If you’re a fan of the booty and love what bitches like Vida and J-Lo have to offer, then you will without question become a fan of Jaime Koeppe because this baby most definitely got back. I’m not ready to throw out any “best ass ever” awards, but this girl would undoubtedly be a finalist and that’s the main reason she’s my Babe of the Week.

I’ve always stated that I’ve been to 48 of the 50 States, but after really mapping out every single trip and move in depth I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve been wrong in my proclamation. Turns out that I’ve only been in 42 of the 50 States, with Alaska, Maine, Iowa, Kansas, Alabama, South Carolina, West Virginia & North Dakota being the States I’ve missed. I used to think it was just Alaska & Maine. Sadly, I’ve only gotten laid in a mere four of the 42 States I’ve ventured into. Now that’s a number that really needs to be improved upon even if it means banging hookers in all fifty. Anyway, here’s a breakdown of everywhere that I’ve been.

I’m just crazy busy at work these days trying to finish up NHL 2K9 for Wii, PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360. I think I’m averaging about 14-16 hours a day and am working all 8 days of each and every week. Oh, wait, there are only 7 days in a week? My bad, it just feels like more.

Anyway, that’s my excuse for the lack of content. I’ve actually had some interesting things that I would write about — including an impromptu adventure that had me end up in Vegas and winning $350 playing Texas Hold ‘Em Bonus — but I’ve been too busy with work to bother sharing. I figure you’ll forgive me since I have been updating Babe of the Week, including just now with my honoring Scarlett Johansson as this week’s chick you should be jerking it to.

My site is being a really huge pain in the ass right now and it’s taken me over a fucking hour just to update the Babe of the Week. This shit shouldn’t take more than five minutes tops, but the back end has just been ridiculously bad. So much so that I’m ready to break shit and start killing people. Lucky for you, I went through all this agonizing pain just so I could put up some really sexy pictures of the Brazilian hottie from The Incredible Hulk — Debora Nascimento. I’m not so sure all of you deserve this kind of love from me, but I do it anyway.

I’m just unbelievably over-joyed right now. The Boston Celtics just came out and steamrolled the LA Lakers 131-92 tonight to win the team’s 17th NBA Championship and first since 1986. This not only ended their 22 year championship drought, but my own as a fan of professional sports, as the Orioles haven’t won since ‘83, the Flyers since ‘75 and the Dolphins since the ‘73 season (the Flyers and Dolphins have never won a title with me as a fan).

The best part about it was this didn’t seem possible even a year ago. We had just finished one of the worst seasons in team history where we tanked the last half of the season in the hopes of getting the 1st pick in the draft lottery to land Oden or Durant. Then the lottery balls don’t fall our way and we end up getting stuck with the 5th pick of the draft all but ending our hopes of building a championship team for years to come. But then Danny boy traded that pick for Ray Allen, which was universally DOGGED on draft day by all the experts, and then used the leverage of having Ray Ray convince Kevin Garnett to accept a trade to wear Celtic green. And, well, the rest is history. We’re the 2008 NBA Champions!

PS - I think this means that The Curse of Dave Z might be finally over!

Alright, so I saw some hot boob action on some DVD box art for this movie called P2 when searching for stuff to put in my Blockbuster queue a while back. That pulled me in. Then I read the plot synopsis on the site, which read:

A corporate workaholic finds that her decision to work late on Christmas Eve has potentially deadly consequences in this thriller starring Wes Bently and Rachel Nichols. It’s that time of the year, and as the snow falls outside and families gather around the dinner table, Angela vows to close one last deal before the holiday. Now late for her family gathering, Angela rushes down to the garage in hopes of racing home and catching dinner before it gets cold. When her car refuses to start, her phone fails to get a signal, and everyone else has already left, it begins to appear as if Angela’s luck may have finally run out. Thankfully, a friendly security guard appears and offers to lend a helping hand. During the course of discussion, the security guard flirtatiously invites Angela to share the Christmas dinner he has prepared in the parking office - an offer that the high-powered corporate climber laughingly dismisses. The next thing Angels knows, she wakes up tied to a chair in the cold security office located on level P2. It appears as if the security guard’s invitation wasn’t optional, and that Christmas dinner was the last thing on his mind. Upon realizing just how serious her situation truly is Angela struggles to escape her subterranean prison and make it out so that she may live to see another Christmas morning. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

Sounds like it could be good for some sexual situations and plenty of nudity, right? Well, it wasn’t. Despite the fact that it starred the sexy Rachel Nichols, who happens to be my Babe of the Week, it was a steaming pile of crap. I’m not even sure what happened in the movie except that we didn’t get to see this bitch’s lovely tits and that’s a damn shame. Cleavage just doesn’t cut it for me and no crappy B-movie like this should be without lots and lots of nudity. That’s one of my biggest pet peeves! Leave me alone right now, I’m pissed.

It’s been two months since I posted my blog entry “Does Extenze Really Work?”, and while I had planned on giving it a full three months, I’ve seen enough — or maybe “not enough” — to call Extenze an epic failure. My length and girth increased by about 3/16th of an inch each, but I’d surmise that it was because my first day measurement was while I was hungover after a night where I downed an entire liter and a half of vodka and since then I’ve lost 10 lbs and haven’t had a drink six weeks. Just remember, I tried it so you don’t have to. Up next will be the John Holmes penis transplant so stay tuned!

Words can’t express how excited I am after watching the Celtics come back from 24 down to beat the Lakers tonight to take a commanding 3-1 series lead. We’re just one win away from my first professional championship in 22 years! I’m still in shock over us coming back and winning this game. I know it’ll suck for people looking for a good series, but I hope we can just go out and win this thing on Father’s day.

Even though Kobe was being his MVP self and Sasha played out of his mind, Game 3 was ours for the taking and we missed out on a great chance to take complete control over this series thanks to some horrible shooting and sloppy play from guys like Paul Pierce. He made some of the laziest passes that ended up being turnovers and was just throwing up bricks left and right while not taking it hard to the hoop. And what’s up with them not fouling when they still had a chance to win or not having a good play call to set up for a three after the time out? Doc Rivers is just retarded some times.

A lot of the credit goes to the Lakers’ D, but guys like Pierce and Garnett just needed to be more aggressive instead of settling for bricks from long range. The reason I thought this was ours for the taking was that despite Kobe’s and Sasha’s efforts, the rest of the team didn’t really do that well. You’re not going to get many games where Odom, Gasol and Fisher all play that poorly on the offensive end in LA. Not to mention the fact that Lakers tried to give it away by making only 61% of their foul shots. I still think we might be able to take at least one of the next two games, but if we don’t then this game will likely be looked at as one that we let slip away.

I haven’t really talked about them that much, but the Miami Hurricanes baseball team has been kicking much ass this year. I try not to get excited about the college baseball season until the College World Series begins, so I’ve been following them with a somewhat cautious excitement. They’re looking really good, though, and we have an excellent chance at winning our 5th National Championship this year — one for the thumb!

The team is also a lot of fun to watch and are loaded with talent — even beyond the three first round draft picks. I haven’t honestly been this excited about watching them since the old school Ron Fraser days when guys like Phil Lane and Greg Ellena were knocking balls out of the park and they were doing things like using the hidden ball trick to help lead them to a title. Win or lose, 2008 is looking like it’ll go down as a great sports year for me. Let’s go Canes!

The best part about going to lunch at The Mall at Northgate (the official name) isn’t the food court or the shopping opportunities (because this mall sucks on both of those counts), but rather for the occasional day like today where it’s overflowing with hot young ass. For the entire time we were there, whether checking out EB (or Gamestop, it keeps changing) or eating at the food court, I always had something nice to ogle including more than a few that were worthy enough for deposit into my Spank Bank™. Tonight’s masturbatory session should be fun!

Even though none of the news was really surprising, I’m pretty damn excited about the official announcement today about new iPhone 3G. It’s just good to have all these rumors be confirmed as official and I can’t wait to buy the 16GB version come July 11th. The 3G will be nice because I use browse the web on it a lot away from the friendly confines of a wireless network (like at my damn office) and when I’m traveling I use the maps quite a bit so the true GPS will definitely make me rock a boner on occasion. I just wish the 2.0 update would’ve come out like right NOW.

I don’t even know what to say after that game. The C’s just dominated the 3rd and the beginning of the 4th up until Kobe & The Kobbette’s started nailing three’s like they were going outta style. The weird thing is that even though the lead was cut down to 2 from 24, I never really felt like we were gonna lose this one. Luckily, my feelings held true and they held them off and are now up in the series 2-0. We can easily lose the next three in LA, so the series isn’t a lock yet. I am definitely happier being up 2-0 than I would if we were down 2-0, though. Go Celtics!

I’m not really sure what sparked this upcoming tirade, although it’s a good bet that it’s a combination of idiotic drivers and moronic message board posters on ESPN.com, but I’ve come to the conclusion that society’s biggest problem is that we’ve evolved to the point where “survival of the fittest” no longer holds true. Due to the advances of technology, modern medicine, or whatever else that plays a role, survival has become more based on random dumb luck than genetic superiority.

The idiots of the world seem to have just as good of a chance to survive life as someone that has been blessed with the extremely rare common sense gene. Sure, Darwinism will still take out a few morons by way of tipped soda machines or mutilation by train while sun bathing on tracks, but it’s not nearly as effective as it once was. Whereas one’s stupidity usually meant an early and very timely death a few hundred years ago, the absolute worst thing that typically happens to today’s comparable morons is the pain and frustration that comes with having to get a new account on some message board because their last one was banned.

Seriously, life isn’t really THAT hard. Stay out of the fast lane if you’re driving the speed limit or slower. Don’t put on your brakes just because someone’s brake lights came on 500 yards in front of you. Think before you open your mouth or even post something on a message board. If you’re a fat man, don’t wear half shirts or speedos. If you’re a fat chick, know that those tight form-fitting clothes or belly shirt you’re wearing are disgusting and ought to be illegal. It’s just common sense people. Yet, somehow, it’s not so common.

We’re just three wins away from an NBA Championship! I know Game 1 doesn’t a series make, but it’s much more important that we win these first two games in Boston than for the Lakers to win even just one so this game was extremely important to me. It was also an amazing game to watch as the series is looking like it could live up to all the Lakers vs. Celtics hype. Game 2 on Sunday will be huge, but I’ll worry about that when the time comes and just try to be excited about this win for the next couple of days. With the Flyers making it deep into the Stanley Cup Playoffs and now with the Celtics in the NBA Finals, this has been one of my best years of a sports fan for quite a long time. Someone needs to tell the Orioles that they ought to be winning more for me! Seriously, did they not get the memo??

Even though the outcome wasn’t what I wanted, tonight’s Game 6 where the Detroit Red Wings won the Cup against the Pittsburgh Penguins was a joy to watch. I just really wish that puck would’ve found a way into the net with about a second and a half on the clock because that would’ve been an instant classic for the Wings to be seconds away from hoisting the Cup only to be denied for the 2nd straight game. It didn’t go in and Hockeytown is once again home of Lord Stanley’s Cup. I just wish we could’ve had a Game 7. Now that would’ve been bomb.

Athletes have it made. Not only do they make millions playing sports hundreds of thousands of fat fucks like me worldwide would do for free (albeit just for a few minutes before taking a Taco Bell break), they usually get to hook up with the hottest of chicks.

Of course, some end up with disgusting aliens (sorry Mr. Beckham, but I wouldn’t touch Posh with my 6″ pole even after downing a liter of whiskey), but others, such as Ashely Cole, land fine ass honeys like my latest Babe of the Week, the girl formerly known as Cheryl Tweedy.

Tonight’s Game 5 between the Pittsburgh Penguins and Detroit Red Wings is without a doubt one of the best games of hockey I’ve ever witnessed. Hell, it’s probably the best playoff or finals game I’ve seen in any sport that didn’t feature one of my favorite teams. Not only did it go into triple overtime but it was non-stop action for the entire game. The guys on both teams played their hearts out for nearly the equivalent of two full games and the Pens’ Marc-Andre Fleury played out of his mind and made jaw-dropping saves all night. I’m hoping Pitt is able to pull out Game 6 at home so we can have a Game 7. Now that would be fucking amazing, especially if it proved to be as close and hard fought at tonight’s contest.