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"Baby, is tuna chicken or is it fish?"

- Jessica Simpson

Saturday, August 30, 2003

Having fun bouncing up and down --
It's about 5:30 AM right now and I'm about to get some nighty night. But before I do, I figured I'd let you all know that I had a little fun bouncing up and down for the past six hours while at 1015 here in San Francisco. Nothing super-exciting happened, but I only spent a total of $18 the entire night, as I only had two rounds of drinks and was able to get into the club for free thanks to my brother getting me on the guest list.

The place actually wasn't all that packed and, according to Toole, most of the DJs that were playing sucked and the vibe wasn't good. However, I had a good time without having to spend all that much money or get all that drunk. Lots of cute Asian chickies at the club, if you're wondering. Cutest girl, though, was this blonde bartender.

Friday, August 29, 2003

"I F*cked Britney Spears" pin --
If you check out this picture of Christina Aguilera at some VMA after-party, you'll see that she's wearing a pin that says "I F*cked Britney Spears". I need to get me one of those pins! Maybe I can get one from her after we next make mad monkey love.

Dreams do come true! --
I guess this is from the VMA's or some shit, which I missed because I don't have cable right now. Luckily, that won't happen again because I'll have DirecTV and Tivo starting next Tuesday (gotta have my NFL Sunday Ticket & College Gameplan). Anyway, I'm at work right now and can't get my stiffie to go away because of these pictures and my reluctance to masturbate in my office. Might have to go relieve myself in the bathroom...if ya catch my drift. And a special thanks to everyone that sent these my way (there's a lot of you). It's like I don't even have to search for pop star porn these days, it just comes to me!

After posting the first two pictures earlier today, I went out looking for a video and subsequently found out that the other leading lady in my porn star fantasies was also involved in a lesbian kiss with Madonna. So, let me get this straight...both Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera got into a lesbian liplock with Madonna. If you replace Madonna with "Dave Z" and have them both kiss each other for a bit and finish off by sucking me off until I cum all over their faces...you'll essentially have scene #1 of my fantasy porn flick.

If the stills aren't good enough for you, you can check out this little MPEG of the lesbian kisses. And before I leave, a special "fuck you!" goes out to MTV for that close-up of Justin Timberlake in the middle of the two kisses. You pretty much miss out on the Madonna-Christina kiss because of it. Plus, Justin's face now pops up while I'm stroking my poker to this and that's NOT a good thing.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

A few new flicks--
I picked up a couple of new DVDs today while on a lunch break at the mall -- Chasing Papi and National Lampoon's Animal House: Double Secret Probation Edition. Bought Animal House because it's just one of those movies that you must own and I can't believe I didn't already have it in my collection. This newly-released special edition gave me a good excuse to go out and buy it. The movie's an all-time great and if you haven't seen it yet, I suggest giving it a look.

As for Chasing Papi...I purchased it because it has a lot of hot Latin chicks in it. Here's to hoping that it doesn't suck too much. By the way, I recently picked up the Cradle 2 The Grave. I think it was sometime last week, but I don't remember exactly. I also don't remember much about the movie because the drugs kicked in about halfway through. I was enjoying it up to that point, however, which was fairly surprising to me. Anyway, my total DVDs owned is now 217.

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

Doing it for the kids --
My peeps are getting In-School Suspension for viewing my website? What the hell is wrong with this country? If everyone would read my site then there'd never be another school shooting. Everyone would feel better about themsleves and get along. The only negative that would come out of it would be that guys would be masturbating a whole lot more than usual. But, I'm not so sure that's a negative because, as I posted previously, scientific studies have shown that masturbation can help keep you alive longer. Ah, the man is really stupid sometimes. Anyway, subjects like this, diabetes symptoms, Monica Keena, my BFL progress, and whether or not to post the photo of the naked, ugly, hairy-armpit chick (just discussion, I haven't scanned the picture yet) are all discussed in today's update to "Dear Dave". Read it at your own risk!

Monday, August 25, 2003

Pretty damn sexy for an elf.

Sexiest elf alive! --
I haven't really been watching much wrestling over the course of the past few years. Not sure if it's been because of time, because I just don't like it, or just because Bishop hated it so much that I wouldn't dare watch it with him in the same household. Regardless of why, all that's about to change because I've just realized that I've been missing out on some major hottie action. One such hottie is the leggy Stacy Keilber, who I've decided to name this week's Babe of the Week. She's hot enough that I'd be more than willing to put up with watching an hour of sweaty men acting poorly and extremely over-the-top just to see her every once in a while. She still does this shit, right?

An update on my weight losses and gains --
As you may or may not have picked up from my writings, the last eight weeks of the development project were pure hell on my weight loss. The 20/hour per day, seven days per week schedule wreaked havoc on both my exercise and dietary plans. In the first half of that eight week period, I pretty much stopped losing weight and put on about 9.5 lbs, jumping from my low of 238.0 lbs to 247.5 lbs. The final four weeks were even worse. In that period, during which I completely stopped working out (too damn tired) and completely ignored BFL completely, my weight soared all the way up to a massive 282.5 lbs -- an increase of 35 lbs in 4 weeks and an overall increase of 44.5 lbs from my all-time low.

The good news is that upon finishing up my work on the game, I didn't waste any time in jumping back on the Body-for-LIFE ship. In the three weeks since, I've already managed to drop 18 of the 44.5 lbs that I gained since getting off the plan. I'm now weighing in at 264.5 lbs. If all goes well, I hope to get back to where I was before fucking off by the end of September. Yes, it does suck that I gained all that weight and I'm both extremely pissed off and disappointed with myself, but I'm already over it. I'm just glad that I'm back on track with both the eating and exercising. My ultimate goal is still to get below 200 lbs before the end of the year. Wish me luck.

Sunday, August 24, 2003

Hung the fuck over... --
Man, this is the first hangover I've had in a long ass time. Even though I drank a lot at E3 parties and events this past May, I never once got hungover. Can't say that I like it. It might have something to do with me going to sleep at 6:30AM and waking up at 9:30AM. This post is at 10:14AM and the one right below was at 5:30-ish. Guess I should go sleep it off, but it's just way too bright in my room right now and the fucking MUNI keeps waking up every time the train rocks on by. Hopefully it'll better prepare me for next weekend's festivities, because nothing's going to stop me from getting my drunk on!

Party Dave is making a comeback --
I've been off the whole partying circuit for a couple of years now. Outside of E3, I haven't really done much in the way of going out and having fun in a long ass time. That's about to change. I made this decision after getting drunk right before midnight last night, so it was really too late to do anything about it immediately.

I plan to paint the town with my semen all next weekend, as I'm going to go out on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. Haven't made any specific plans just yet, but mark my words -- I will have FUN next weekend. I've been doing nothing but work and have been thinking about nothing but work for much too long. I need a life and I need to have some real fun every once in a while. I've earned it.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. While moving some of my junk into my new pad yesterday morning, I came across some photos that belonged to the previous tenant...nude photos. The chick in it ain't too hot and has hairy pits, or else I'd scan them for ya. It's sort of gross, but somewhat cool at the same time because it's something that I was never *supposed* to see. Just wish she was hot...maybe next time.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

A very rewarding "Dear Dave" --
A wide array of topics are discussed in today's update to "Dear Dave". Some of the topics covered include the "Madden Curse", ESPN NFL Football, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen becoming legal, apartment hunting and a whole bunch more. So, what's so rewarding about it? Well, someone finally sent in all of the Playboy pictures of the Real World's Trishelle and Arissa. A few of you have been begging for them for a while and someone finally came through (my ass has been too lazy to scan them myself).

Monday, August 18, 2003

Her name means "really fucking hot" in some language, I'm sure-

Beyonce! --
This week's Babe of the Week is the hottest of the hottie girl group Destiny's Child. She's Beyonce Knowles and she's a notch, as my officemate likes to say. She's got the complete package -- pretty face, nice eyes, perfect skin, great rack, and a bootylicious booty. If I could have some time alone with her, I'm sure I could make it the best five minutes of my life.

Found a place to live --
Okay. Maybe I went crazy a little prematurely yesterday. We were able to find a place that meets all of our criteria. It's still not completely perfect and I'm sure we could probably find something even better and possibly even cheaper if we kept looking for another month, but we're completely satisfied with it and will be signing the lease on Wednesday.

It ultimately came down to the fact that September won't be a good month for us to take care of this crap. The combination of the fact that I'll be gone for a full week in the middle of the month and the fact that Smith and Toole might be out of the country for the last part of the month for TGS meant that we had to take care of this soon. Given these circumstances, the place we found was too good to pass up.

The bottom line is that I'm very pleased with it and think everything's going to work out fine. The location is an improvement over where we're at right now, there's an extra bathroom attached to my room, there's a washer and dryer in the building, and it has a supermarket right across the street (this easy access could be dangerous for any Mary Jane-induced munchies...). Oh, yeah, it also has its own parking garage so that's another nicety.

Sunday, August 17, 2003

Apartment hunting sucks ass --
I really hate looking for a place to live. It's far worse than used car shopping by a long shot. It's just a pain in the ass trying to find something that fits everyone's needs.

My brother needs a place where his share will be $600 or less per month. In non-shady parts of SF, that cuts down the options significantly.

Toole and Smith need a place where they can commute to work easily on either Muni or BART. And, like me, their preference would be to pay no more than $750-$800 per month each (Smith seems somewhat willing to take small rooms about the size of a Volkswagen, though).

And, me specifically, I want a place that's close to a lot of hot chicks. Okay, that and I need a place that isn't too far away from the Golden Gate Bridge, so my commute is less butt than it is right now (anything north of the park would shave 15 minutes off for me).

My ultimate preference would be to find a pad that is in a relatively flat area and within walking distance of a lot of bars, clubs, shops, and people. I like to be able to go out for a walk and be around people, a lot of them. The more the merrier (increases the chances of seeing notches). I'm really sick of living in the Sunset District -- or at least the part where I'm currently residing .

The problem is that every place we check out never seems to meet all the different criteria. There's this house we looked at that would only cost us $2,400/month ($600 each) that has a ton of closet space, decent sized rooms, in-house washer/dryer hook-ups, and a garage...but it's only three blocks away from where I'm at right now, so it doesn't help with my commute at all and wouldn't quench my desire to get the fuck out of this area. Might still go with it, but it's not exactly what I want.

Then there are these places that are in prime spots, such as this one criIb that's just a block off of Haight Street or this other pad that's in a really nice area that's around Pacific Heights, but they're not nearly as spacious and are a bit over our optimal price range.

A lot of the 4BR apartments that we see end up having a living room and dining room that can be used as bedrooms, 1 real bedroom, and 1 large closet that is big enough for maybe a queen size bed if you don't care about shutting th door. It's ridiculous.

My poor credit history doesn't help much, either. Although, being able to tell the landlord that I managed to completely erase $32,000 in debt in less than six months has to help a little bit, I'm sure.

Luckily, the fact that I don't have any debt means that I have plenty of free cash. If I feel that I must live in a cool area, I might be willing to take on a larger share of the rent so the others don't have to go over their price wishes. It would possibly mean no new car in the future, though. Oh, well, I fucking hate this shit. It's stressing me the fuck out and I thought it was supposed to be a stress-free time for me now that the damn game is pretty much finished.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

A "Dear Dave" for ya! --
Feeling a little bored this morning, so I threw together an update to "Dear Dave" because my email was getting pretty backed up. Just hoping that this cold will go away. Did my 20-minute run this morning and it was hard as hell because I wasn't able to breath at all through my nose. I thought I was going to die when I got to the 4th cycle. Finished it and that's all that matters.

Monday, August 11, 2003

Cute little Brazillian.

For the kids --
I don't really know much about this chick, except that she's very cute, fairly young and from Brazil. Regardless, she's fine enough to be the newest Babe of the Week. Anyway, her name is Fernanda Martinelli and you can feel free to jerk to her if you're not some 48 year old pervert that's probably more than three times her age. It's for the kids...and some older pervs.

Being sick sucks--
Had my first weekend off in all of 2003 and was fucking sick... Went out a little Saturday, but spent the rest of the weekend feeling very sick and extremely fatigued. It's just not all that fair. I say "boo!" to it all. Oh, well, at least I didn't have to go into the office for a single second. That was hella nice.

Only other shitty part is that being home all weekend makes me actually miss the cable TV that I had long since cancelled to help with the debt issues. It was never a problem before because I was always at work. Now that I'm at home more, I miss having the wide array of channels to choose from. Now when nothing's on, it only takes me a second or two to flip through all the channels to find this out. Maybe we can get cable or DirecTV whenever we find a new place to move into...which will hopefully happen sometime soon.

Thursday, August 7, 2003

A new favorite drink --
I've been introduced to a new drink and after four straight nights of drinking it before bed, I've decided to name it my new favorite! The drink is Jagermeister & Red Bull. I'm not sure what the proper split is, but I've been doing a 50/50 mixture in a pint glass and have been lovin' the hell out of the shit. It doesn't even taste like liquor and it seems to get me buzzed pretty quick. I haven't even had any hangovers with it, either, and Jager is supposedly pretty bad for that.

Anyway, I went ahead and took a bunch of drunken pictures of my misadventures in my living room last night with the Jager, Red Bull, and even a little Vodka. Oh, yeah, if you're one of the guys that have been emailing about not seeing enough nekkidness on the site in recent months, well, you should check out the new photos. You'll be pleased!

Vote for Arnold! --
I'm almost tempted to see what it'll take for me to get my civil rights back, so I can vote in this recall/election shit in California. I don't have any clue what they stand for or what their political views are, but I'd be all about having either Arnold, Larry Flint or Gary Coleman as my state governor. Hell, I'm almost tempted to see about running for office myself. Smith and Toole tell me that all I need is $3,500 and 65 signatures to get myself on the ballot. I'm sure I can come up with that.

Britney's back! --
Now that Christina has been busy entering pie eating contests and whatnot, it's a perfect time for Britney Spears to try and regain her crown as my Spank Bank™ queen (the spot is currently vacant as of right now). If the girl keeps doing things like pose semi-nude and topless in magazines such as British Elle, she might just be able to do it. Here's a little taste of what I'm talking about:

Tuesday, August 5, 2003

Approved by David Toole.

The hottest model ever? --
Well, David Toole sure as hell thinks so. And who the hell am I to argue with the almighty Toole? So who is this chick that made Toole cum his pants when he merely mentioned her name? She's Victoria's Secret and Guess model Adriana Lima. She's tall, slender, hot -- make that really, really hot -- and she's from Brazil. What more would you want from a Babe of the Week? What's up with all the questions today? Do I have some sort of a problem? We all already know the answer to that one, so don't bother yourself with a response.

New DVDs? --
Maybe. I was just at Suncoast and was all ready to pick up Agent Cody Banks, What A Girl Wants and Meet Joe Black when a co-worker/friend told me that there was some special edition of Joe Black that I should get instead. So, I put all three back on the shelf so I could check online for some information about this supposed special edition. Turns out that there is a Meet Joe Black: Ultimate Edition DVD...but it seems to be out of print and out of stock everywhere.

Now I'm torn between just picking up the regular widescreen version or trying to get the Ultimate Edition on eBay or something. Life's decisions can be tough sometimes. Well, I figure I'll make up my mind before the end of the day. Either way, I *might* go ahead and pick up the first two DVDs I mentioend even if I decide to wait on trying to get the Ultimate Edition of Joe Black. Whatever I decide, you can check out the list of all my movies here.

Saturday, August 2, 2003

Almost done --
Well, the hellish work schedule should be over fairly soon. Hurrah! It might mean some more frequent updates in the near future, but I'm not going to make any promises. My brain is pretty fried at this point and I have trouble finishing my sentences when I'm speaking with someone. Anyway, I have some technical-induced down time right now, so I figured I'd put together a quick "Dear Dave" update for you. I've included a supposed picture of that Katelyn Kristine Faber chick that Kobe Bryant supposedly fucked without consent.

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