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"If you want to have sex with me you have to put the bag over your head so I can't see your face."

- Christian Troy, Nip/Tuck

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Merry Belated Christmas --
Okay, so I had the ever so daunting task of getting Christmas cards for around 20 or so of my lady friends and I was just dreading the thought of having to write something special for each one of them. After some stressing out while thinking about how best to handle this, the proverbial light bulb popped up over my big noggin and I thought of the perfect Christmas card idea that would be very personal, very me, and very funny -- a customized card with a picture of me wearing a Santa hat while standing in front of my Christmas tree while posing with a blow-up doll. It was pure genius in my mind.

I, of course, had to go out and get both the Santa hats and the blow-up doll but the tree was already taken care of thanks to my amazing roommates. It was too late for me to order the blow-up doll online, so I was stuck having to walk in some sex shop and purchase one. I found one somewhere on Market St in San Francisco and while I was checking out the selection, this black sales lady came up and asked if I needed help finding something. I said I was looking for a cheap blow-up doll, for which she replied, "I'm sorry honey, but we don't sell and cheap ones here, we only carry high quality shit." Knowing what I was getting it for made me laugh, but I decided to respond with, "well, as long as it has three holes that I'm able to do with as I please and she don't expect me to talk about my feelings afterwards, it'll be cool by me." She chuckled and showed me the selection and then I picked one out that I liked.

Anyway, I put on the hats and some handcuffs and Michelle and Dave T played photographer and snapped about 100 or so photos of me in all different kinds of poses with my "Briana Banks" blow-up doll and I picked out like 7 that I used for my 28 Christmas cards. The cards turned out great and the responses from the girls has even been better than expected as at least five have told me that it was the best Christmas card ever. Well, here's a taste of what the photos on the cards looked like... Oh, and before I forget again, Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Viva la Brazil.

Deja vu --
I'm thinking of doing an Italy trip in the fall, but an '07 vacation to Brazil when I'm all buff and even more irresistible than I am now is undoubtedly in the works. It's gotta be the greatest place on the planet for gathering deposits for one's Spank Bank™ as the likes of Alessandra, Adriana, Izabel and Ana Beatriz Barros clearly demonstrate. The first three are past winners of my prestigious Babe of the Week honor, while the lovely Ana is my newest Brazilian bombshell to get featured here. So, let me go ahead and say it again, I love Brazil.

Done with Christmas --
Well, I'm finished up with all of my Christmas shopping and have sent out all of my Christmas cards, at least. I didn't really do anything all that special for anyone, but I did put together a rather funny Christmas card that I'll probably share with you after Christmas so it doesn't spoil it for anyone that will be receiving it. Likewise, there will be a funny little video that I made that kind of goes along with it that will make an appearance on the site next week, as well. Stay tuned if you're someone that welcomes a good laugh every now and then. If you're not, then just stick with the Babe stuff and spank till your penis falls off.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

My girls in Super Street --
I know I've been slacking, but you can breathe easier now that I've finally gotten around to scanning the pictures of my girl's Elle and Brittany from the January 2006 issue of Super Street magazine. They had a combined four photos that found their way into the magazine and you can check them out by clicking on the thumbnails below. I apologize for the scan quality but there was really not much I could do because of the small size of a few of the pictures. Nevertheless, the girls look like their hot selves, you should pick up a copy of the magazine and then go out and buy some Nos energy drinks.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I love Brazil.

Brazil rules --
I'm starting to think that Brazil has got to be the greatest place on the planet. They've already given me Alessandra Ambrosio and Adriana Lima, and now I find myself pleasuring my manbits to the stunning Izabel Goulart. Izzy, as I've been calling her in my fantasies, also happens to be a Victoria's Secret model and now a Babe of the Week. So the real question is, then why haven't I moved to Brazil yet?

Chrono Cross clock --
The first winning bidder for it turned out to be a complete waste of my time as he never bothered to pay or even reply to any of my mails, so I've decided to put that bitch back up one last time. If you're interested, then go and bid away on my eBay auction for my Chrono Cross collectible clock that ends on Thursday. Good luck and happy bidding!

Oh, and I also have an auction up for my Atari 7800 Pro system with 73 games that ends today at around 3PM pst. It's been tested and works perfectly, so if you're looking for some real old school shit it's worth taking a look at. I personally don't think the games have stood the test of time in the gameplay department, but it's still a piece of history that might be worth owning for you.

Thursday, December 8, 2005

Brandon's Xbox 360 on eBay --
Okay, so I've decided to help out my boy, Sir Brandon Justice, with selling his Xbox 360 Premium System on eBay. This is acutally the 3rd time I've had to post this auction because the first two were won buy idiots who had no intention of ever paying for it and never responded to any emails. Seriously, wtf? I guess someone apparently hacked one of the accounts and did the same thing on multiple auctions. What the hell could they get out of it other than pissing me off? I just don't know. Anyway, if you're hard up for an Xbox 360 that you must have before Christmas and are willing to pay more than $800 for it, then go ahead and bid away on our auction for Brandon's new-in-box Xbox 360 Premium System with FedEx overnight delivery.

Wednesday, December 7, 2005

My best friend Elle is in Super Street magazine! --
Her name's Elle Burdi, she's one of my best friends, she's drop-dead gorgeous, she's a former Babe of the Week, and now she's got a few photos in the January 2006 issue of Super Street magazine. Both her and her friend Britt, who's my future wife and will eventually also be a BotW, have done a bunch of car shows for Nos energy drinks and about four of their pics made it into this issue that you can find on newsstands nationwide right now. I picked up copies for myself at Tower Records over in Larkspur. I'm so happy for both Elle and Britt and am hoping it's only the start. If I get my way, they'll both be booth babes at E3 in May '06.

Square peg, round hole --
It might just be because I'm anal about symmetry and what not, but I just can't stand it when all the weights are in the wrong spots on those weight trees at the gym. Seriously, what the hell is so hard about putting the right weight on the right peg? It just annoys me that people are either too lazy or too stupid to get this shit right. Lazy is no excuse because you're at a freaking gym working out so what the hell are you worrying about taking one step to the left or right to put the weight on the correct peg? If it's stupidity, that annoys me just because I hate stupid people.

I bring this up because it's just been pissing me off at the gym these past few days. I was doing squats and needed a pair of 25-lbs plates, but instead of just being able to slide them off the peg, I first had to remove the two 35-lbs plates that were blocking them in. Seriously, who the fuck thought it was a good idea to put these there when it was clear that they belonged on the other side with the other 35-lbs plates? Did they not notice that they were different sizes? Did they not realize that people would have to take these off to get to the 25s? I just don't get it. I, swear, whoever does this must be one of those kids that kept trying to put the square peg in the round hole even though it wouldn't fit.

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show --
Oh, my, God. I have made it my new mission in life to bone a Victoria's Secret model before I die. My first two choices would be Alessandra Ambrosio and Adriana Lima, but any of them Goddesses would honestly do. I think if I dedicate my life to this mission then it's bound to happen, don't you agree? Seriously, if either Alessandra or Adriana allowed me the honor of boning them, I would do it until my dick fell off. And, then, I would duct tape that bitch back on and keep going at it. Amazing.

Monday, December 5, 2005

Teddy Bruschi is God --
I think he's a class act and would love a guy like him on the Dolphins, but the coverage he got from ESPN when he first came back was crazy. I know it's a month late but I meant to put it up but just kept forgetting. Regardless, you really you should check out this extremely funny audio file that was put together to mock ESPN's coverage of his comeback that pretty much granted him sainthood or some shit. If you watched any of the station's coverage of the comeback, you'll definitely get a kick out of it.

Saturday, December 3, 2005

Free Xbox 360 --
It might've taken several months, but this shit worked for getting me my 20 gig Apple iPod, so I figured I'd give it a go for an Xbox 360. Considering it's going to take 10 referrals instead of 5, I'm guessing I'll be waiting on this thing for 4 to 6 months. The chances are that I'd probably go out and buy one by then. Regardless, I'm going to give it a go and am hoping you guys can help me out by signing up through my personal referral link for a free Xbox 360.

Friday, December 2, 2005

The eBay impact --
Yeah, so I finally get around to updating my software lists for PS2, PSX, Xbox, GameCube, Saturn and Dreamcast to represent the 250-plus games that I've parted ways with over the course of the past month during my eBay fire sale. It still saddens me, but it was something that had to be done to help compensate for my drug and prostitute addictions.

However, it's not all bad as my PS2 library got a new baby as my boy Abe at work bought me Dragon Quest VIII for Christmas. It's my #1 most wanted game of 2005 and I've been itching to buy it but haven't had the available funds, so it was a very welcome Christmas gift. I might start playing it this weekend or just wait until Christmas so I have some extra days off and more free time to play it.