In one of my many errands and chores I have planned for today, I needed to head over to Kinkos to print a copy of my friend Jordanna’s book that she’s been working on and make a CD jacket cover of for this Haris Hilton album I’m producing. While there, I got a chance to witness an angry old bitch at her worst.
The old hag was trying to ship something FedEx Ground but put her stuff in a box that was labeled Express. The clerk mentioned this to her, extremely nicely, and she just started yelling like a mad woman. She was yelling, getting angry and just being a total cunt.
I hate to keep bitching about bad drivers, especially since one of the reasons I had shut down my site for a couple years was that it had gotten to the point where I would only blog about how much I hated AWDs (Asian Women Drivers). It’s just so hard to keep my sanity after dealing with the sometimes horrific commute to work that’s completely the result of people just having no clue how to drive.
I have never in my life seen so many people who think that coming to a complete STOP in the merge lane is the best way to get onto a highway. Everyone takes 30 to 40 seconds to accelerate up to the speed limit off of green lights. When driving up a damn hill and needing to slow down just a little, people love to slam on their brakes instead of simply letting off their gas pedals. Sure, this happens everywhere. Believe me, I’ve seen it. I just have never in my life experienced such a high quantity of this sort of inept driving.
I’m proud to reveal that my company’s newly remodeled website has officially launched with our new name — Quick Hit, Inc. @ www.quickhit.com. The name of the game has also transformed from Play Hard Football to Quick Hit Football and we’ve also just announced the signing of former Pittsburgh Steelers Head Coach, the legendary Bill Cowher, to be our official voice. A lot of exciting stuff is happening on the professional front and I can’t wait till you guys get to see what’s in store down the road with the game.
I’ve been meaning to blog about this but it kept slipping my mind. After doing a bunch of research and watching the UMass Division 1-AA championship game he won as a head coach, I must say that I’m feeling extremely happy with the Miami Hurricanes’ hiring of Mark Whipple to be Assistant Head Coach and Offensive Coordinator.
He seems to have a great offensive mind and his track record at UMass, Brown and New Haven on the offensive front is astonishing. The praise being thrown his way by guys like Bill Cowher and Andy Reid are also fairly significant and his former players seem to like to throw out the “genius” tag when talking about him.
The only thing that makes me have concern is the fact that it seems a bit odd for someone to be have been in the coaching business for as long as he has without getting any true big-time opportunities, especially if he’s deserving of the overly-used genius moniker. Then again, there could be numerous reasons other than lack of ability that could cause something like this to happen. It’s not like he’s getting any automatic Rooney Rule interviews.
A group of us experieced one of the best “that’s what she said” moments in history a few days ago. We hit up the Verizon store in Mansfield Crossing next to the Qdoba after lunch and when discussing phones with the really cute Verizon girl, Trevor pulled out his old ass Palm and mentioned that he still likes it much better than his Blackberry. In response to this, the cute Verizon girl said, “well, it must be hard to have to lug around such a big piece of equipment everywhere”. Everyone paused as we took in the moment, there were some chuckles and then Brandon motioned to me and said my name, as I generally take the Steve Carell approach in The Office and abuse the hell out of the joke no matter how inopportune or correct the situation or moment. It was just too funny because she just said it. After a few moments the cute Verizon girl picked up on it and even had to laugh a bit herself.
If you like them big and silicon or saline free then you will without a doubt be a future (or current) stalker of Britain’s voluptuous bombshell Lucy Pinder. Her face is quite breathtaking, as well, but it’s quite honestly hard to ignore her big ole love jugs of doom. She even has a cute pair of pokies and not the huge pancakes you often see on a set this massive. All of these fine qualities has helped earn her a well-deserved Babe of the Week.
I was going to set one of those long-term six week goals for myself. But given the fact that I’ve been doing this quite often over the past few months and never making it more than a week, I thought it best to start off with just a one week goal.
My first goal for the week is to hit the gym hard every single morning. Not just one of those “going through the motions” workouts, either, but to pick up the intensity quite a bit. Even though I’ve had some solid workouts since moving East, I’ve never really pushed myself in nearly the same fashion as I did back when I used to lift for football. I’ve worked out hard, but haven’t really pushed myself to the extreme. I started off today with a pretty intense upper body workout and I’m hoping to replicate that intensity with all of my workouts this week while not missing a single day.
I’m way too drunk to really elaborate, but I want to kill the person who decided to give Tyra the horrible haircut. It’s beyond bad and really makes her less attractive. I almost don’t want to bang her anymore.
I decided to read The Game by Neil Strauss because I had been told it was pretty much the bible as far as the art of picking up women was concerned. The book’s bounding sort of reinforced this belief, as it’s been made to look like a bible. While it does offer a lot of insight on the inner-workings of the female (and male) mind and how to make yourself more appealing to women, it’s really more about the community of pickup artists and how the whole game of seducing women really affected everyone’s lives both positively and negatively.
It proved to be an excellent and compelling read and I highly recommend it if you’re looking to get a book. I actually learned a lot about myself in reading it because there were many things about the people discussed in it, including the author, that I could relate to. Next up is A Density of Souls by Christopher Rice, which I started reading a few years ago but haven’t finished because I often find it hard to find time to read books when so much of my life is filled with such mindless activities like watching bad movies, creeping on the Internet or rubbing one out.
I still haven’t gotten drunk yet in 2009, but that hasn’t stopped me from drinking in moderation. For instance, I’ve been sipping Patrón all day since 11:11AM while doing nothing special. I read a few chapters in a book I’ve been reading, played some Too Human, watched some movies, and pretty much just lounged around the house in my underwear. Yep, I’m living the rockstar life.
I was just about to rant about my big pet peeve regarding really bad movies that are all about gratuitous nudity but the hot main character never shows her tits. Then about halfway through typing it up, the main character Daisy in Poison Ivy 4 finally showed her God-given precious goods. The rant was no longer needed and will have to wait until the next time this travesty happens.
I just watched the last half of Jerry Maguire, a movie I’ve probably watched a billion times. It’s easily one of my favorite movies of all time and is filled with classic quotes and moments. One of my faves is undoubtedly the one when Bob Sugar goes for that hug because it cracks me up every time. Just the look on both of their faces and the body language were all perfectly awkward.
I’m not jumping in on the abortion debate, but rather just reveling in the idiocy of people and their general lack of understanding with regard to things that they are apparently so passionate about. For instance, I came across this video where a bunch of anti-abortion protesters were asked what the penalty should be for a woman that would get an illegal abortion if abortion were made illegal and it just stumped the hell out of many of them.
It just amazes me how people can spend years of their life fighting for some cause and not have really thought it out completely. The screwed up part is that you can find these kinds of people on both sides of pretty much every single issue imaginable. More proof that stupid people have been put on this Earth for our daily amusement and that the idea of “survival of the fittest” no longer truly applies in today’s day and age.
Part of me feels sorry the woman because everyone and their mama is bashing the hell out of the poem that she read after President Obama’s inauguration speech yesterday, but when I re-read it or listen to it again, I feel the need to punch her in the face just like I did when I first viewed the stream live. It was awful and her delivery and charisma would’ve gotten her ripped to shreds by Simon if she were an American Idol contestant.
Elizabeth Alexander had the chance of a lifetime, as her poem was something like only the 4th ever read at an inauguration, but she just blew it. I’ve heard so many people talk about how yesterday was such an amazing and perfect day for them…except for this woman’s poem. There was likely some young kid out there that was destined to become the next great American poet that heard that poem and decided to give up poetry. The only good part about the reading was the part when she finished but nobody knew so there was a lot of dead silence, some crickets chirping and then a spattering of reluctant applause. At least that got a laugh out of me. Here’s a transcript of the poem for those that wish to read it…
The character she played in Nip/Tuck was kind of annoying, however, since AnnaLynne McCord is so freaking hot that I’d be more than willing to put up with her if she was just like that in real life. The hotness is what what has earned her my Babe of the Week because that’s pretty much the main thing that qualifies a girl. And, let’s face it, the whole annoying thing would make for a phenomenal “hate fuck” candidate, as Hank Moody would say in Californication.
Whether or not you’re one of those that are thrilled by today’s historic inauguration of President Barack Obama or not, you just got to love the fact sexual innuendo is alive and well. I have so many hot young female friends who have Facebook status updates that excitingly say “bye bye Bush” and just reading that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So much so that I’m putting it out there that I am willing to do my part in celebrating and am offering a FREE personal waxing to any woman that wishes to do away with her bush in honor of today’s monumental happenings.
After having to trudge my way through the snow to get to my car yesterday morning, I’ve come to the conclusion that I really need a flamethrower to carry around. It would’ve made jumping through the five foot snowdrifts a lot easier if I could’ve just melted that shit instead. I could’ve also melted the snow that was piled up on the un-plowed ally that I had to drive through to get onto the main road. Instead, I was stuck for 35 minutes trying to get past this slippery 10 feet of slushy and snowy mess that my rear wheel drive Lexus IS300 just couldn’t manage.
The thing is that I’m not the first person to have this ridiculous idea, as google provided quite a bit of fun crap when searching for “flamethrower snow”, including this image below that was apparently an ad in the early 1970s. The best part about this ad is the comment, “It’s so easy even your wife can do it!” I guess things were a little different back in the ’70s.
Back on Saturday afternoon, I posted about the potential of a double peep show from the girls directly across from me in addition to the girl on the floor below who had opened back up her shades after a long layoff. What I failed to report later was that it actually happened, albeit only for a few wonderful seconds. That evening while in the kitchen to do the dishes, I glanced over and noticed that the girl directly across was taking her top off and was completely naked. But almost immediately, she shut both shades and the free voyeuristic peep show was over before it really began.
I did see enough to tell that this girl had a completely slamming body and was fit as hell. Unlike the girl below, who has provided plethora of spank material since my move into Boston but has put on a couple pounds of winter weight, this girl had a tight body in addition to having a nice set of ta ta’s. Sadly, the shades are shut again and will likely stay shut as this was the first time I’ve ever noticed them open in my 5+ months of living in this apartment. A very depressing realization after seeing what this girl has to offer. Luckily for me, the girl on the floor below has both her shades completely up again and will give me a glimpses of her cute little ass, cleanly manicured landing strip and succulant pair of fun bags every now and then.
I always hate Saturday afternoons when there’s no football on because it always take me a while to figure out something to do to fill up the space that was once always occupied. I’ve just been catching up on Tivo crap and will work in some video games, but I’m feeling a bit restless and need to get out. The thing stopping me is that it’s still freaking cold outside and I still haven’t come close to adjusting to it after living in SF for the past 9 years. I’m become a bit of a pussy!
There is some promising news to report, however. I’ve just noticed that the girls directly across from me and the naked girl the floor below them have been opened up their shades this afternoon. If they stay open for tonight, I may get a peep show for free! If not, then I’ll have to count on Bad Company & Too Human to entertain myself until it’s time to get drunk and party with the hot girls of Boston.
I’m having trouble getting to sleep so I went ahead and re-uploaded my old Sega-Saturn.com website for archival purposes. It obviously won’t be updated at all, but I’ve gotten enough emails over the years from people begging me to get it back up for historical and sentimental reasons. If you happen to be one of those people, you got your wish!
