'll take the single pound loss as a bit of a victory all things considered. My spirits are pretty high right now, however, because I'm thinking that if I can make it through tonight without fucking off then I should be in for a pretty good week of weight loss. Anyway, I'm now down to 266.5 lbs of sexy man beef.

I'm now a Jedi Master --
My training is now complete. Now that my Darth Vader Force FX Light Saber has arrived, I am now a Jedi Master bent on ruling the world with an iron fist. You now must decide whether you will follow me loyally or die a traitor's death. If you want to see what this baby can do, check out the Dave Z vs. Jedi Jinx (Quicktime) video that I posted last week using Jinx's personal light sabers.

Friday, November 14, 2003

My Final Fantasy goods up for sale --
Since full-priced games cost so much, I've decided to part ways with a lot of my non-videogame Final Fantasy and Squaresoft junk that I've accumulated over the years to help pay for the new stuff I'm buying these days. This includes soundtracks, art books, magazines and so on. Here's some of the stuff I currently have up for sale on eBay:

Final Fantasy VIII Music Collection (CD)
Threads of Fate Music Selection (CD)
Legend of Mana Music Selection (CD)
The Art of Final Fantasy IX (book)
The Making of Final Fantasy The Spirits Within (book)
Final Fantasy VIII Post Card Book (book)
Japanese Final Fantasy IX art book (magazine)

I've also got some other stuff that you can check out if you look at my other auctions by clicking on any of the above listings. But, I'm not really sure what you can do with a Cindy Crawford workout video. It didn't help me lose any weight back when I bought it...

By the way, feel free to email me with any questions that you might have about any of these items if you're interested.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Prince of Persia and Eternal Darkness --
I picked up a couple of more games at lunch, including Prince of Persia for Xbox (16) and Eternal Darkness for GameCube (10) . Prince of Persia is the first of my personal must-buy titles for the holidays (Beyond Good & Evil and FFX-2 are the other two), so I opted not to take the budget-gamer route and wait for it to get to under $20. And with ED, it's well under that price point so I figured it was too good to pass up.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Duel of the geeks --
Had a little extra time to kill on my lunch break, so I challenged Lynell "Jedi" Jinx to a light saber duel. I used Luke's laser sword and Jedi Jinx used Darth's weapon. It ended in a draw...but only because I didn't want to kill him just yet. Here's a video clip of the duel for your viewing pleasure -- Dave Z vs. Jedi Jinx (Quicktime).

New for Cube and PS2 --
My dear Asian brutha came through again for me with a couple of new games that I've been wanting to get. First, there's Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg for the Nintendo GameCube and then there's Virtua Fighte 4 Evolution for the Sony PlayStation 2. That's my 9th game for the GameCube and 76th game for the PS2. I feel guilty about not supporting the cause with VF4 Evo, but didn't want to pay $20 for a game I already owned an import for and hate buying any Greatest Hits packaged game.

A babe-filled "Dear Dave" --
I'm not planning on doing a new BotW today, but those of you looking to get your jerk on may still want to check out this latest "Dear Dave". In addition to a bevy of normal letters, there's quite a bit of babe material including some new pics of Amanda Bynes, a link to the steamy Paris Hilton sex video, a screen cap of Keira Knightley's twins, and a link to a funny and babe-filled jailbait quiz for the aspiring pervs out there.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

A new Xbox game --
I didn't buy anything new, but Mr. Chau finally came through with getting me a copy of DOA: Xtreme Beach Volleyball that he promised me something like 10 years ago. Okay, maybe not that long ago. But it sure as hell felt like it. I'm not complaining, though, because it's free and he didn't have to do it. I'd still love my yelluh brother even if he never came through on his promise. The bottom line is that it is now the 15th Xbox videogame in my collection.

Tomorrow I'm planning to pick up Prince of Persia and I should be getting Beyond Good & Evil next week if it comes in. Outside of those, the only other game I'm buying this year with 100% certainty is Final Fantasy X-2 for PS2. Let me know if there's anything else I should consider getting for myself for the holidays.

Good news, bad news --
The good news is that I was able to drop a couple of pounds in the past week despite my late night binge last Monday night, as I weighed in Sunday at 267.5 lbs. I was able to follow up that bad night with five straight perfect days on both the dietary and exercising fronts. The bad news is that the evils of Monday night hit me yet again last night and I'll probably have to finish off this week perfectly just to get back to the same weight or drop a few pounds again. I think I just need some kind of extra motivation to get me going. One of you reading this needs to promise me sex once I get under 225 lbs. I don't even care if you're male or female. I need something to shoot for to keep me inspired.

Saturday, November 8, 2003

Britney is a masturbating maniac! --
Was just watching some special about Britney Spears and her forthcoming album that drops in a couple of weeks and I just found out that my girl has a song that's all about my favorite pastime -- masturbation. The track is called "Touch Of My Hand" and it features the lyrics "Another day without a lover, the more I come to understand, the touch of my hand". What's even cooler is that when asked about it she said it was "reality" and that "indulging yourself" was a good thing. I agree wholeheartedly! Flick that bean with a reckless abandon, Brit!

Finding Nemo is boring --
I was so unimpressed with Finding Nemo after watching it for the first time last night. The CG is fantastic and it's cute as hell, but the story nearly put me to sleep and there was only one scene in the entire movie that got more than a light chuckle out of me -- and that was the last scene right before the credits that wasn't really a main part of the movie. Weak ass shit for a movie that's grossed over $300 million at the box office and is this year's biggest film. I can't see how anyone over the age of five could even stomach this shit, and I'm generally all about watching mindless kid flicks.

Bad karma --
I went to Safeway around noon to pick up some body wash, flaxseed oil and buffered aspirin. While there, I creped up on some old fat lady who was digging her panties out of her crack as I came around the corner of the medicine aisle and I just blurted out "busted!". She gave my the evil eye and I just chuckled and walked down the next aisle.

Usually I just think that kind of shit, but I said it out loud this time for some reason. Anyway, I think I was hit with a little bad karma because as I was running up the stairs to leave the store, I almost tripped and fell on the last step. Good news is that nobody was around so I didn't lose any cool points.

Thursday, November 6, 2003

Review of Matrix Revolutions --
I'm too lazy to write one myself, but thankfully I've got peeps like Steve to write a bunch for me. Today, he sent me his latest, a fine review of The Matrix Revolutions. He included a spoiler warning, so read it at your own risk. However, he honestly doesn't spoil anything major in it. It's one of those warnings for those not wanting to know anything at all about a movie before they go to see it.

OMG! Matrix Spoilers!!! --
I promise you. You will not find a single spoiler for The Matrix Revolutions on this website. You will, however, find a lot of emails from irate kids thinking that I spoiled Matrix Revolutions for them in my latest "Dear Dave" update. You will also find a lot of completely fake Matrix spoilers in my responses to their emails in this very same"Dear Dave" update. Yes, I'm a fucking bastard and proud of it!

Got 'Cube? --
I was planning on picking up a GameCube on Monday, but Brandon Justice talked me out of it because he said I should wait until the Holiday season gets in full swing because there'd undoubtedly be some kind of a sale bundle with free games. Good advice, so I didn't get one. Then for some reason unbeknownst to me, I bought one yesterday when I was in EB picking up a copy of Baldur's Gate Dark Alliance for PlayStation 2 (replacing the one that Sam's friend stole).

So, there you have it. I now own a 'Cube to go along with my PS2s, Xbox, PlayStations, Saturns, Atari Jaguar, SNES, Genesis, Sega CD, 32X, Game Boys, NES, Atari 5200 and Virtual Boy. Oh, and Agent Smith gave me his copy of SSX 3, so that's also now in my PlayStation 2 collection.

Wednesday, November 5, 2003

Too young for you!

Amanda Bynes versus Hilary Duff! --
Why can't we all just get along? Why can't there be more than just one? Why must it be Debbie Gibson versus Tiffany? Britney versus Christina? Mary-Kate versus Ashley? Can't we handle two girls at the same time? Well, I'm hoping that you guys can. That's why I've decided to give you all two babes for the price of one. The newest Babe(s) of the Week goes to both Amanda Bynes AND Hilary Duff.

Since last week's babe -- porn star Krystal Steal -- was for the adults (if you are under 18, you shouldn't be looking at her pics!). I figured I'd throw the young men out there a bone with these two underage teen actresses. But it's only for the kids! If you are over the age of 18 and living in the United States, you are not allowed inside! The man is watching you.

The Matrix Revolutions --
Just got back from seeing it. Was a pretty good flick. Lots of great special effects, tons of action and the overall pacing was much better than the 2nd movie. I just can't believe they killed off Morpheus. He was the coolest character in the whole trilogy and he dies while taking a dump on the damn toilet. How fucking lame to go out like that. Other than that, though, I really enjoyed the movie and plan on seeing it at least once more in the theaters. I also can't wait until the DVD comes out so I can see the "making of" for some of these new scenes. Should be pretty bad ass. I'd add a "you should go see it", but I figure if you're at all interested that you've already seen it or will be seeing it soon regardless of what I say.

Finding Nemo... --
...in muh belly! Since I had a couple of $10 Replay coupons, I went ahead and picked up Finding Nemo on DVD for free at Suncoast. It is now the 236th DVD in my current movie collection. I've never seen it in theaters, but I hope it's worthwhile. Hell, it is the highest grossing movie of the year so it can't be all that bad. Can it? The CG sure is pretty. By the way, here's a fun little pic for all you Nemo fans out there:

Tuesday, November 4, 2003

My Prerogative --
What's my prerogative? Nothing really. Some guy was just singing that old Bobby Brown song, so it's stuck in my head right now. I used to love hearing it because it was playing when I was making out with some girl in my car back in the day. What's the point of me sharing this? There is none. I'm really just here to let you know that I've updated the "Dear Dave" column with a whole new batch of emails and responses.

Monday, November 3, 2003

Frustrating crap --
I think I've hit a wall in my progress. I really haven't gone anywhere over the course of the past few weeks. I lose one week and then gain the next. This past week? Well, I gained back some of that 7.5 lbs that I had lost the previous week. I'm now tipping the scales at an annoyingly high 269.5 lbs. This week has also started off poorly since I just slammed down some chips & salsa fairly late in the evening. I'll have to finish off this week strong just to get back down to my Sunday weight. Boo!

God damn videogames --
Now that I don't get my shit for free anymore, I really hate this time of the year. There are quite a bit of games that I want to pick up over the course of the next month and a half and I don't really want to have to pay full price for all of them. I guess I'll have to choose wisely. Here's a short list of the games currently on my Christmas wish list:

- Beyond Good & Evil (Xbox)
- Prince of Persia Sands of Time (Xbox)
- Final Fantasy X-2 (PS2)
- Need for Speed Underground (PS2)
- Ratchet & Clank Going Commando (PS2)
- Legacy of Kain: Defiance (Xbox)
- Medal of Honor Rising Sun (Xbox)
- Mario Kart Double Dash (GameCube)
- XIII (Xbox)

Plus, there are still a whole lot of games that have come out somewhat recently that I'm still looking to play including Jak II (PS2), Viewtiful Joe (GameCube), True Crime (Xbox), Crimson Skies (Xbox), Tony Hawk's Undergound (PS2), and a few others. Luckily, Half-Life 2 ain't coming out for a while so I can hold off on getting my new desktop PC. This means more money for my other goodies, including possibly a few of the above mentioned games and some of the high tech gadgets that I'm looking to get soon.