|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Who's Dave Z?
Music
PSX2.com
"Do you want to drive my Porsche?" - Some boob in LA |
I'm suffering from severe panic attacks!
-- However, since then, I have actually thought about things and have realized that I'm really stressed out about a TON of things right now...it's just that I've been doing a great job of just hiding it and putting on a good face, I guess. What's crazy about it all is that I don't "feel" like the stress is bothering me even though it apparently is to the point where I'm having these severe panic or anxiety attacks that have been so extreme that there have been at least 20 or so nights over the course of the past four months where I really thought I was going to die in my sleep. I guess the good thing about knowing exactly what's happening is that I won't really be thinking I'm dying anymore. I'll just know that I'm having one of these attacks, which, btw, I'm having right now. I only wish I could just fix the problem because, once again, I don't "feel" like I'm stressed out. I'm always smiling. I've been in a very joking mood (though, I've always been one to use jokes to deal with other issues). And I have been under the belief that my life's at as good of a point as it's ever been. For those that don't know what one of these are, here are some of the symptoms I've been experiencing: 1) I'll be very aware of my heartbeat and it'll feel and sound really loud and powerful to me. I'll feel it in my throat, my chest, and at various pulse points throughout my entire body. My heart rate will be relatively normal when this is occuring and sometimes even beating on the slower end of normal. 2) I'll experience shortness of breath and will sometimes have problems breathing or feel like I'm not getting enough air. 3) A feeling of terror that seems unexplainable and sometimes a fear of impending death. 4) Dizziness and headachs. 5) Difficulty concentrating. It's not something that happens all the time, but I've been experiencing pretty intensely at least 3 or 4 times per week, usually at bed time. The only times I usually don't is when I'm just so drunk that I just pass out before any of this can kick in. What are the stresses in my life? I guess the biggest one is probably the result of the EA/NFL deal and the uncertainty it has caused with what I'm working on. For the past three years, I've had a clear cut goal with making the best NFL football game on the market. Well, now I'm not making NFL football anymore. You could even add to that to some questions about my employment stability, some intensely stressfull design meetings, and lots of other little work related stresses. The next big thing that's been bothering me these last four months is my inability to get back to consistently losing weight. I'm very motivated, it's something I really want to do, but it just hasn't been going well for me. And it's not anything to do with being at a sticking point or anything like that because I lose the weight when I'm doing the right things, but I'm just fucking up way too much, especially on the diet front. Then there's the every day stuff like my battles with road rage, random family related issues, fuck buddies not coming by enough, and being stuck in GT4 with only a tad more than 5% of the game left to do. Plus, there's also the stress that comes with knowing I'm having these and not knowing how to make them stop. I think this is why today's been particularly rough because I've been having some pretty intense ones throughout the day at work today when it normally was something that only hit me right before heading off to sleep. Oh, well, I'll figure it out.
6,427,499,376 people, where do you rank?
-- For instance, if you read my website you are clearly superior to a person that has never read my website. Based on my tracking statistics, there have been roughly 10 million different people that have visited my website since its inception. What does all that mean? There are 6,417,499,376 (that's 6 billion 417 million 499 thousand 376 hundred) people on the planet who have never once been blessed with the pleasure of viewing this site. And this means that you are superior to all those people. Do the math and you'll realize that you are superior to 99.8% of the world's population. You fucking rock and are in the top 0.2 percentile in the ENTIRE WORLD! Just in case you're wondering where I personally rank, after some extensive research I have found that I am the world's #1 ranked person alive and that there are 6,427,499,375 people that are not nearly as cool as I am. Pretty fucking obvious if you ask me. I guess someone has to be #1, so why the hell shouldn't it be me? Bow down before your ruler, silly little peon. More on my #1 Worldwide ranking -- Knowing this will make the clubbing experience about a million times more enjoyable because at least now when a girl shoots me down I'll know that it really is because I'm just too good for her and that I need to aim for someone much higher on the female food chain. However, part of me is thinking that I need to just be straight up and honest with these chicks and say to them, "Yes, I am the world's top ranked human being. Yes, I'm superior to everyone else in the world including you. Yes, you are lucky that I am talking to you let alone even made eye contact with you. And, yes, you do not deserve me. BUT, one of my qualities that makes me the #1 ranked human being on the planet is that when I'm with a woman I will treat her like SHE is the world's #1 and not me. I will treat her as if the world revolved around her. I make her the center of my universe and put her on a pedastal so high that the heavens are down below her. I treat her as if her happiness and well being is more important than taking my next breath. So, don't let me superiority intimidate you and let me take you back to my apartment and make sweet love to you on my balcony overlooking the southern half of the city. I'm willing to give you that honor!" My place in the world has also opened up my eyes in the areas, such as driving. It's no wonder that everyone else on the road seems less intelligent than me and appear to be idiots in comparison to me. Why? Well, because they ARE. All the things I see as just basic common sense to me is probably really complicated stuff. Maybe the only reason I assume that driving slow in the fast lane is an obviously stupid thing to do is because I'm the top ranked mother fucker on the planet and I know all things. Knowing this, I just can't get mad at all these idiots and neither should you! Because you're in the top 0.2 percentile and probably know these things as well. The old man driving the Toyota Camry Solara that was breaking and slowing down for no fucking reason at every single intersection even when there was a green light or no light at all...well, he's in the bottom 5 percentile. I can't hate on him. He's ranked even lower than the people in those African tribes that think mutilating their genitals is a wise thing to do. Anyway, keep all these things in mind as you wonder aimlessless through life. Considering that you're a DaveZdyrko.com reader, you are better than 6,417,499,376 other people on the planet. So that guy or girl that won't go out with you...well, she's probably in the bottom 99.8%. They're probably just intimidated by your greatness and you obviously can do much better. Keep your heads up little soldiers, I promise you that your lives will be much better now that I've given you this information!
I'm registered to vote!
-- The real point of my sharing this is that I'm actually quite shocked that my registration went through because I'm a convicted felon and the judge told me that I had lost my right to vote and all of my first amendmant rights for the rest of my life or until I got the felony expunged from my records. And according to said lawyer, the felony can only be expunged by actively having it removed by a lawyer no less than five years after said conviction. Yes, it's been more than five years since I violated that goose while traveling across state lines, but I've never spent the $2K or so to get a lawyer to take care of the whole expunging process. Nevertheless, I'm officially registered to vote right now. However, I still plan to use the felony conviction to get me out of jury duty and I'm still planning to respond to those annoying assholes asking me if I'm registered outside of Safeway with, "no, I'm a convicted felon!" in a very angry voice. It's just way too fun not to.
Happy Easter!
-- Not only did I do eight shots worth of vodka before going out, but I pounded down 14 Red Bulls and vodka at Ten15 plus a shot of Jager. And despite all that, I was complaining to Toole that I wasn't drunk and that they must be serving me weak ass drinks. Turns out that I was most likely on some caffeine high that was masking my drunkenness because once I came down from it, I was pretty much floored by the alcohol. Consequently, I woke up with one of the worst hangovers I've had in a very long time. Oh, by the way, Ten15 is starting to draw some hotties. For the longest time, the only reason to go to the club female-wise was for Rheana, the hot bartender. And when she quit, there was no point going if you were trying to see hot chicks and it was only worth going to when a good DJ was playing. However, recently it seems that a decent quality of female talent has been hitting the club. It gets a thumbs up from me. The only downer is that it's still frequented by large groups of really short Asian guys. It stood out more so than usual because Friday night in the Marina, I felt like a midget even though I'm just a tad under 6' tall. There was nothing but 6'4" tall white dudes. Conversely, at Ten15 last night there were throngs of 5'2" little Asian dudes traveling in packs. Sadly, no fights broke out with them because it's always fun to watch some tall dude get in a fight with one of the midgets and then a group of 30 of the little midgets all start jumping on the tall dude. It's very much like at the end of the Jurassic Park movie with the raptors and the t-rex. A lot of times, the tall guy will whip the group's ass and other times he'll be overwhelmed by little squatters hanging on his neck and hair. Regardless, it's always amusing to watch. Just remember that I'm half 'n half, so I have the freedom to make fun of both the yellows and the whites.
Drunk in the Marina District
-- Well, for my first night out in a while, Trevor and I decided to tear up the Marina District, which is where his new home happens to reside. A much better party vibe than North Beach, in my opinion, and a cheaper cab ride by $10, so I'm liking the change. Umm, well, it was a fun night and I got shit-faced like you wouldn't believe. And it was one of those happy/aggressive drunkenesses that resulted in a lot of grabbing of girls' arms and shit. This is always weird because some get very annoyed by it and others actually respond well to it. Maybe it just all depends on whether or not they're into you personally or maybe there's something deep there that has to deal with how their fathers treated them. I don't know or care really. One of the highlights of the night happened when Trevor and I were walking back to his place to get his car to drive me home and he decided to walk into this Asian massage parlor. We were greated by this really old woman and another really old woman came out from the back...we walked out. I ain't paying some 40 year old Asian lady for a Happy Ending, I'll promise you that much. I guess the next big thing worth sharing is that after Trevor dropped me off, I didn't quite make it to the inside of my building. I started making "drunk dials" and decided to lay down on the sidewalk maybe 10 feet from the entrance to my building. I think I ended staying on the ground for maybe two hours and made in the area of 50 or 60 phone calls...many of which were to people living on the east coast and three hours ahead. Eventually I got up and headed inside because some girls walked by and it motivated me to get inside. Plus, there was the fact that if I stayed there any longer I probably would have pissed all over myself. That wouldn't have been a good thing even though it might've been a funny story to share. I wish I had a ton of photos to update with, but I've been camera weary of late and only came away with a grand total of three photographs for the entire night. One was taken at some club we were at in the Marina and the last two were taken in the elevator to my apartment building. Since there are only three I'm just going to post them right here instead of doing a real Photo Gallery update because that'd be a waste of everyone's time. Maybe I'll do better tonight, maybe I won't.
Girls Gone Wild madness!
-- Girls Gone Wild Ultimate Spring Break: Vol. 1 A big'un --
A little overboard? -- I'm a Gran Turismo-holic!
-- Speaking of the rally events, I HATE with a passion the rally racing in GT4. I understand the reasoning for putting in the 5 second penalty, but it was implemented horribly and has completely killed my enjoyment of the rally racing. It was 1 billion times more fun back in GT3 without the penalty. First, it doesn't make sense that you can slam your rear against a wall and not get penalized and then just "tap" your front end against a wall and sometimes get penalized for it. Second, it completely blows that you get a penalty even if you tap the AI cars. Not only is this stupid because it's quite common in racing for cars to tap each other (it's a common practice to even nudge cars in NASCAR racing), but it's triply stupid because the AI cars don't live by the same rules. The AI car will slam into walls and not get penalized. I cry bullshit! And what's worse, the AI car can SLAM into you causing you to get a 5 second penalty because it either hit you in the front part of your car causing a 5 second penalty or by pushing you into a wall, also netting you a 5 second penalty. It's fucking HORRIBLE. Whoever at Polyphony that came up with this brilliant fucking idea should shoot himself in the head. Playing this crap makes me see why they decided to yank the online out of this game because this 5 second penalty was what they came up with to eliminate the cheaters from just ramming into other cars to take corners. Seeing it implemented so horribly in the rally racing makes me feel that it would've SUCKED ASS playing GT4 online with this half-ass fix to the cheating. So....I turned down sex for this? Man, oh, man, I do NOT deserve to have a penis. Hopefully it won't happen again...and hopefully I won't waste $400 buying one of these damn racing chairs from www.bobearlracing.com. BTW, if anyone has picked up one of these contraptions, please let me know whether or not it's any good. I want to use my wheel for this game, but just don't have a good setup for it so I could really use something like that.
The lovely Lisa Grace -- A new DVD -- Well, that is, unless I forget to do it again on the way home from work. I've already forgotten every single day to do this since LAST Tuesday. However, I'm hoing that writing it on my web page will make it more likely that I'll remember to actually pick it up. If I do get it, it'll be the 406th movie in my DVD library. Even if I forget to get it today, I will buy the damn thing eventually, so it's already been added to my list.
Hell is
a toga party -- The fall was super fast and took forever even though the ascent was slow and only took maybe 30 seconds. On the way down I would go through parts where I would scream at the top of my lungs and then other parts where I'd just look around not knowing what's going to happen. It was fairly surreal. Eventually, I fell through the ground and then landed against some hard red rock in what I assumed was Hell. The collision with the red rock was pretty intense, I was no longer a spirit form and I was in a lot of pain. However, upon getting up, things started changing to the better. It was at this point that I looked up to find a bunch of guys wearing toga outfits and girls running around completely naked. Best part was that all the girls had perfect bodies and were absolute dimes, not to mention the fact that there were 10 chicks for every 1 dick. Anyway, a couple of the ladies came up to me, put a beer in my hand and then went to town on me. It was amazing. The rest of the dream was just nothing but partying, drinking and banging lots and lots of hot chicks. Love it. Ides of March --
Do you want to drive my Porsche?
-- guy: "do you want to drive my porsche?" girl: "uhh" guy: "it has 400 horsepower." girl: "i don't even know what that is." I don't know about you, but that's some of the funniest shit ever. I'm seriously considering using that as my $$$ pick up line from now on. Of course, since I don't really drive a Porsche, I'll just be using it as a joke...which I think will actually make it a lot more effective. There was also this guy that tried to impress a girl by saying he could introduce her to Robbie Williams, but she shot that down, as well. Not quite as funny as the Porsche crash and burn, but still good for a laugh. I dunno, I'm thinking I need to hit LA more often.
As gorgeous as they come
-- A missed opportunity --
Anyway, so it's clear that I was DRUNK before even leaving my apartment. And since it was my birthday, I just kept slamming down more as the night went onward at Ruby Skye with Trevor and later my brother John. It was a FUN night to say the least. But, here's the problem with getting that fucked up and the reason for the subject of this post -- I blew a great chance with these FINE women. You see, as Trevor and I were leaving the club and about to head over to meet up with others, I saw a couple of hotties just standing there so I just rolled up to them and told them they should come with us. They said sure, but that they had to wait for their friend, which we did. Everything was great so far. I was in a great mood, was feeling confident, just rolled these fine girls without hesitation and everything was just looking fantastic. However, as we walked to some food place that Trevor suggested we hit, the alcohol just HIT me like a champ and I was pretty much useless for the rest of the night. I went from being confident, talkative and having a good time, to just completely quiet and useless while trying my best not to pass out and/or puke. Oh, well, at least I was able to spank it to the super hot blonde in the group that was from Michigan when I woke up the next morning. Damn, was she ever fine. All three were notches, but she was cut above the two that were sisters living in San Francisco.
Another "fuck you" to the
cunt fortune tellar -- That said, my ass is going to get DRUNK tonight. Sure, I get DRUNK just about every single Saturday night, but this one is a little different because I'll be able to get a little extra obnoxious by using lines such as, "hey, it's my birthday today, can you give me a kiss?" And then as I get more and more drunk as the night progresses, the "kiss" will turn into "spanking" and then eventually to things like "blow job", "hand job", or "sex". It'll be a fun night! Oh, yeah, for those not familiar with what the subject above is in reference to, it's talking about this fortune tellar that I talked to over 10 years ago that told me that I'd never live to see my 30th birthday. In a very roundabout way, it's one of the things that motivated me to get on BFL and get out of debt when I did.
Deanna loves me! --
For more...check out the Archives © 2002 by Dave Zdyrko. All Rights Reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyrights reserved herein, no part of this web site may be reproduced in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission of the authors. ™ and © for all products, characters, and indicia related thereto which are contained herein are owned by the companies who market or license those products. If you have any comments or questions, please e-mail the Webmaster. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
