I know I said I would update yesterday with a pair of Babe of the Week honorees to catch me up, but I’m an alcoholic and you can’t trust our kind. The big problem with my semi-promise was that it was Matt Murphy’s Tuesday and I didn’t have time for the website. You see, every other Tuesday we hit up Matt Murphy’s Pub in Brookline to listen to our friend and co-worker Geoff Scott play some music. It’s always a great time because the music’s always excellent and the pub is wicked awesome and it’s become a mandatory event.

Last night, however, was a bit sketchy. It was fantastic at the place and I had an amazing time, but I got wicked lost on the walk home — even more so than two weeks ago when the random hot young girl brought me into her home for some coffee. I ended up near Cleveland Circle, which is hella far from where I needed to be and in the completely wrong direction. I also kept trying to take drunken naps on the sidewalk but a very kind police officer kept waking me up and telling me to get home. I begged for a lift at one point, but he said he wasn’t allowed to and that he could only call a cab…but, since I was out of cash and for some reason Boston cabs are anti-credit cards that didn’t do me any good.

I eventually found my way to Beacon St, where my apartment is on, but it was crazy far from where I lived and in completely the opposite direction from where I should’ve been heading. I was so pissed because I just wanted to get home and I took my frustrations out on Brandon’s voicemail. Anyway, the duo of Babes is coming soon. The exact time is TBD, much like the continuation of the World Series that nobody seems to be watching.

I finally bought a guitar! I’ve been saying I wanted to try learning to play guitar for years but have never pulled the strings on actually getting one. Since I work with so many musicians at Play Hard, I figured this would be about as good of a time as any to try and follow through on this desire. I placed the order last week for a Yamaha FG730S Solid Top Acoustic Guitar and it arrived at the office, making it Christmas in October for yours truly.

I’m mainly just messing around with it tonight, just practicing a couple of chords, but will be picking up some picks, a strap, a case, and maybe some instructional books tomorrow on my lunch break. Anyway, since I figured I share of photo of my new baby, I thought it’d be nice to take a couple quickies of the new corner sofa I got from Ikea a little while back plus my entire living room in the new apartment in Brookline, MA. Oh, by the way, I haven’t forgotten about the lateness of the Babe of the Week, I’ll be posting a pair of new girls tomorrow to catch up on things.

For starters, I had amazing nights out on both Friday and Saturday. Both evenings were loads of fun and there were plenty of hot chicks to entertain everywhere we went. Then things went really good with all of my football teams on both Saturday and Sunday.

The Miami Hurricanes took care of business against Wake Forest and still have an outside shot at the ACC title or at least being bowl eligible. The Dolphins played great today and beat down the Buffalo Bills, with Ginn Jr finally showcasing his playmaking ability. And that’s not all, my fantasy football team scored 109 points and barring a 40+ point outburst by Scaife on MNF should up its record to 6-2 and into a three-way tie atop the division.

And in what might quite possibly be the best news of the weekend, I weighed-in this morning at 299.6 lbs. Hopefully I won’t ever allow myself to go up past the 300 mark ever again for the rest of my life. If I do, I give you permission to put a bullet in my head. It feels good to be back under 300 lbs and I can’t wait till my wrist and ankle/foot heal up so I can start getting back into the gym on a regular basis.

I’m honestly not even sure if the show is good or bad. All I know for certain is that I thoroughly enjoy watching Greek every week because it’s loaded with some high quality ass. There are so many notches on it that I sometimes lose count, particularly because one hand is usually occupied. One of the fine ladies on the show is the beautiful Amber Stevens who plays Ashleigh on the show.

She’s one of the prettiest girls you’ll find on television these days and she makes a damn fine Babe of the Week. Oh, and if there are any young college girls out there that find yourselves in the same situation as Ashleigh, feel free to hit me up to help with those credit card bills. I’m sure I can find some creative ways to make both of us quite satisfied.

Even though I wasn’t able to workout all week because of the hand and foot injury I suffered last weekend, I still managed to drop just under 3 lbs and am now weighing in at 304.4 lbs. I would love to get under 300 lbs next Sunday, but it’ll be hard to do because of my inability to work out right now. The hand is feeling better, but I aggravated my ankle Friday when we moved offices and busted it up more last night when we hit up Cornwall’s Pub for some drinks, pool and the Red Sox game.

First, I had an amazing time last night. I’ll blog about all of the night’s events tonight while catching up on all the Tivo shows that have been piling up. For now, I just wanted to share the strange events that capped off the enjoyable night for me and highly entertaining evening for all those lucky enough to meet me while I was apparently at my absolute best.

After leaving Matt Murphy’s Pub in Brookline, I started stumbling home since I just live about a mile away and Brandon and I have made the walk a ton of times since we go there every other Tuesday to listen to our friend Geoff play some great music. The only difference was that I was doing the walk alone this time, since Justice bailed early and missed out on all of the night’s highlights, and I was about 10 times drunker than normal.

I somehow made the wrong turn and ended up in an area that I hadn’t ever seen before and couldn’t figure out where the hell I was. Since I was really tired and drunk, I got a little frustrated by the walking around aimlessly so I decided to find a comfy area on the sidewalk to pass out on. At this time, I called practically every friend in my phone in an attempt to get some help getting home (sorry!).

Then at some point while I was resting my eyes, this really hot girl rolled up and felt concerned enough to check on my safety. Here’s a recap of the dialog between us to that led to her actually bringing a complete stranger and obnoxiously drunk man into her home after 2AM in the morning:

Hottie: “Hey, are you okay?”

Me: “I’m doing great! I’m just resting my eyes and trying to rest up.”

Hottie: “So are you homeless or something?”

Me: “Yeah, I just lost all my money in the stock market and I was forced to decide between paying for my iPhone or paying rent. I chose the iPhone!”

Hottie: [laughs] “You need helping getting home?”

Me: “Nah, I just need some time to sober up and then I’ll be able to find my way.”

Hottie: “You should come inside and let me make you a cup coffee.”

Me: “Okay.”

[Hottie sticks out her hand and helps me up and we start walking to her door.]

Hottie: “You gotta promise not to rape me or anything if I let you in.” [chuckles]

Me: “While I would absolutely love to rape you, it’s not going to happen. You ever hear that of that song ‘Too Drunk To Fuck’? Well, the girl who wrote it is my ex-girlfriend.”

[Hottie laughs and then we go inside.]

Not really much of significance happened after that. She got me a coffee, we talked a little and then I left. I still didn’t know how to get home so I found another place on the sidewalk to rest and made a few more calls before Paula and her boyfriend called me back and helped me find my way thanks to the power of Google Maps.

I’m still just shocked that some random hot, young and very attractive girl would invite my drunk ass into her place in the middle of the night. Extremely nice of her, but probably not the brightest of moves! I’m a good guy, but there was no way for her to know that!

I was still feeling quite drunk when I woke up this morning after a very eventful last night (will write about that later). My drunkeness was evidenced by the fact that I was hitting on girls on the limp to my car to head into work. The first was merely a really lame “heeyyyyyyyyy” to a girl walking into the elevator when I was exiting. It’s funnier if you know the inside joke behind it, but since nobody does, it’s never effective.

The next, I must admit, was quite money. When I was waiting to cross the street this really hot jogger pulled up next to me and was doing that running in place thing. I looked her fine ass body up and down and said, “Why are you still running? You passed hot at least 100 miles ago.” She cracked an ear-to-ear smile, her face turned a little red and she giggled and replied, “Oh my God, that was awful.” I said I actually thought it was quite good and she went on to concur before the light changed and she continued her jog. Her look back and smile confirmed the effectiveness of the line and I’m sure if our paths ever cross again she’ll end up in my bed (even without busting out my “A” game of duct tape and rope).

After gaining a couple of pounds last week, possibly caused by my illness, I rebounded this past week by not only losing back that weight plus another few to get me down to 307.2 lbs this morning. The body fat checked in at 38.9% and the visceral fat was once again 22. I still have a bad cough, but I think the actual cold is behind me so that should help with this week’s workouts so my short-term goal of getting below the big “three oh oh” could be only a couple of weeks away.

If you’ve followed me for any amount of time, you’re well aware of my afinity for awful movies that have hot chicks in them. I like them even more if they have lots of nudity. That’s the main reason why I’m probalby one of a handful of people on this planet that have watched all of the Species movies.

They always star a hot babe and they always have lots of gratuitious nakedness to appease my sexual urges. Sadly, Species IV didn’t quite have enough quality tit shots for my liking, so all I really got was a crap movie that pretty much wasted my time. The only saving grace is that the star, actress Helena Mattsson, is insanely hot and clearly Babe of the Week material.

Ah, yet another loss in the lowly ACC conference and against our arch-rival Florida State Seminoles. This is going to be a long and painful season of watching Miami Hurricanes football and we’ll likely finish near the bottom of the conference again. BUT, I am TREMENDOUSLY happy with the fact that the team finally showed some heart in the 2nd half and the 4th quarter. The kids were down huge at the half but didn’t run away scared with their tales between their legs. Instead, they fought extremely hard in the 2nd half and were in the fight till the very end only to lose 41-39.

They were sloppy and made so many mistakes throughout the game, but this team is so young that I’ve come to grips with the fact that I need to expect those things. What impresses me is the tremendous amount of talent I see from our freshmen and the fact that they never gave up in this game. I’m proud of my baby Canes. It’s, still, all about the “U”!

I’ve been sick as fuck since Sunday and I don’t seem to be getting any better. The only good news is that I haven’t been having gallstones or pancreas pains so I guess that’s the glass half-full perspective. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon, so I’ll have a laundry list of shit to talk to him about. Maybe I’ll even get up the nerve to ask for the Valtrex script because the breakouts have been insane lately.

As if the being sick isn’t enough of a shit storm on my parade, I haven’t been able to see nakedness from the naked girls whose window I can see into from my kitchen window. It’s been over a week since I’ve been able to see any naked ass, landing strip or tits. I got home at 7 today and they were both already dressed up in their party clothes, so that was a huge letdown.

It is still fairly entertaining to see just how much time chicks spend getting ready once they’re already dressed. They spent a good hour adjusting their outfits in the mirror and changing tops or bottoms and making all sorts of tweaks. However, one of the friends is a devious little bitch because the other girl was wearing this poncho-ish top that kinda made her look fat because the way it hung off her tits.

I almost yelled “that top makes you look fat!” out my window but then my peep show would probably be over for good. I just felt bad for her because her friend obviously didn’t say anything because she was looking really hot and thin in her short little skirt and form-fitting top. She’ll easily be getting the hotter of whatever two guys roll them tonight. Anyway, I have a boring night ahead of me of watching this already-horrible DVD – Across the Universe – while doing Dayquil shots every couple hours.

I can’t believe that there are still people out there that frown upon the idea of interracial couples. It’s just crazy talk! Case in point is the stunning Cassie Ventura who is a result of a little breeding between a Filipino father and an African-American mother. How can anyone still have a problem with a little mixing after seeing this absolutely breathtaking woman who is half-black, half-filipino and 1 million flavors of fuckable. So much so that she’s my latest Babe of the Week. Now, can’t we all just get along? It’s time to get along and start spreading our seed in as many different fine women of all of the world’s races as we possibly can!

First, let me apologize to anyone who may be reading this that is mentally challenged or are close to someone with a mental disability. I’m sure even the most challenged of individuals could run the Oakland Raiders much better than that senile old fool Al Davis. Sure, he WAS a legend and the NFL owes him a lot of gratitude in what he’s done for the game of football and for the league during his lifetime. But, damn, the dude has lost all of his marbles.

Most of his tirade about Kiffin in yesterday’s press conference didn’t make any sense at all and he often contradicted himself in the same damn sentence. He physically handed him the letter, but then says he FedEx’d it? What the fuck, dude? Make up your Mr. Burns-esque ancient damaged mind. He’s clearly the problem with the Oakland Raiders and the team will continue to be one of the laughingstocks of the entire league until he finally dies. However, that will probably never happen, as he’ll likely still be running the Raiders into the ground 500 years from now while he’s nothing but a talking head like in Futurama.

My hope is that Kiffin ends up coaching the Kansas City Chiefs next year and starts beating the crap out of the Raiders every year just like Shanahan and the Denver Broncos. It would be completely befitting and proof that there is indeed a God out there.