All Grows Up

There was a time that I would react to someone doing me wrong on the highway by pulling out an illegally-owned 9mm Beretta and waving it at the culprit while aggressively passing and then cutting them off. I grew out of that and moved on to a technique I liked to call “the nudge” or “love tap”, which I learned from watching bump drafting in NASCAR and from playing Gran Turismo.

If someone was driving obnoxiously slow in the fast lane I would just tail them so close that I’d actually “tap” them and start pushing them forward. I would do it in a way that left my little Honda Accord and its 200,000+ miles of wear without even a hint of a scratch or dent, but it was something that always worked in getting the stupid slow driver in front of me to get out of the fast lane as quickly as they could. As I’ve grown in years and have become more mature, I’ve been doing a lot less of “the nudge” and simply no longer wave the handgun, which is no longer owned.

This growth was showcased today after some jack ass just wouldn’t let me into the lane as I was trying to get around a couple of cars that were in an accident. The old me would’ve acted childishly and bumped him, cut him off or even pulled out a gun. I’m much more mature now so I didn’t do any of that. Instead, I just turned on my high beams and trailed him for the next 30 minutes in slow commuter traffic while keeping at a distance that I hoped equated to the most annoyance — while taking every opportunity to pull to the left side and get my high beams shining brightly into his side mirror. It was the adult and mature way to wreak vengeance on the highway. :)

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