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"If you want to have sex with me you have to put the bag over your head so I can't see your face."

- Christian Troy, Nip/Tuck

Friday, January 27, 2006

Happy Birthday Sam Kennedy --
My longtime friend and former roommate during the infamous "Mission District" period of my life that included lots of liquor, buying alcohol for underage friends, chasing hookers to try and get them to play Guitar Freaks with us, and sleeping in a small living room with what seemed like a dozen people is turning 27 years old today and is celebrating his first-ever birthday as a married man. Happy Birthday, Sam K!

Sick as fuck --
I think I've been sick for just about all of the past two weeks, with it just getting worse and worse right now. I'm congested beyond belief, I can't breathe through my nose, my throat hurts, my ears hurt, my head hurts and I'm coughing and sneezing way too much. The only good news is that my downstairs buddy is working perfectly fine so the cold hasn't put a damper on my sex life, which has been once with a woman and 89 times with my hand so far in 2006. But, yeah, I'm sick and I hate it.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Some good news --
WWell, I'm hella relieved today because I just found out that I did get the roadside hazard insurance when I bought the tires and they were replaced for free. Well, I had to pay like $14 for roadside hazard protection on the new tire, but that's much better than the $200 I would've had to pay for a new one. Sure, it's more than what is in my checking account, but it won't be that hard to find someone to loan me a few bucks. It's about time something goes right for me!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Fuck pot holes! --
Seriously, the pot holes around here are out of control. I can almost forgive the ones in the city because you're never really driving all that fast so they don't do much damage but the ones on 101 are a terror. Hitting some giant pot hole at 65 MPH just isn't good for your tires or the car's alignment or suspension. So, why do I bring this up right now? Well, because the huge ass pot hole right before the Corte Madera exit heading south on US101 blew my stupid fucking tire and I'm pissed off like you wouldn't believe. I have exactly $10 in my checking account and can't afford to buy a new one. Luckily my spare is a full-size and hopefully I was wise enough to get the roadside hazard insurance with the tire or else I'll be exceedingly pissed.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Jerome Bettis: You Can't Spell Team w/o M E --
Am I the only one that's just annoyed as fuck about all this Jerome Bettis shit? All they ever do is talk about Bettis this and Bettis that and they're forever showing his mom in the stands. It's gotten way worse than that crap with Kurt Warner's wife at every other fucking cut. It's so freaking annoying that I'm hoping he fumbles during the first drive over the Super Bowl, his mom has a heart attack and dies, and then Jerome finds out and slits his wrists right on the sidelines. Now that would be good television, unlike this weekend's boring ass jokes that they had the nerve to call Championship games.

Okay, so I don't really wish that scenario would come true and honestly have nothing against Jerome or his family. However, I am angered at the media for its coverage of him. Case in point -- the dude's passionate 10 minute speech where he tells the team that they need to come together and give their 110% to get HIM into the Super Bowl in his home town of Detroit because it might be his last year. Ummm? Isn't that the opposite of what the NFL and the media tend to say that football is all about?

Shouldn't it be more about getting the Steelers to the Super Bowl and not some washed up football player that's only good in short yardage situations? If T.O. said this, the media would call him the most self-centered and egotistical athlete of all time. I don't think it's wrong for him to say this and I think it probably motivates his teammates because they love and respect him, but fuck the media for glorifying him for being so egotistical and self-serving.

BCS wins! --
As much as the BCS sucks and has fucked Miami, I'm starting to think that it's the right way to do things. If football is a game that any team can win on any single day, then why do we determine a Champion with a single-elimination tournament where upsets can occur? Wouldn't it make more sense to try and judge a team's greatness by how they perform over an entire 16 game season rather than on one particular day on January? Just think about it -- you wouldn't have to worry about teams resting their starters late and we would have a better chance at getting the two best teams playing in the Super Bowl.

For instance, in the Super Bowl following the 1985 season we got the New England Patriots and the Chicago Bears. The Bears were the best team in the NFC and the Patriots were a wild card team that just so happened to have a little winning streak at the right time and made it into the big dance because of it. Over the course of the FULL season, it was clear that the Dolphins were the BEST team in the AFC, but on that ONE given Sunday, the Patriots were better and won. Well, the Bears won 55-10 and it was one of the most boring Super Bowl's ever. How much more exciting would it have been if it were a Bears vs. Dolphins rematch of the MNF game where the Dolphins gave the Bears their only loss of the season? Infinitely more, I'd assume.

Another perfect example would be the Super Bore between the Denver Broncos and the Atlanta Falcons. The Falcons made it thanks to the FIRST field goal missed during the entire season by that Anderson fellow and ended up getting romped by the Broncos in the Super Bowl. Every single NFL fan on the planet oustide of Atlanta wanted to see the Broncos up against the high-powered Vikings that year, who had finished with a 15-1 record and one of the most explosive offensives in the history of the league. I'm sure that Super Bowl match-up would have been a classic -- like the BCS Championship game between UT and USC.

This year, I honestly would be 1,000 times more excited if it were a Super Bowl with the Colts and Seahawks than the Hawks and Steelers. Pitt might be playing the best ball in the NFL right now, but they were NOT even good enough to win their own division and they got lucky because of the Carson Palmer injury on the first play of the game. Wild Card teams are a joke and shouldn't be allowed to be in the playoffs because they LOST their own division. How the fuck can a team not even be their own division champs and ever be considered Super Bowl champs? It's like when a team loses their Conference in football but still make it into the BCS title games. I don't know why it's never been done, but it should be a requirement to win your own coference to be considered as for the BCS Championship -- this would've fixed the year Miami played Nebraska instead of either Oregon or Colorado. Also, a lot of the big Super Bowl blow-outs have happened in the past due to teams making it there that really should never have been. This year might be different, so we'll see.

And, uhh, the shit gets kind of muddled during years where the best teams in each conference are all lumped up at 11-5 or 12-4 and there's not a clearly dominant team. But, that just means that we need a "Playoff if necessary" type of setup that molds and changes for each season. This would work for the NCAA and I'm thinking that I should be given the power to determine if the playoff is needed and who needs to be in the playoff. It would solve ALL of the world's problems, at least as far as football is concerned. Fuck anyone that doesn't agree.

The bottom line is that the ONLY way to find the clear cut best overall team in the game would be to have EVERY team play EVERY other team twice (home & away) and then annoint the team with the best record the ruler of all mankind. If there were ties up top, then have some sort of double elimination playoffs that require victories both at home and on the road in order to "beat" an opponent. Again, I will decide all this shit on the fly and my mind will surely change and everyone will have to deal with it or meet their execution.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

I wish she'd blow me.

The Raven Riley --
It's because of young women like the seductively cute Raven Riley that I simply adore the Internet so much. If not for this medium that is used to deliver porn to us with the utmost secrecy, it'd be so much harder for girls like this to make money by showing us perverts nude pics of themselves. I love it and that's why she's getting my props as Babe of the Week.

Sgt Slacker --
I've actually had a lot that I've wanted to write about over the course of the past week, but never got around to actually doing it. The biggest reason is that I've been geting sick a LOT lately thanks to the lovely Bay Area whether that goes from hot to cold and back to hot almost on a day-to-day basis it seems plus the fact that I'm a fat ass now thanks to my horrible November and December with my dieting. At least I'm back on track now for the most part, but I feel like such a fat disgusting mother fucker that it's not even funny. It's no wonder that I've been getting sick so much the past month and a half.

Manning/Dungy vs Brady/Belichick --
I kind of feel bad for Manning and Dungy because history will look at them as a QB and a head coach that could never win the big games. Some of it might be deserved, as Manning's had some poor playoff performances and Dungy's teams have been out-coached in a few as well, but if you really look at the games and not just the outcomes you'll see that so much goes into whether or not a team wins and too much blame and credit is put on the QB's and head coach's heads.

For one, take this weekend's game with the Steelers. It had a lot in common with the Oakland Raiders Divisional Playoff game that Brady and Belichick won four years ago in the snow. Brady had a bad first-half, Manning had a bad first-half. Brady improved in the 2nd half to finish regulation with medicore stats of 24-44-267 with no TDs and 1 INT. Manning impoved in the 2nd half to finish regulation to finish with stats of 22-38-290 with 1 TD and 0 INTs, which were better than Brady's. Both QB's were benefited by a controversial call -- the "tuck" rule for Brady and that overturned INT for Manning. Both QB's lead their teams on very short drives to setup long FG's that could potentially tie the game at the end of regulation -- Brady led a 26 yard drive to setup a 45 yard FG and Manning led a 15 yard drive to setup a 46 yard FG. So, comparitively speaking, both QB's had nearly identical performances with Manning actually having a higher completion %, better yards per attempt, and a TD with no INTs versus Brady with no TDs and 1 INT.

What was the difference? Well, Tom's boy Adam made his FG while Peyton's boy Mike missed his FG. What's worse is that that Pats' kick was in blizzard while the Colts' kick was in a Dome. If New England would have missed that FG, you never know if they would've went on to the success they had. There would still be some debate with who to start, Bledsoe or Brady, because Brady wouldn't have been the Super Bowl MVP and lock to remain the starter. Plus, Belichick would've still had the label of being a coach that couldn't win the big games.

What's more, does anyone really remember how last year's game with the Patriots and Colts ended? Manning threw what was potentially a game winning TD pass late in the game that was in the receivers hands but was dropped. If the receiver catches it, they beat the Patriots and potentially make it all the way to the Super Bowl. Is Manning a "loser" because his receiver dropped the potentially game winning TD pass and his kicker missed the potentially game tying FG? I think common sense would say "no" to that, but history and the idiot journalists generally doesn't have any common sense.

All that said, I despise Peyton and the NFL's "royal family" and hope neither Peyton nor Eli ever even get a chance to play in the Super Bowl. Just cut the dude a break because regardless of what all the idiots think, great teams win Super Bowls and not great QB's. Sure, it might take a good or even great QB to make the "team" great, but it takes everyone to win. If you put Brady on the New Orleans Saints this year, they STILL would've missed the playoffs. Hell, put him on his own team with all the players injured and he was a .500 quaterback. If he's all they need, then why would the damn injuries even matter?

Thursday, January 12, 2006

"Dear Dave" --
The shit was so backed up that I had to eat a box of Fiber One to clean out my system. But everything's been cleared out and I've picked through the feces to find stuff to post up in a near "Dear Dave" update. Yep, it's the first one since November '05, so there's a lot of old ass shit in it. Nevertheless, some still and will always be on-topic, so you ought to give it a read through.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

I love water.

Going back to Brazil --
I honestly had no clue where she was from but I saw this chick on the cover of a magazine that Abe was looking at while we were perusing Waldenbooks and I just new I had to give her a feature as my Babe of the Week. Well, it turns out that her name's Ana Carolina, she's someone that was suggested in a previous "Dear Dave" and she's from the place where all my dream girls seem to come from, Brazil.

I had a good day! --
Yeah, it's just been so bad these past three weeks that the fact that I had a really good day yesterday with the weight shit that I figured it was worth sharing. I followed it up with a fantastic cardio workout this morning and a perfect day so far with the food intake. Let me keep this shit up for three weeks and I think I'll be set for the subsequent nine.

Oh, by the way, I love the fact that the hotties, who weren't as plentiful during November and December, have made their way back into the gym to help give me motivation. There were at least six notch-worthy lovely ladies working out when I was doing my shit at the gym at 6:30 AM in the morning. I guess I should be thanking the person who came up with the idea of having a new year's resolution because a lot must have been getting back into the gym for these fine honeys.

Monday, January 9, 2006

Visual Concept's Biggest Loser --
I love Lynell. He was one of the guys that helped a lot in the beginning, along with Brandon, and now he's helping again thanks to the great idea he came up with for people here at work -- a weight loss competition. Everyone's putting in $50 into a pot and winners will be paid based on who does the best after a 3-month period. Of course, it's not going to be based solely on weight lost, as guys like me would have an unfair advantage over those that are merely 20 lbs overweight, but the fact that more than 20 people are entering and that there's prize money at stake should give me the motivation that I've honestly been lacking ever since I dropped that first 145 lbs after the first 9 months I started this crap. Since then I've pretty much been in a rut and have slowly been putting weight back on over time and weighed in today at a extremely gross 285.0 lbs and 30.5% body fat. If this shit don't work, I'm going to just try to get over 400 lbs and then keep going up until my heart quits.

Sunday, January 8, 2006

Who doesn't? --
Just an FYI, I love Jordanna and Elle!

Boobs to rest your wrist on --
Considering just how much damage I do to my wrists in the name of boobies, I guess it's poetic justice that I've now got a mouse pad, thanks to Mr. Anthony Chau, where some plump breastessess are used to help save my wrists from long term damage. I just gotta give props to Mr. Chau for giving me this pimp Dead or Alive mouse pad because I swear I giggle everytime I use my mouse at work now. There's just something so very strange, yet so very perfect about it.

Monday, January 2, 2006

Def worth a bone..

The "DVD on TV" hottie --
I just saw her for the first time just about a week ago, but that was all it took for me to know that I needed to name Jennifer Lothrop my Babe of the Week. She's the host of "DVD on TV" on F/X and despite being almost as old as my ancient ass she's quite a bone-worthy blonde.

Happy New Years --
I had a really amazing New Year's Eve even though it was much more subdued that in year's past. Instead of hitting up some expensive club or bar I just went over to Sam Bishop's place and drank shit loads of vodka cranberry and some super expensive wine while playing Guitar Hero on PlayStation 2. I don't see enough of my old roommie and it was great to spend NYE with him and I had so much fun and got so fucking tanked. Subsequently, the first day of the new year was spent with a hangover from the moment I woke up until I went to sleep, although some booty-getting in the evening helped start off my '06 right.

'05 & the Canes --
I had plans on writing about how much '05 sucked for me -- put on 10 lbs after having lost weight during each of the previous three calendar years among numerous other things -- and how I was so embarassed to be a Hurricanes fan after the 40-3 pounding they got against LSU, but that shit's all in the past now. My focus is on making '06 a year to remember and to just hope the Hurricanes can start getting better again.

Hopefully the firing of the four coaches helps things out, though I'll be pissed if Hester leaves because it'll be yet another Hurricane leaving early when he really would be better served staying one more year. The tough thing for the Hurricanes is that they always have guys leaving early BEFORE they really break out as college stars. It's sad, but they know the fact that they're a 'Cane that they'll get drafted higher than they should be regardless, so why wait. I pretty much hate, but whatever.

Oh, by the way, not all is bad for the "U". We had three UM running backs finish in the top 10 in rushing with Portis and James at #4 and #5 with more than 1500 yards each and McGahee at #10. Portis' third 1500 yard season in four years and James' fourth in seven years. Plus, Portis broke the Redskins' single-season record for most rushing yards and Santana Moss broke the team's single-season record for receiving yards while finishing second in the league in that category. Sean Taylor also managed to get a INT return for a touchdown yesterday, so all the Washington Hurricanes seemed to have been motivated by the rout their alma mater got a few days prior.