DaveZdyrko.com

In one of my many errands and chores I have planned for today, I needed to head over to Kinkos to print a copy of my friend Jordanna’s book that she’s been working on and make a CD jacket cover of for this Haris Hilton album I’m producing. While there, I got a chance to witness an angry old bitch at her worst.

The old hag was trying to ship something FedEx Ground but put her stuff in a box that was labeled Express. The clerk mentioned this to her, extremely nicely, and she just started yelling like a mad woman. She was yelling, getting angry and just being a total cunt.

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I hate to keep bitching about bad drivers, especially since one of the reasons I had shut down my site for a couple years was that it had gotten to the point where I would only blog about how much I hated AWDs (Asian Women Drivers). It’s just so hard to keep my sanity after dealing with the sometimes horrific commute to work that’s completely the result of people just having no clue how to drive.

I have never in my life seen so many people who think that coming to a complete STOP in the merge lane is the best way to get onto a highway. Everyone takes 30 to 40 seconds to accelerate up to the speed limit off of green lights. When driving up a damn hill and needing to slow down just a little, people love to slam on their brakes instead of simply letting off their gas pedals. Sure, this happens everywhere. Believe me, I’ve seen it. I just have never in my life experienced such a high quantity of this sort of inept driving.

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I’m proud to reveal that my company’s newly remodeled website has officially launched with our new name — Quick Hit, Inc. @ www.quickhit.com. The name of the game has also transformed from Play Hard Football to Quick Hit Football and we’ve also just announced the signing of former Pittsburgh Steelers Head Coach, the legendary Bill Cowher, to be our official voice. A lot of exciting stuff is happening on the professional front and I can’t wait till you guys get to see what’s in store down the road with the game.

I’ve been meaning to blog about this but it kept slipping my mind. After doing a bunch of research and watching the UMass Division 1-AA championship game he won as a head coach, I must say that I’m feeling extremely happy with the Miami Hurricanes’ hiring of Mark Whipple to be Assistant Head Coach and Offensive Coordinator.

He seems to have a great offensive mind and his track record at UMass, Brown and New Haven on the offensive front is astonishing. The praise being thrown his way by guys like Bill Cowher and Andy Reid are also fairly significant and his former players seem to like to throw out the “genius” tag when talking about him.

The only thing that makes me have concern is the fact that it seems a bit odd for someone to be have been in the coaching business for as long as he has without getting any true big-time opportunities, especially if he’s deserving of the overly-used genius moniker. Then again, there could be numerous reasons other than lack of ability that could cause something like this to happen. It’s not like he’s getting any automatic Rooney Rule interviews.

A group of us experieced one of the best “that’s what she said” moments in history a few days ago. We hit up the Verizon store in Mansfield Crossing next to the Qdoba after lunch and when discussing phones with the really cute Verizon girl, Trevor pulled out his old ass Palm and mentioned that he still likes it much better than his Blackberry. In response to this, the cute Verizon girl said, “well, it must be hard to have to lug around such a big piece of equipment everywhere”. Everyone paused as we took in the moment, there were some chuckles and then Brandon motioned to me and said my name, as I generally take the Steve Carell approach in The Office and abuse the hell out of the joke no matter how inopportune or correct the situation or moment. It was just too funny because she just said it. After a few moments the cute Verizon girl picked up on it and even had to laugh a bit herself.

If you like them big and silicon or saline free then you will without a doubt be a future (or current) stalker of Britain’s voluptuous bombshell Lucy Pinder. Her face is quite breathtaking, as well, but it’s quite honestly hard to ignore her big ole love jugs of doom. She even has a cute pair of pokies and not the huge pancakes you often see on a set this massive. All of these fine qualities has helped earn her a well-deserved Babe of the Week.

I was going to set one of those long-term six week goals for myself. But given the fact that I’ve been doing this quite often over the past few months and never making it more than a week, I thought it best to start off with just a one week goal.

My first goal for the week is to hit the gym hard every single morning. Not just one of those “going through the motions” workouts, either, but to pick up the intensity quite a bit. Even though I’ve had some solid workouts since moving East, I’ve never really pushed myself in nearly the same fashion as I did back when I used to lift for football. I’ve worked out hard, but haven’t really pushed myself to the extreme. I started off today with a pretty intense upper body workout and I’m hoping to replicate that intensity with all of my workouts this week while not missing a single day.

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I’m way too drunk to really elaborate, but I want to kill the person who decided to give Tyra the horrible haircut. It’s beyond bad and really makes her less attractive. I almost don’t want to bang her anymore.

I decided to read The Game by Neil Strauss because I had been told it was pretty much the bible as far as the art of picking up women was concerned. The book’s bounding sort of reinforced this belief, as it’s been made to look like a bible. While it does offer a lot of insight on the inner-workings of the female (and male) mind and how to make yourself more appealing to women, it’s really more about the community of pickup artists and how the whole game of seducing women really affected everyone’s lives both positively and negatively.

It proved to be an excellent and compelling read and I highly recommend it if you’re looking to get a book. I actually learned a lot about myself in reading it because there were many things about the people discussed in it, including the author, that I could relate to. Next up is A Density of Souls by Christopher Rice, which I started reading a few years ago but haven’t finished because I often find it hard to find time to read books when so much of my life is filled with such mindless activities like watching bad movies, creeping on the Internet or rubbing one out.

I still haven’t gotten drunk yet in 2009, but that hasn’t stopped me from drinking in moderation. For instance, I’ve been sipping Patrón all day since 11:11AM while doing nothing special. I read a few chapters in a book I’ve been reading, played some Too Human, watched some movies, and pretty much just lounged around the house in my underwear. Yep, I’m living the rockstar life.

I was just about to rant about my big pet peeve regarding really bad movies that are all about gratuitous nudity but the hot main character never shows her tits. Then about halfway through typing it up, the main character Daisy in Poison Ivy 4 finally showed her God-given precious goods. The rant was no longer needed and will have to wait until the next time this travesty happens.