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Who's Dave Z?
Music
PSX2.com
"You know... you're like the A-bomb. Everybody''s laughing, having a good time, then you show up... 'boom' everything's dead." - Master Shake |
Merry Christmas!!! --
Couldn't hold a conversation
to save my life -- Got well past the "pick up" lines with numerous fine young ladies, but all I could muster up was the following -- "where are you from?" "what do you do?" "what are you studying?" "how long have you two been friends?" Seriously, what the fuck? Can I get anymore boring than that? You just know it's bad when you're boring yourself with the topics you're trying to start. Next time it gets this bad, I'm just going to start grabbing asses and yelling, "fuck me, bitch!", because at the very least, I won't bore myself to death.
Women read this crap? -- When I first started updating this site for real -- not talking about when I posted the world exclusive, first-ever photograph of Britney Spears completely nude -- I didn't really expect anyone to read anything I wrote. I just assumed people would get their porn and run. However, I soon found out that a lot of people actually read the crap I type and find out humorous. This fact has led to some rather awkward moments where I've randomly met "readers" on the streets of San Francisco or Los Angeles. And it's not awkward because the people are weird, because they've all been fairly normal, but weird because I don't know anything about them and they know things about me that you wouldn't normally know about your closest of friends, such as their masturbatory habits. What's even stranger is that knowing my habits, these people have no qualms about shaking my hands. This means that either, a) It never crossed their mind that I might have rubbed one out right before bumping into them, b) It DID cross their minds and they're fascinated by the chance to get some of my spunk residue on their hands, or c) They assume (rightfully so) that I believe in good hygiene and wash up after doing the dirty deed. All of this really wasn't all that hard to overcome. Sure, guys read this site and there's a chance I might bump into some of them in the real world. Chill enough. But then I came to a realization that people I actually know -- friends, family and co-workers -- read my site. This just freaked me out at first. With my dad, it was a big annoyance because he didn't get my self-deprecating humor and was constantly calling me an alcoholic. What he doesn't realize is that I'm really a cocky and extremely arrogant bastard who honestly believes that he's superior to 99.9% of the people that walk this planet. It's just funny to joke about yourself and I love making people laugh, even if it comes at my expense. Jokes have gotten me out of a lot of tough moments and apparently the joking and self-deprecating humor on my site has actually gotten several frequenters of this site to not kill themselves. I'd say that I'm serving a good purpose and if making fun of my fat ass or my ineptitude with the ladies can make people feel better about themselves, then why stop me? Luckily, he's promised to stop reading the site (or at least stop emailing me about his complaints). With my friends and co-workers, it was always strange because I talk about things openly here that are pretty sick. And with some of them, they know more about me because of the website than any one-on-one conversations that we've had. Maybe this means I got to be a little more social at work or something? The good thing about this is that I can use this site to get messages to people that I don't want to say to their face. For instance, I think that Anthony Chau is a no-good, stinky-food eating, big-headed, lunch snob that's so lame that he'd rather spend his weekends with his mom than partying with me. Oh, wait, I do tell that to him face-to-face. Never mind, then! The next big realization was that many of the Babe of the Week would actually read my site and what I've written about them. This really scared me a little at first and made me reluctant to make lewd comments about the women I would put up afterwards, fearing that they might actually read it and get mad. But then it hit me that these models emailing me would all say how much they loved reading my site and thought that I was hilarious. And this was despite comments like, "It's worth noting that her booking sheet says "nudity acceptable" and includes "fetish" as one of things she'll do. I'm wondering if sucking off a fat guy is included under "fetish"." I guess if I can write that about a girl and she'll laugh, that I shouldn't ever worry about offending anyone with what I write. And it also means that there are a lot of really cool models out there that aren't stuck up and snobby. My most recent realization has been that actual normal, every day women read this site and find it funny. I've gotten mail from some as young as 16 to others in their 40s. Because of all the previous "hurdles" I've encountered, this one hasn't really changed the way I do things on the site. I've come to the conclusion that I just need to keep being myself and people will either like me or not like me. If they don't, then they should stop coming here. I've also realized that I need to open up more and start being myself, the real me, in the real world a little more. I had so much fun in the Marina last weekend because I was making dirty jokes all night and it didn't matter whether they worked or not because they made ME laugh. Anyway, the point of all this is simple. If you're a good-looking girl and want to have sex with me, don't be shy and let me know right now! If you're supermodel hot, I'll even fly out to nail you if you're not local to me. Okay, I've amused myself enough for the morning. It's time to get off the toilet seat (gonna get 'rhoids this way) and jump in the shower to get ready for work. Though, I think I'm just going to show up, surf the 'net and then leave. Damn it, hope the higher-ups don't read this...
Dayom! --
Introducing Melissa Decker
-- I gotta say, that wasn't a good idea. Not only are most of the photos definitely not work friendly, but they were smokin' hot and were getting me aroused like you couldn't believe. I had to sit around for an hour or so with an erection that I couldn't beat out and looking at photos of Janet Reno didn't seem to help at all because my mental images of Melissa's amazing body kept popping into my head. It was a bad scene. Luckily, the office was pretty empty today because of the impending holiday, so I wasn't even bothered or asked to get up while in the erect state. Suffice it to say, I pleasured myself often as soon as I got into the friendly confines of my bedroom. I didn't wait to kick off my shoes, I just unzipped and whacked away. This girl inspired me that much! A big DVD Tuesday -- I've seen all of them with the exception of Napoleon Dynamite and picked that one up because I've heard raved reviews from very reliable movie sources about it. If it's as good as advertised, there are some Napoleon Dynamite t-shirts I might just have to pick up because they look cool.
All out of Livestrong Wristbands --
In all, I think I gave away nearly 200 of those yellow bands.
Just think...they were going for $10 a pop on eBay at one point while I had them
just sitting in a box gathering dust. I could've made $2K off of these things but
I instead gave them away. I guess I just couldn't live with myself if I tried
making money off of some good charity. Anyway, I'm all out, so if you haven't requested
one yet, then you're too late. Sorry!
A fantastic end to the party
weekend -- The pick-up lines of the night were "Would you ever felate a fat man?" and "If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?" As you can imagine, the responses to these were varied and often quite humorous. And I honestly couldn't help but laugh at my own joke when I followed up a "No" to the first question above with a "Would it make a difference if he was hung like a horse and had a six figure income?" As if the good rolls in the Marina weren't enough to make the night a blast, that wasn't even the end of the fun times. We headed back to Trevor's house with some company and played a little more Donkey Konga. However, unlike the previous night where I sucked salty donkey nuts at it, I was able to pass a bunch of the high level songs. Then from there, I left and headed on over to 1015 to meet up with David Toole and Michelle to check out DJ Markus Schulz. He was awesome. It might be because the crowd was less annoying (still quite packed), but I actually enjoyed his set more than Tiesto's this past Wednesday night. It was a great night that didn't see me get to bed until nearly 5AM this Sunday morning. By the way, here are links to all of the photos I've taken over the past few weeks. There aren't all that many Spank Bank™ worthy shots, so that's why I've been lagging on putting a lot of them up. DJ
Markus Schulz @ Ten15 (12/18/04)
As cool as Hooters was, the game was just that bad, however. It was some of the worst football I've seen live. In fact, the best football of the day was at halftime between the pop warner teams that were playing on the field. It was so bad that we left before the start of the 4th quarter. It was then that things really picked up for us, as we blew a tire on the way back to the office where we were all parked. Even though this would seem like a horrible thing, it actually provided plenty of laughs and was a good end to a very fun and exhausting day of drinking beer, checking out titties and watch football. The only thing we didn't do was go hunt for our dinner.
The night started at this birthday party at Roe for this stunner named Corrine (photo'd to the right), but it wasn't until we hit this random bar later in the night where things really took off, as I finished the night with three consecutive successes that ended with me putting new digits in my phone. Nobody of which that I'd really call again, but that's not the point! It's all about playing the game.
A whole lot of sausage -- We eventually gave up and just headed back to his place to play some Donkey Konga on his projector. It's a cool fucking game, but not one that I can play when I'm drunk. I kept getting confused and would clap when I was supposed to hit both drums and hit the drums when I was supposed to clap. I was only able to pass level 1 songs and nothing higher. Oh, well, I'm hoping things will be better tonight, as the plan is to hit Roe and if that doesn't work out then head back out to the Marina where it was unbelievable at the Matrix just a few weeks ago. Regardless of where we end up, I'm thinking I need to bust out my amazing dancing skills to impress the ladies. I might be over 100 lbs lighter right now than I was back then, but I only lost weight, not my raw animilistic sex appeal.
Some rules to follow when
going to clubs -- 1) PLEASE use some deodorant, an anti-perspirant even. I know it's San Francisco and you might've been brought up to think that this kind of stuff is the devil, but I do not need to smell your horrific B.O. all night. You know you're going to be dancing and sweating, so put some on and put a LOT on. It's fucking nasty. 2). Do NOT FART next to me. I know Eminem says to just let one rip because no one'll know and it's true that there's no way to tell who farted in a crowd of people, but again, that's just fucking gross. Someone let one rip tonight that was so bad that my eyes were tearing up and I felt the need to vomit. If you feel the gas coming on, go to the bathroom or outside to the smoking area. Also, if you know you're going to hit a club at night, watch what you eat during the day. Don't eat shit loads of food that you know will give you gas. Seriously, it's disgusting and ruins everyone's experience around you. 3) Know your space when you're dancing. If you're in a packed club where everyone is jammed together shoulder-to-shoulder, don't dance where you're hopping 3 feet to each side with your arms flailing around. Doing that's fine if you have the room, but when you don't, you shouldn't dance that way. And it's no excuse if it's the only way you know how to dance. It's just disrespectful and it can get your ass kicked if you accidentally elbow the wrong person. 4) This is related to 3 because it seems these people do it the most, but DON'T DO COKE! The coke heads seem to congregate at Ruby Skye and they seem to be the ones that flail their arms around and hit people around them the most. So, don't do coke if you're going to go dancing. 5) Don't grab and squeeze my ass. I'd probably be cool with it if you're some hot girl, but at Ruby Skye it seems like only the guys and the trannies do this to me. I know I dress well and am a sexy beast, but I'm not their to be your sex toy. At least buy me a drink first. 6) Don't SHOVE me if you're trying to walk by and it's crowded. A simple tap on the shoulder and an excuse me will get me to stop dancing and slide over as much as I can. It's common fucking courtesy and if you do it to the wrong person, it can get your ass kicked. 7) Don't slide in front of me and start grinding your ass against my crotch if you're a dude. I don't like my penis being anywhere near another man's ass even if there are layers of pants and underwear between us. 8) Don't shove or get violent towards any females around me, especially if she's a friend of mine. That kind of stuff brings out my violent side. 9) This seems obvious, but nobody seems to do it. Wash your hands after you use the bathroom. From my experience, it seems like 9 out of 10 guys that I see in the restroom do NOT wash their hands. Girls, that means that the guy you're with or met up with at the club probably has urine all over his hands that he's rubbing all over you. Ewwww. 10) When you're upstairs overlooking the dance floor, don't dump your water of the people dancing. It's just not cool and I don't like it. I'm sure there are more things to bitch about, but I'm too drunk right now to remember everything. Peace out!
Who's my hottest MySpace
friend? -- DJ Tiesto @ Ruby Skye -- The PSP r0x0rs -- Got movies? -- Last chance to save my Christmas!
--
A very voluptuous "Dear
Dave" -- "Look mom, no balls"
-- First, even though I get to wear pajamas to work, this is a business and it was a smart business move by that company. If you can't beat your competition by quality alone, then you outspend them. They always did this just by having a development team that was 5 times our size and a huge marketing budget that we couldn't possibly match, but that wasn't enough so they figured their only chance to keep the market theirs was to buy the license exclusively. Basically, they got daddy to buy the ball and decided to take it home because they weren't getting their way. I think it's a spineless thing to do, but it's a business and they know that regardless of what the outcry might be by some, they'll still end up buying the game in the end because there'll be no other option. Second, there's really no need to worry about me or my job status at VC right now. So, while I appreciate the emails, there's no need to feel bad for me in any way, shape or form. Worst case scenario would be things not working out and the shit hitting the fan in about a year, but I don't foresee it happening right now. And even then, just today I got three job offers thrown in my lap, so employement isn't a worry of mine at the moment. Also, my desire to stick it out at VC is higher now than ever before. Third, moreso than in the past, I cannot talk about what the company is doing. Though, I will say that we're definitely not going to roll over and die. The gridiron fight might've been a toss-up, but the quality of our hockey, NBA, college hoops and baseball games really out-classed theirs in a big way. Plus, we have a LOT of talent on the football team. How else could we make a game that was just as good as Madden while having a staff that was only a small fraction of their size? Simple. Our engineers, artists and designers are amazing, very dedicated, efficient and hard working. We’ll continue to make great games that people will hopefully buy. Luke might’ve just had his hand cut off by Vadar and Han might be frozen in carbonite and in the hands of Jabba, but that's just the end of Act 2 and the war with the evil Empire isn’t over yet. Not by a longshot.
Real World Chicago's Tonya
Cooley nude! -- PlayStation, PlayStation
2 and Xbox games for sale! --
As always, if you're local, you have the option of picking up the games from my San Francisco apartment where you can drink my Jager and get sexually molested by me if that happens to be your bag. I'm stocked with Wet Platinum lube if you want to go that route or we can always just go with old-fashioned spit and a little blood.
0-16! -- It was just a very unsuccessful night for yours truly and nothing I tried worked. It surely didn't help that with half of the 16 girls I attempted to talk to, I used a very generic "Hey, what's your name?" or "You look bored, let's dance." The general response I got from these were of the "Umm, NO!" variety. Nevertheless, it's worth noting that even though I was a little more creative on the other eight, it didn't seem to make a difference. "Excuse me, is there any chance you've seen a diamond-studded platinum money clip lying around? I'm not worried about the grand that was in it, but the clip has a lot of sentimental value to me" got me a chuckle, but even that was followed by the cold shoulder. My guess is that I must've tossed one too many salads before heading out and my breath was foul as a result, because I don't think I've ever been shot down as hard and as quickly as was happening tonight. I guess I should look on the bright side...at least all the women that shot me down were fairly easy on the eyes. It would've added insult to injury if these were ugly bitches shooting me down.
Open bar
at the IGN Christmas party...priceless! --
The bad news about the night of binging on alcohol was that I lost/broke my cell phone. I apparently dropped it, then Raymond Graham stomped on it, and then Marc Nix picked up and saved what he was able to find (just the battery and the back casing). What sucks about this is that not only do I have to buy a new phone, but that I lost a SHIT LOAD of phone numbers. I can get most back easily, but the ones for girls whose digits I got recently and haven't called back yet, I'm shit out of luck. Maybe I'll luck out and the not calling will make them want me more the next time I bump into them.
Vote for
NOW ESPN NFL 2K5! -- I know the website is HORRIBLE with all caps. It seems as if it's been designed specifically to piss you off so you won't want to vote. But go and vote regardless. Do it for me! And if not me, do it for those out that there still want to download the zips (Carmella, Trishelle, Lisa Gleave, Diana Kauffman, etc!) that I'll re-post for a short time if we do walk away with a victory. So what the fuck are you waiting for? VOTE NOW! A very GOOD morning at the
gym -- I just wish it was acceptable form to take photos of the view while at the gym because I think you guys deserve a look. I'm just glad the little guy was too busy swinging around in my workout pants to get all excited because that could've been embarassing and might've even hurt if it happened while my legs were churning on the elliptical machine.
My latest gift to all of
you -- In fact, I'm going to give you a new Babe of the Week that you've never heard of but will likely wanna rub one out to. And on the otherside, I'm giving the lovely Carolyn Ann Bovard exposure to all of you 150,000+ hornballs who come here for Spank Bank™ material each and every month. I should be given a medal, plaque or some kind of an award for all this giving. Or at the very least, I should get some sex out of it from someone. Go read PSX2.com! -- I can't take it anymore! The first 100+ lbs was so damn easy, I was motivated, and I never had urges or desires to ever cheat or skip a workout. Now, everything seems so difficult even though it had been cake. Mmm, cake... Where was I? Oh, I've decided to refocus myself on the goal at hand and have set a short-term mileston of getting down to 238.0 lbs or lighter on the first Sunday of the New Year (01/02/05). Since I'm currently tipping the scales at 257, it'll only take a loss of 19 lbs over the course of the next few weeks. It shouldn't be hard as long as I follow the shit that helped me lose the first 130, but I can't keep fucking off like I have been. I just gotta figure out some way to give me extra motivation. I would say that if I don't make it to my goal weight on the 2nd of January that I'll ban myself from masturbation or sex for an entire month...but we all know that if I don't have the willpower to stop putting food in my mouth there's no way and hell I'll be able to keep my hands off my penis for 30 days unless I have my hands amputated. And if I were to do that, I'm sure I'd find some way to get flexible enough to suck myself off, so that motivation tool just isn't going to fly. If any of you have any ideas on what I can do to motivate myself as far as a "bet" with myself is concerned, let me know. I was thinking maybe, "if I don't make it down to 238 lbs or less on January 2nd, I have to shave my hair off" but I'm not sure if I'd care enough about that where it'd have an effect on me. Anyway, wish me luck!
I'm sore as fuck! -- After the slow start, I fought hard to keep the feeling of impending vomit from interfering with talking to the lovely lasses and even managed to have several conversations that lasted beyond the first few sentences. I even learned a few things about myself that I didn't know, such as the fact that I'm an artist that specializes in water colors, whatever the fuck that is. I think I went to some local art school, too, but the story is a bit blurred right now. Anyway, I managed to strike conversations with a lot of different hotties but like most nights, I remember names and faces but can't quite match the names to the faces. I know there was a Holly, a Holland (these two were together), a Sarah, a Lisa, and...the other names have been lost with the rest of the weak brain cells. The highlight of the night, however, was probably when we headed back to North Beach to get Trevor a slice of pizza and to his home. It was one of those RARE times where I was the sober (okay, maybe less drunk) one in the bunch. He was stumbling around mumbling, "let's kick someone's ass tonight!" over and over before he eventually passed out on the hood of some mini-van with the pizza laying on his stomach while I stood around trying to hail a cab. He proved to be the highlight of the night for some passerby's including a group of three cuties who took turns posing for pictures next to him while he was "asleep". Eventually, I was able to get him up and I walked him to his place, walked back down and got a cab home. I just found it amusing because it's rare that it's not ME being the stupid drunken idiot. Last night was probably just as good, but just different. It wasn't about hitting unsuspecting Spank Bank™ fodder as much as it was about listening to some really GREAT live music and then listening to a really amazing DJ and dancing the night away. I started the night off with Trevor and a bunch of guys from work at some shithole on geary. The bar was crummy and the room where the band played smelled like a mixture of McDonald's french fries and weed. But the band, Ride The Blinds, was amazing. I never knew a bunch of white dudes dressed in white button shirts and ties could play the Blues so damn well. I've decided that I need to get out and listen to more live bands in shitholes more often. After the band finished, we (Trevor, John H and myself) just hung around drinking and telling jokes to each other. I kept fucking up their jokes because I would always get distracted and give some random compliment to some random girl that walked by -- "love those glasses", "that's a really nice shirts", "damn, them the best fake tits I've ever seen!", and so on. Also saw some chick that looked like the Dee character from Starship Troopers. However, she hadn't ever heard of the movie and neither did anyone in her large group of friends. Either that, or instead of saying Starship Troopers I said, "Starrahgoopthis Trroppoasersrss" and they didn't know what the fuck I was slurring. Once we were done there, we took a cab back to North Beach, got some pizza and then split up. They went up to the Pussy Palace (Trevor's apartment, where Justice used to stay) and I decided to head over to 1015 to meet up with my roommies, Dave Toole and Michelle. Got there and it was PACKED and the DJ was off the hook. I was drunk as fuck, about ready to puke and/or pass out, so I tried to drink lots and lots of water while bouncing around for the rest of the night. It was a lot of fun and the abundance of squatters in ttendance didn't bother me much, but I'm paying for it now with extreme muscle soreness all over my body.
Seriously now...just look at the two studs in the photo to the right and tell me that it's not OBVIOUS that both of them have bodies fueled by steroid use. You just can't get that buff without it. The raw sexual energy I give off is more genetics, but I owe my hot bod to the use of a combination of "Cream" and "Clear", plus a little of my own concoction I just refer to as "Man Goo". Anyway, if you're surprised that Barry actually did take the 'rhoids, then you're probably not too bright. If you figured he did but didn't really care, that's not quite as bad. It still takes some good hand-eye coordination to do what he's done and that's not helped by the steroids. Although, you have to wonder how many of his home runs would've died on the warning track had not been for the extra "juice". Vote for ESPN NFL 2K5! -- Alright, so stop pussy-footing around and head over to the SpikeTV Videogame Awards 2004 link, open up the flash thing, scroll over to the Vote Now art, click on it, follow the link to Best Sports Game, click on the image for ESPN NFL 2K5 and the vote for it. Do this every single day until it's over. If by chance we win this award, I'll re-post the zips of the nude photos of Trishelle, Diana Kauffman and Lisa Gleave for a limited time. So, do it damn it! And when you're done, go back and check out PSX2.com. It's your duty! For more...check out the Archives © 2002 by Dave Zdyrko. All Rights Reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyrights reserved herein, no part of this web site may be reproduced in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission of the authors. ™ and © for all products, characters, and indicia related thereto which are contained herein are owned by the companies who market or license those products. If you have any comments or questions, please e-mail the Webmaster. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
A
reversal of fortune --
I'm shocked!!! --