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"You look like this stripper I helped put through college."

- Me to some girl at a club

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

One more day 'till payday! --
I may be hurtin' for cash right now (damn partying costs too much!), but that's not going to stop me from delivering you an all-new "Dear Dave". In today's update, you'll find topics about my babe choices, my lack of game, doint the hotel thing at E3, Jeanie Buss in Playboy, chicks and beer, finding Restorer 2000, getting rid of accidentally downloaded kiddie and animal porn from your drive, my take on the recent NFL roster changes, Elisha Cuthbert topless, and a little more.

Monday, March 29, 2004

Get out of my bed, I'm done!

Smokin' red head --
Taking another suggestion from the Z Boards, I've decided to name Angie Everhart my newest Babe of the Week. She's a tall slender redhead with a slammin' body and legs to kill for. It doesn't even matter that she has about three and a half years on me, I'd hit it in a heartbeat...and would probably last only about two.

Got no game --
I'll get lucky every once in a while, but I've got absolutely no skills at striking up conversation in loud nightclub atmospheres. Not only am I a really low talker, as seen by the fact that most people have to ask me to repeat myself even in quiet rooms, but I just don't care much for small talk and meaningless conversation. Subsequently, I never have much to say.

The only time I ever get anywhere is when I'm in one of those silly moods I occasionally get in where I'll just say stupid things in an effort to half-annoy and half-amuse whomever I'm talking to. Regardless, I still managed had some fun at The Velvet Lounge and Fuse this past Saturday night here in SF.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Sweet as Honey --
Don't really have anything important to say today except that it seems that EVERYONE wants to borrow my copy of Honey on DVD. And they all ask to borrow it after they first laugh and say, "I can't believe you bought Honey!" Damn it, people! Jessica needs our support or else she may stop appearing in new movies!

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Technology is scary --
Well, my friends, it turns out that just about all of my personal information that I had thought was gone and lost forever has been recovered. Thanks to a little program called Recover2000, or Tron as I like to call him, I was able to get back all that was lost on my new notebook from the hard drive on my old laptop that I had formatted a couple of weeks ago. In the end, the only crap that remains missing are the emails received between the 7th and 22nd of March. Pretty impressive work by Tron, I must admit.

The only bad news is that I'm now trying to figure out how I can completely erase all of the underage teen porn, which I downloaded by accident, that still sits hidden on my old hard drives. I had thought that I had gotten rid of all traces of that mess forever, but Tron managed to find all of it nestled within various sectors of the formatted drive. Sadly, the beerpoop.AVI that I was hoping to share with some friends was nowhere to be found. Maybe Tron just wanted to keep that one for himself.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Lost it all! --
It's a long story and I don't feel like sharing all the details, but my hard drive got completely wiped last night. The bad news is that I've lost ALL of my email, financial records, tax records, personal files and what not. All of it is gone and never to be found or seen again. The good news is that while my porn was wiped out, too, I actually saw fit to have CD-R backups for all of that stuff. As you can see, I have my priorities completely where they ought to be.

Because of this, if you've sent me an email that wasn't posted in Sunday's "Dear Dave" update or responded to personally, the chances are that I no longer have it. So, if you want a response in a future "Dear Dave" you'll probably have to send it again just to be safe. Maybe next time I'll back up the personal data like email and my financial records at the same time I save my porn...

New movies and games --
Oh, my! I've added four new DVDs to my movie collection -- Rundown, Gothika, Honey, and Uncovered. The first because it's supposedly funny, the second because Halle is hot, the third because it's the "greatest movie since Paranoid and The Sleeping Dictionary" and the fourth because I like getting to see Kate Beckinsale's bare breasts. In addition to these movies, I've also recently purchased on the cheap Final Fantasy Mystic Quest for SNES, Ys Book I & II for the Duo, and Twisted Metal for PlayStation.

Monday, March 22, 2004

One of the hottest babes I've ever seen in person.

Fine ass woman --
For this week's Babe of the Week, I'm giving you one of the best looking women that this tubby bastard has ever seen up close and in person -- Rebecca Romijn-Stamos. I got to see her a couple of times while going to Sony celebrity parties down in LA and was just blown away by how much better she looked in person than in pictures or movies. Hell, she's even hotter than Anthony Chau, who's one of sexiest beings that walks this planet. Basically, she's hot shit. You should spank it to her. I'm doing it right now while typing all this crap up. Just remember that if you ever have to use my keyboard at work or home.

Need a girlfriend?--
Or at least need to give off the illusion that you have a girlfriend to get your friends, family or co-workers off your back? Well, then look no further than Imaginary Girlfriends. It's some crazy ass site where you can pay some bitch to help create the illusion that you're not a loser and actually have a female companion. She'll send you letters, pictures, and gifts. Leave you voice messages, AIM you, and when you eventually break up, she'll even send you a letter saying how much she wants you back. Why would you do this? I have no fucking clue. But, I laughed my ass off reading the site after someone at work forwarded me the link. I figured I ought to share the love with all of you silly bastards.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Words of wisdom --
Believe it or not, there aren't any babe requests in today's "Dear Dave". There are, however, some discussions about topics including, The Girl Next Door, mapping out an E3 game plan, bukkake, tips on having a good time in Germany, drinking absinthe, good porn to masturbate to, learning how to dance (poorly), and my thoughts on whether or not test is a "lowly" job.

Fun Friday, boring Saturday --
So, why am I flipping you off in the picture to the right? Well, first off, to show the ladies just how big my hands are. Beyond that, I'm just pissed off that I didn't go out drinking on Saturday night. Didn't have anything planned out and just couldn't decide on where to go, so I just stayed home and watched the Playboy Channel. It was a sad, sad night, indeed.

Luckily, the weekend wasn't all bad because Friday night's fun at Ten15 kicked many flavors of tasty nut sack. The DJs blew me away and I was dancing non-stop from about 10:30PM through 1:30AM. And when I finally stopped to have a seat, I amazingly had some luck talking to a bunch of different chicks (all of them were obviously on ecstasy...).

Afterwards, I just spent the last two hours hanging in the DJ booth with Toole (he's "in" with the whole DJ crowd) while gawking at this extremely hot bartender from a distance. I think her name is Rheanna. I would've hit on her, but opted not to because I figured hitting on a bartender was a bit taboo and I didn't want to have any problems getting alcohol from her in the future. I may, at some point down the road, try to see if she's interested in being a BotW.

When the place closed at around 4:30AM, we met up with my brother and his girl at the End Up, as is the norm when partying into the wee hours of the morning around these parts. Finally left for home at some point early in the morning when the sun started to show it's ugly face.

I'll have some photos that Toole took throughout the night to share with all of you in a day or two. We weren't nearly as fucked up as we look in the pictures, though. I just like to pose for photos that way because it's more fun. I only had three Raspberry Red Bulls (raspberry vodka and Red Bull) during the course of the night and followed that up with about six waters.

My future car --
I really, really want this car, by the way. Hopefully I can get one in early May...my Accord's overheating is getting annoying now that the weather has been warmer here of late. Replacing it with an Infiniti G35 Sports Coupe (Skyline in Japan) would be a nice upgrade.

Friday, March 19, 2004

Boring words, but pretty pictures --
Not much in the way of eloquent text in today's "Dear Dave" update, but there are a couple of large sets of pictures of Zoya and Stacy's mom within. Other than that and a couple of emails about super powers, booze and having fun in Germany as a 16 year old, it's just about wanting this or that girl as a Babe of the Week. Oh, yeah, I'd probably post some nudes of Sarah Lane, but I don't know who this chick is...so stop asking!

By the way, I'll be partying at 1015 tonight with all the squatters. Josh Gabriel and Dave Dresden are DJ'ing and I'm told that they're quite good. So, I'll be spending the night drinking lots of Red Bull and vodka and bouncing around like I'm dancing to the music even though I'm not. All in the name of having a good time.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

No super powers for me --
I was thinking about what I would do if I had super powers while driving to work this morning, like I often do, and I came to the realization that I'll probably never get any real super powers because I would only use them for evil. Regardless of what power that would be bestowed upon me, there's not a single one that would make me think, "hey, I can use this to stop crime, help people, and just make this world a better place".

In fact, whether the power be super human strength, invisibility, the ability to control or read minds, fly, move super fast, or whatever the hell you can think of, my end goals would always be the following three things: 1) Get money -- this could be through theft or by using my power to increase my income legally. 2) Server my perverted ways -- I'd use my powers to get laid more or to see more naked women (invisibility would be nice for this). 3) Fuck with people -- practical jokes, screwing with people's minds, etc.

That's pretty much it. I wouldn't stop a crime just for the sake of doing it. If I did happen to thwart some criminal, it would probably be because I thought it would get me more money or help get my laid. The world would surely be a better place for me, but for everyone else on the planet, it'd take a big step backwards. I'm theorizing that this is the reason that I will never get any super powers in my lifetime. Just thought I'd share.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Nekkid chicks are cool --
Today's "Dear Dave" covers topics like getting dumped, Average Joe, different types of vodka, Charisma Carpenter naked, Tech TV's Sarah Lane naked, Stacy's mom naked, Britney Spears naked, hot Swedish babes, and some other random things. Basically, there's a whole lot of talk about fine women being naked. Hell, there's even a few pictures of hot babes being naked. I guess nekkidness is what makes the world go around.

A new movie --
I picked up 21 Grams on DVD today because it's DVD Tuesday and that's what I do. I have no idea if it's a good movie or not, but I've heard some positive things. Plus, there's apparently some Naomi Watts nudity in it...and, as I'm sure you can clearly tell by today's and every other day's update, I'm a huge fan of the naked female form.

Monday, March 15, 2004

She may look sweet, but she's going to break your heart.

Right on time --
I won't wait until the end of the week to give you the new Babe of the Week this time. So, here she is...the lovely Elle Williams. Elle is one of the many Mystique models that I've fallen in love with since being fist introduced to the site when looking for pictures of Diana and Lisa way back in the day. And, yes, it is love and not just some cheap feelings of lust. I'm a big man and subsequently have a whole lot of love to share with the beautiful women of this world.

A cheap drunk --
If I could chill a little on the $20 tips when I'm drinking, I'd save myself a whole lot of money when going out because it doesn't take all that much alcohol to get me feeling damn good these days. I got pretty tanked Saturday night and only had about six vodka tonics throughout the course of the entire evening. It kept me nice and buzzed until I finally went home at 9:30AM in the morning. Not too bad, all things considered.

By the way, One8One once again proved to be filled with fine ass honeys and the End Up was the typical nice place to hang out in into the wee hours of the morning, even though it was filled with a few tranny's and such. I was just having fun bobbing my head while listening to the music with my sunglasses on and a smile on my face. Life can be cool like that.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Party night! --
Heading out again tonight because I realized that I can't let my weight loss goals keep me from having fun. I just gotta be responsible with what I drink (no beer or sugary drinks), be reasonable about how much I drink, don't eat anything when I'm drunk, and smoke a whole lot of crack to burn off whatever excessive calories I intake over the course of the evening. It's quite simple, really.

Plus, there's the whole thing about seeing tons of hot bitches increasing my motivation to lose weight. I've had a phenomenal week on the diet and exercise front and I'm giving some of the credit to all the fine notches I got to check out last weekend while celebrating my 31st. Anyway, the plan for tonight is to go to some videogame bar, then head to One8One and end up at the End Up to listen to Miguel "Migs" spin some good House Music. If you happen to be in the area, feel free to grab my ass if you bump into me.

Friday, March 12, 2004

She's obviously day dreaming of yours truly.

South African beauty --
Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. I'm very fucking late with this week's Babe of the Week. Get over it! Shit happens, as I'm sure life has already taught you quite well. Anyway, my new babe for the week is the lovely Charlize Theron. She's a hot blonde originally from South Africa. I've whacked to her honor many a time over the past decade and I'm fairly certain that I'm not the only one that's been doing it. Have fun!

Playboy Breast Test --
Think you know your titties? Well, put your knowledge to the test by checking out this linky link. It's a little test by Playboy to see how good you are at telling apart the real ones from the fakies. I got a perfect score because I am the TITTY TYRANT!

The good old days --
Living in a small one-bedroom apartment with five roommates. Sharing the living room with three other guys. Getting drunk every single damn night of the week. Walking by crack dealers, hookers, and bums pissing and shitting in the middle of the sidewalk on the way to and from BART in the morning and evening. A new big industry party every single damn week...and many times multiple ones in the same week. The mystique of the Freemont Denny's. Chugging bottles of the Royal Gate vodka because it was so damn nasty that you couldn't down it any other way.

I really miss the early days of my time here in San Francisco back when I first started with IGN. The gaming industry just isn't as fun as it once was. Sure, things are definitely going great from a professional standpoint for me, but the after work life just isn't quite as tasty as it once was. "Boo", I say! That's all I'll say about this. I just wanted to rant about something that nobody would really understand except for maybe me and a few of my close friends.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Been there, done that... --
The "Dear Dave" love train has been given the all aboard...okay, I don't even know where the hell I was going to go with that. The mail section has been updated and the topics include a pet peeve of mine that keeps me from reading my own website, more talk about the Average Joe finale from a few weeks back, Mimi Rogers' jugs, Smashing Pumpkins' music, b-days, oily threesomes, vodka choices, and the billionth request for the naked pictures of the chicks from Real World / Road Rules (I might just have to post a link to the zips on this page, so people stop asking for them...nah, but that would be too easy).

Obesity kills --
Obesity is set to pass cigs as the nation's top killer. Here's the link. Just remember that the next time you make fun of a fatty -- he or she just might sit on your ass and kill your worthless self!

Tuesday, March 9, 2004

A bunch of new goodies --
Not only did I get a couple of new DVD movies today -- Futurama Vol. 3 and Schindler's List -- but I also finally received a few of the goodies that I ordered for myself in the last week or so, a Turbo Duo and a Sony Vaio TR3A Notebook. I got both of them for relative steals on eBay, as I was pretty much monitoring both items over the course of the past two months waiting for the best deal possible. The Duo was gotten for less than $160 with shipping and the TR3A was snatched up for a mere $1700, which is more the $500 less than its retail price.

I'm still waiting to pull the trigger on the iPod and Sony RDR-GX7 DVD Recorder. I saw a couple of each go for a little more than half of their normal retail price a few weeks ago and will probably snag 'em up when I next seem them go for that low and not a penny more. That's my basic eBay buying philosophy when getting things that I'm not in a hurry to have.

Monday, March 8, 2004

A fun birthday weekend --
I did the party thing on both Friday and Saturday night to celebrate my 31st birthday. My Friday festivities started at around 11PM at a club called 181, which happens to have the highest number of fine ass chicks that I've ever seen in a San Francisco bar or night club. From there, we went to a couple of other places, ending up at a place appropriately called the End Up where we stayed until around 9 or 9:30AM before heading home.

I finally got to bed at 10AM, but didn't get all that much rest as I got up about 90 minutes later because I had to leave for work at 11:30AM. I worked from about Noon until 6PM before taking off and heading to Macy's to pick up some new party clothes for the new night. Took care of some crap, cleaned up and then met up with Brandon before heading back to 181 at around 10:30PM, which happened to have about twice as many unbelievably fine pieces of ass than the night before. This time, however, I only stayed until 4PM before heading home to finally get some decent rest because I was pretty damn spent.

All in all, it proved to be a couple of entertaining nights of drinking and acting stupid. I dropped about $400 over the course of the weekend, but I actually didn't really have all the much alcohol because the five to six drinks I had each night were enough to get me a nice buzz going. Most of the money I spent was on bottled water and tips throughout the night trying to keep myself properly hydrated to avoid a hangover.

Unless you count the tranny I scored with, I sadly didn't get lucky on my birthday. All I was able to do was weasel some birthday hugs and a little kiss that was more of a peck than anything else. I guess I can't really complain.

The best thing about the whole experience is that seeing all these fine women -- including fine white chicks, who I didn't think existed in this city -- has lit a spark under my fat ass to get back on track with my BFL plans.

Friday, March 5, 2004

31 years old --
It's my 31st birthday today. Not too exciting of a number, quite frankly. Turning 30 was big because it signified going from my 20s to my 30s. And let's not forget it was also the age that I was supposed to die before reaching according to the fortune teller I talked to nearly a decade earlier. Turning 32 will be a huge deal because it'll mean that I'm TWICE as old as 16-year-old girls...and that's quite noteworthy in my book. Turning 31 just doesn't really have much meaning. Regardless, I plan to get my drinky on tonight. It should be fun.

Thursday, March 4, 2004

School of Rock --
Forgot to share the big news with all of you, but I picked up School of Rock on DVD this past Tuesday. Exciting news, eh? I guess I bought it because I think Jack Black is really freaking hot...uh, I mean funny. He's really funny. Haven't watched it yet because the 7AM to 10PM work days this week have been keeping me pretty busy and my current work movie of choice is Steven Spielberg's Taken because I'm borrowing it and want to get it back to the owner quickly.

Wednesday, March 3, 2004

Letters and such --
There's some new crap in the "Dear Dave" section for you guys to read if you choose to. Today's subjects include Average Joe 2, Memento, Brittany Daniel, Lisa Gleave, and a few other random things.

My American Idol --
My hopes and dreams will undoubtedly get crushed shortly, but I'm hoping that 23 year old Lisa Wilson makes it into the next round of American Idol. Why should she? Well, she's got a damn fine body for one! Lisa's got some big titties, a slim waist, a nice round booty, and I've been told that her koochie smells like a bed of roses on a cool Summer morning. I don't really care if her voice is only average. I wanna hit it! At the very least, she needs to get into hardcore porn.

Tuesday, March 2, 2004

Plumber crack ain't always a bad thing...

Fine piece of Asian ass --
A co-worker keeps giving me these import car magazines to read, so I keep having to rub a few out to these import car models because it's what I like to do. One of the newest deposits into my Spank Bank™, who was introduced to me in one of these said import car magazines, is Jennifer Lee, who I've decided to make this week's Babe of the Week. Hell, she's so fine that my grammar is even worse than normal.

William Hung losing his mojo --
I've been a big fan of the Hung-meister ever since seeing him do Ricky Martin better than Ricky Martin on American Idol several weeks ago. However, I gotta admit that he's starting to lose me some now because he's almost getting too good. Sure, he still sucks ass as both a singer and a dancer, but his level of suckness is no longer so low that you just have to love the guy. Nevertheless, he still stands as the best American Idol ever in my book. The kid just needs to stop taking singing lessons so he doesn't get too good.

Fabio? Wtf? --
I was watching Average Joe 2 last night and experienced a big "what the fuck?" kind of a moment towards the end of the season finale. I wasn't shocked that she picked the hot guy who she was merely "intrigued" by over the average guy who she thought had a great personality, was fun to be around, and offered up some deep conversational moments because that's just how shit works in this world. The hot guy was simply higher on her ladder than the average looking guy that had all these great things about him that she loved because she was more attracted to the hot guy. Nothing wrong with that. It's just how things work.

The thing that was so unreal to me was that during her final date with this hot guy, she revealed what was touted as a "huge secret". It turned out that this big secret was that she used to date Fabio. Umm, okay? I'm apparently missing something because finding this out just destroyed the hot guy she picked enough that he decided to dump her over it. Sure, Fabio is a dweeb, but would you dump a girl just because she used to date a guy like him? Come on, it's not like she was boinking Dennis Rodman or a guy with an 18" cock that you would never measure up to (i.e. - me).

Monday, March 1, 2004

Morgan wins! --
Playboy.com recently posed the question, "Which of TechTV's sexy techies would you most like to see nude on Playboy.com?" The winner has just been announced as former Babe of the Week Morgan Webb. I guess all the voting I did last weekend paid dividends!

All this means, however, is that they're going to invite her to pose for Playboy.com and I haven't heard anything concrete about whether or not she's going to do it. Likewise, Playboy.com also extended invitations to pose in all their nekkidness to the losers of the poll -- Melanie Kim, Sarah Lane, Cat Schwartz and Laura Swisher. Here's to hoping that they all decide to shed their clothes for the sake of all mankind.

Champions of Norrath --
I was drunk and performed some sexual favors for Toole, so he hooked me up with a copy of Champions of Norrath for PlayStation 2. It's cool because the game's been high on my wish list since finishing Badlur's Gate Dark Alliance a few weeks ago and subsequently finding out that the same developers worked on this particular game. I figure I'll start playing it some either tonight or tomorrow.