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Who's Dave Z?
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"Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values." - Ayn Rand |
Not all old people suck -- More often than not, I get the old people that take 15 minutes to get the 385 pennies out of their purse one by one to pay for their purchase or the ones that go through some bullshit where they first ask for the fastest delivery, are shocked by how much it costs, then ask for the next fastest, to only once again be shocked about how much it costs. This goes on until they get to the cheapest and slowest delivery method and settle with it even though they're still blown away by how much more expensive things are today than when they were a kid. I was so sure that I'd be in line for 45 minutes to an hour with six in line, so I'm extremely pleased to find out that not all oldies suck ass. Of course, I'm sure I'll get screwed over by some 90 year old bitch driving 25 MPH in the fast lane on the way home, but we'll ignore that for the time being. Since the old dudes have made me pretty happy, I've gone ahead and put together a quick update to "Dear Dave". Today's topics include my car plans, my tax money, my current weight situation, Tila, naked Vida Guerra, coming to Cali, and other random things. If you don't like what's being talked about, don't blame me. Send me something more interesting if you got a problem.
Very cute...and
deadly -- Biggest news
ever! -- The first because it's quite simply one of the best cartoons around. The second because...I'm not sure why, it just seemed like it'd be to my liking. And the third...well, someone told me it was worth watching and would be right up my alley. By the way, I didn't notice that the first season of GI Joe actually came out or else I would have picked it up. Maybe next week.
Feeling ill and all
-- Death and taxes --
Tongue gymnastics
-- And guess what? I actually learned something new about myself. First off, as pictured in Figure 1 below, I've always known that I'm able to curl my tongue. And as seen in Figure 2, I can obviously roll my tongue over to the right. However, what I learned is that I cannot roll my tongue in the opposite direction of what's shown in Figure 2. Very, very odd.
Now one of my big goals in life is to train myself to be able to do it. I'm sure it'll be a difficult task and may not even be possible, but I think I'm game. The way I see it, the more control I have over my tongue, the better my cunnilingus skills will be. And that's something that is extremely important when it comes to making me a better overall human being.
Hair cut and some new jeans --
Doing it doggie style -- Another fine DVD Tuesday --
A cute little
thing -- Killing time
in the city -- After checking out all the tech goodness, we pretty much just walked around the area a bit and stopped by Virgin, the SF Mall and Old Navy. Not much of note in any of the places, but I did get to see some nice tail here and there. It wasn't all that exciting, but it honestly beat the shit out of sitting on the couch all day watching all of the Newlyweds episodes on MTV for the third time in the past two days. Playboy back
issues on eBay --
New DVDs and the Super Bowl -- As for today's football games, I'm disappointed with the Patriots winning, but am glad that the Panthers came through with a victory over Philly. In the Super Bowl, I'll go with that classic prediction that wishy washy fucks like me tend to give -- "I think that the Patriots are going to win, but I'm cheering for the Panthers." The reason I'm rooting for the Panthers is that they're underdogs and the University of Miami's Dan Morgan is their starting inside linebacker. Let's go 'Canes! FYI, my pre-season Super Bowl prediction was the Patriots vs. Panthers. It's hard to believe, I'm sure, but that's what I had forseen. Okay, I'm not exactly telling the truth here. My real pre-season prediction was actually Colts vs. Eagles. Going into this weekend, I thought I had a pretty good shot of being right. As it turns out, I was completely wrong. Go figure. I'm not the genius that I think I am.
My new dream car! -- Okay, so it's not really my dream car and I'm sure that the owner of this car, as a co-worker so eloquently put it, "has never seen a vagina up close in his life." But I figured most of you would be able to get a good laugh out of it and others might even come away a little impressed and even a bit jealous.
The star of
American Wedding -- Zoom Zoom -- Sure, it already has 210,000 miles on it, the damn thing overheats every day on the drive home, it burns through a quart of oil a month, and I have to keep the steering wheel turned at a 30 degree angle to drive straight, but there's a good chance that I can get another 40K-90K out of it. Plus, I really like having a shit load of money just sitting there in my savings account. It's a nice golden parachute to have around in case anything shitty happens in my life.
A large helping of "Dear Dave" --
More of my soiled goods -- My big dilemma
-- The only drawback to getting one of those cars is that it'll mean that I'll have to continue living life without many of the things that I've given up in order to save up this money for the down payment -- such as going out and having fun at bars with friends on the weekends, paying the tiny little Asian girls at the massage parlor for extra favors, and tipping the cutie at Starbucks a $20 wrapped around my business card every day with the hope that she'll someday give me a ring. If I decide that this is not the way for me to go, my next option is to get something out of my second tier wish list such as the new Mazda 3, or something like a 2004 Civic, Altima, Corolla, Focus, Lancer or Elantra. The good thing about this idea is that I could probably have the car completely paid off within two years if I wanted to avoid those kinds of things mentioned above. Or I could take four or five years to pay it off and have a whole lot of extra money to either save up, buy whores, or burn to keep warm. It could also mean being able to save up to buy the new Infinity GTR when it's finally released here in a year or two. My third option is to just go for something used from the mid-'90s and just pay for the whole thing in cash. The downside is that it'll mean dealing with repairs and having yet another used and potentially problematic car. The plus to going this route is that I'll be able to handle both putting away money into my golden parachute fund and start living a little in my non-work life that's pretty non-existent right now. Option four is to just say fuck it and run this '89 Honda Accord and its 210,000 miles until it completely falls apart and leave it where it dies. Sure it overheats every single day I drive home from work, but it's possible that it could make it through the summer without completely blowing up. Just don't know if I wanna deal with the mess of it all. My mind's been fucked! -- Oh yeah, it didn't hurt that the movie had lots of boobies and a hot lesbian sex scene between the beautiful Naomi Watts and Laura Harring. Although, I gotta admit that the nudity and sex weren't really the driving point for me liking the film (it's hard to type that...). I may have to check out his past and future films now. Anyway, Mulholland Drive is one of several new DVD movies that I picked up on the cheap over the past few days -- also got Two Girls And A Guy, Family Guy Vol. 2, and a couple of others that I can't recall at the moment. Some new games have also been added to my NES and Genesis collections. You can figure out what if you're interested -- I'm guessing you're not. The Surreal Life -- Bored yet? Well, I am. So, it's off to bed for me. Good night!
Back to the Future...
--
Even more DVDs --
A few more DVDs --
The face of
DirecTV -- Got the babes,
now onto the letters -- Split-championship
and stuff -- For instance, it would have been a complete waste last year. Miami and Ohio State were the lone unbeatens. After beating Miami in the bowl, why should Ohio State have to play one more game to actually get the National Championship? It just wouldn't be really all that fair. The same can be said about the previous years, as well. Miami was completely deserving the year before last and OU was completely deserving before that -- the only problem those two years was that the teams that each played were probably wrong. The only reason this "one game post-bowl playoff" solution works this year is because there were three significant one-loss teams and many believe that the wrong one of the three was left out of the championship game. But, I digress. My two cents on the whole thing is that we should either go to a full 16-team tournament or just keep the current bowl system with futher tweaks every single year. Simply making the human polls more powerful would have fixed all of the issues that have been had so far -- such as FSU playing OU instead of Miami when the 'Canes won head-to-head, Nebraska playing Miami instead of Colorado or Oregon, and USC getting the shaft in this year's mess. The cool thing about the bowls is that it increases the chance of your team ending up a winner every year. While it sucked not getting to play for the National Championship, it was nice to see Miami come out on top against the Seminoles in the Orange Bowl. Sure, I would've loved it much more had it been another opponent (Ohio State, for instance), but it was pretty damn sweet nonetheless. Also, why in the hell is it so damn important to crown a single, clear-cut National Champion? Plus, it's not like a playoff is without flaws. You still have to decide who gets to play in it and there'll always be issues with that. Just look at the NFL. Miami didn't make the playoffs, yet beat the Baltimore Ravens and crushed the Dallas Cowboys in head-to-head games. If the NFL used a college poll system, Miami would've been ranked higher. The only reason they didn't make it into the playoffs and those two teams did was because Baltimore happened to win a shitty division (2nd best team was only .500) and Dallas played in a conference with less depth. The only thing that you can argue -- and it's actually my belief -- is that if you're "on the bubble" for the playoffs with a large number of teams, then tough luck, you should've done better.
Didn't even make it to midnight... -- I sat down and talked to someone, Brandon kept bringing me water and trying to get me to eat some food. The next thing I remember is lying down on the extremely cold and soaking wet porch right in front of my apartment, freezing my ass off. I wasn't about to get up and move, so I decided to make about 100 phone calls on my cell phone -- didn't really know who I was calling and I don't remember anything I said, but my call log shows about 50 calls deep from 12:12AM to 12:59AM. Also, at some point while making these calls one of my downstairs neighbors must have came home because I remember talking to someone that was looking down at me. Again, don't know what was said. Completely blacked out again. I have no clue as to how I made it inside the building or up the three flights of stairs, but my very next memory is waking up at 7AM in the morning, lying comfortably in my bed in my underwear. Felt like complete crap, so I stayed in bed, sleeping on and off, until about 2PM. Luckily, I somehow didn't lose my wallet, cell phone or any cash, and didn't wake up with my asshole hurting and my mouth tasting like shit (don't ask me why or how, but that's happened before). And despite the fact that I'm still feeling a bit hung-over a full day later, I'm willing to call this a pretty damn good New Year's Eve. After the fact, Brandon told me that him and about five other guys had to help carry me out of the club because they were threatening to throw me out and have me arrested at around 10:30PM (I vaguely remember someone repeating my home address two or three times, so I'm guessing that was to the cabbie). Also, Mr. Anthony Chau said that I left him a couple of messages telling him that I was dying and that if he didn't help me that he would have to live with being responsible for my death (at E3, I left him a message one night after partying saying that I was lost and in Compton). Of course, I don't remember any of this. It could all be lies. I might have just stayed home in bed all night and just dreamt all this shit. Anthony and Brandon just might have learned about my dream somehow and are just fucking with me. Damn them commies! Simply, "Dear Dave" -- Fattest/Fittest cities in America -- What's really interesting about this list is that when I took my vacation a few months back to visit my parents on the east coast, both myself and my brother were equally shocked about how many more obese mother fuckers we noticed out there -- both in Delaware and in Philly (#4 fattest) and Baltimore (#20 fattest). Around here, even after losing all the weight that I have managed to drop, I'm still generally the fattest person in whatever area I'm in, whether it be at a club, at the mall, or just walking the streets of the city. Out there, I noticed numerous people that were much bigger than me and it was actually a bit shocking to see. I guess these rankings suggest that what I noticed wasn't just an abberation.
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