Sunday, June 30, 2002

Natalie Portman, the lesbian --
My roommate sent me a message when I was at work earlier this week with the following news:

Yes, Natalie DOES have an ass crack.

Sensual Star Wars babe Natalie Portman has feelings for other women. The stunning actress who plays Senator Amidala in Attack Of The Clones announced that, although she has never explored her lesbian fantasies, she would not rule it out. The sexy stunner, who once dated Moby, claimed that although her personality is more compatible with men she wouldn't want to close herself off to girl only action. She says, "I've never dated a woman or anything like it. But I think it's much more the person that you fall in love with and why would you close yourself off to 50-per-cent of people?"

My reaction was obviously pure joy and the Marv Albert-like "YES!" that I yelled out when I got the message is proof of that. What bothers me about the whole thing is that I haven't been able to fantasize about it yet because I haven't thought up a suitable match for her yet. 

If it were Britney Spears who said this I would instantly fantasize of her and Christina getting it on complete with strap-on dildos and rough anal sex. But I can't think of who to hook Natalie up with in my dreams. It's driving me crazy. I guess it'll just have to be me and her until I can find someone worthy. 

The movies stink, literally --
Alright. I decided to take a break from the ole NFL 2K3 and check out the new Adam Sandler flick, Mr. Deeds, with Brandon and his kid brother. It was a good movie, had some really funny moments and inspired me to jerk it to Winona Ryder for the first time ever tonight. I've never thought much of her at all in the past, but she just did it for me in this movie for some reason. 

As has become the norm of late, the movie or my masturbatory escapades afterwards aren't what I want to talk about. For the third time in a row, I've had to sit through some wicked odors at the movies. Yes, I do understand that the "bomb" dropped at Spider-Man was my doing, but I had nothing at all to do with the eye-watering stench I had to sit through back when I saw A Beautiful Mind and I was not responsible for tonight's awful smell, either. 

The thing that was really odd about these two instances was who was responsible for the stink. Just as was the case with my viewing of A Beautiful Mind, the bad smell came from some old lady who sat next to me after arriving at the theater well after the commercials and trailers had begun. In both cases, the lady left about halfway through the film, was gone for approximately 30 minutes, and came back with a stench that would kill off most cockroaches. It literally made my eyes water and has made me contemplate never ever going to a movie again.

I plan to check out Minority Report tomorrow night and if I have to sit through any kind of bad odor again, I will swear off going to the movies forever. 

Monday, June 24, 2002

She's a hot E3 booth babe and you get to see her fully nude. If you want to, that is.

Another (Booth) Babe of the Week --
Diana Kauffman wasn't the only E3 2002 booth babe that made my one-eyed monster want to come out of his cave while walking the show floor. In fact, Tecmo had four cuties on display at its booth that all gained instant access into my Spank Bank™.  

One of these scrumptious babes, Lisa Gleave, has even earned the honor of being named this week's Babe of the Week. Even though Lisa wasn't nearly as forthcoming as my girl Diana, she was hot as hell at E3 and is more than deserving of being a Babe of the Week. 

It doesn't hurt that I found some nice nudes of her, either. Yeah, that's right. This is the second booth babe that I've been able to present to you in her birthday suit. 

Yep, still a whore --
I have yet another photograph that lends credence to the belief that pop-sensation Christina Aguilera is nothing more than a cheap whore. What irks me is that she has yet to do full nudity. It obviously isn't a case of her just being "above that kind of stuff" because most spreads in Hustler are classier than the stuff she's been wearing. Hopefully, all this whoring around is just setting us up for her big breakout in Playboy.  

Sunday, June 23, 2002

Large "Dear Dave" Update --
It better be large considering I haven't updated the section in nearly a month. If you've sent in an email since the last update and haven't yet received a personal response, then you'll likely see it in this new update to "Dear Dave". 

My lovely little whore --
I used to hate the fact that Christina Aguilera has been moving away from her clean, natural look to that of a cheap two-dollar whore. But the more I see of her being the slut that she obviously wants to be, the more I realize that I might actually have a shot of nailing her some day. 

All that needs to happen is for us to be at the same party or club and the next day I guarantee that the 'net would be flooded with a Tommy Lee/Pam Anderson style video with me and my Super Penis™ in all of Ms. Aguilera's orifices.  

Just look at these pictures and you'll agree that there's no reason that I can't bang this chick:

Thursday, June 20, 2002

Yes, I'm still alive --
But I'm very, very busy and very, very tired. The only reason I'm able to update right now is that I ran out of clean clothes and was forced to do some laundry. I figured I could throw up a quick update while my clothes are being dried. Don't you ever start thinking that I don't love ya!

Brand new DVDs --
I eat at the mall every Wednesday because it gives me an excuse to stop by Suncoast and pay too much for DVDs. Some of the recent additions to my DVD Collection include Black Hawk Down, UHF, and Monster's Ball. Black Hawk Down is a great movie, but not one that you can watch while working because it'll cut your productivity in half. UHF is some funny shit. And Monster's Ball is pretty worthless, except for the fact that Halle Barry is hella hot even when they try to make her not.

Babes, Letters, Booty --
You can expect a new update to the "Dear Dave" section this weekend and I promise to have a new Babe of the Week for you on Monday (another naked booth babe -- but I'm going to censor the thumbnails, so those of you that don't want to see the nudity don't have to). 

I've just been kind of busy working on that game I've been working on -- NFL 2K3. 

"It's the best football game that I've ever helped make!" -- Dave Zdyrko

Just email me if there's anything you have a question about that you want answered in the next "Dear Dave". If you don't, you'll just go through life not knowing the answers. 

Monday, June 3, 2002

Wanna see a booth babe without her clothes on?

Naked Booth Babe of the Week --
After seeing this lovely booth babe for the first time at E3, I instantly fell in love with her. Great tits, unbelievable ass, and a fantastic smile. She also let me slide my hand down her back and fondle her ass without even showing any signs of anger. Hell, she even smiled at me afterwards. She's the ultimate booth babe. 

Well, kids, thanks to Chris Carle of IGN I was able to find out her name -- Diana Kauffman. And with that in hand, I was able to do some research that eventually led me to some amazing nude photographs of this aspiring model. So, click on over to this week's Babe of the Week -- Diana Kauffman -- and check out this beautiful E3 2002 booth babe in all her nude glory. 

Spoiler: Austin Powers & Britney Spears --
It looks like my girl, pop princess Britney Spears, will be using her beautiful boobies as a weapon to fight off Austin Powers in the upcoming flick Goldmember. It has been reported by Britain's Daily Star tabloid that in one scene Austin wanders onto the set of one of Brit's music videos and discovers that she's really a deadly Femme Bot. In the scene, she apparently jokes about the real-life rumors that she's had implants, as she's quoted as saying, "It's true, my breasts have been enhanced." Her nipples then open up to reveal machine guns, which she fires at Powers. 

Sunday, June 2, 2002

Dropping bombs at the movies --
I decided to go see Spider-Man for the second time last night because my heterosexual life mates, Sam Bishop and David Toole, hadn't seen it yet and wanted to give it a watch. The movie and how it was damn good isn't what I wanted to share, however. 

What I wanted to share with you guys is the fact that I let loose a bomb of sorts during the film that can be best described as a chemical or biological weapon. It was one of those silent but deadly stinkers that will make your eyes water if you're within a 10 foot radius of the detonation point. 

What's worse is that there were almost a dozen aftershocks that I swear didn't come from me, even though they all smelled as if they came from the same source. Sam claims he never farted, even though he let one creep out in the car afterwards that had the exact same smell, and Toole says his farts smell like roses, so it couldn't have been him. 

I guess the Green Goblin did it. 

Saturday, June 1, 2002

Yet Another "Dear Dave" Update --
Small, but thick, just like your dick. That's the way I'll describe this update to the "Dear Dave" letters section. In this update we discuss things like booth babes, the morality of posting paparazzi photos, Doom III, picking up prostitutes and playing Conker's Bad Fur Day for the Nintendo 64. -more-

Naked Booth Babes --
Yes, that's right my friends. Naked booth babes. In a past update I mentioned that I have nude photos of one particular E3 2002 Booth Babe. I have since found nude photos of a second booth babe of the recent Electronic Entertainment Expo. So, within the next week or two, you can expect to see at LEAST two of the E3 2002 Both Babes in their birthday suits on this poor excuse for a website. God, I love the Internet.

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