A lot of people seem to wonder about why my favorite teams are from all over the place and I’ve explained this many times, with the simple answer being that my dad was in the Air Force and we were stationed in Guam at the time I started following sports religiously. However, I haven’t really expounded too much on where exactly I’ve lived throughout my life. Here’s a basic rundown (I’m sure I’m off a little on some of the year ranges):
1973 (Taiwan): I was born in Taiwan and lived there for a couple of months before flying back to the states. I was born a citizen of the United States and my birth certificate was signed by the infamous Henry Kissenger. As far as I know, I’d be eligible to run for President, however it’s debatable.
1973(?)-1978:(St. Saint Marie, Michigan): My dad was stationed at Kincheloe Air Force Base and I think we were there for four years — however, it might have been a two year stay and I just have no memory of the previous place. This is where my younger brother, John, was found next to a waterfall in a picnic basket (at least that was what we’d tell him) and all I really remember was walking to school in the snow and building tunnels in snow drifts that were taller than the windows to my 2nd story bedroom.
1978-1980 (Shreveport, Louisiana): We spent two years stationed at Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana. I have more memories from here, with the highlights being driving to watch Star Wars in a movie theater, one of our friends taking a big dump all over our Legos (and us still playing with them with dried up poop chunks in them), my lil bro actually kicking one of his friend’s butts for being mean to me, and not being allowed to cross the river cause that’s where the “bad people” were.
1980-1984 (Guam): I consider the four years while we were stationed in Anderson Air Force Base on Guam to be some of my prime childhood years. It was when I would pretend to pass out just so I could look up girls’ dresses. It was when we went to the beach 3-4 times a month and it was when I really began following sports and “chose” the Steelers (then Dolphins), Hurricanes, Celtics, Orioles, and Flyers as my favorites. I also was a fan of Mike Tyson (followed him VERY early in his career), the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, AJ Foyt, Chris Evert-Loyd, John Mcenroe, the New York Cosmos and Chip Hanauer (those hydroplane boats). Guam was also the place where I first masturbated to a celebrity — TJ Hooker’s Heather Locklear.
1984-1986 (Neah Bay, Washington): While we only spent two years at Makah Air Force Station in Neah Bay Washington, it was probably two of the most memorable early years of my life. It was without question my peak years as an athlete and as a brilliant mind. I was allowed to take four years of High School math in my first year of Junior High, I scored in the 1500s on my SATs, my IQ tested in the 180s, and I could effortlessly throw the football 80+ yards with pinpoint accuracy and I once hit 110 straight foul shots as part of a bet and could nail 3-pointers better than most pros.
1986-1998 (Dover, Delaware): This is where my mental decline started — when we moved to Dover Air Force Base in Delaware. The high school didn’t accept the credits from my previous school, so I was forced to take all the Algebra and Calculus classes again and this bored me beyond belief. It made me lose my will to learn because it seemed pointless re-taking all the same courses again. I spent most of the time in class during high school either staring at the hot chicks or sleeping if the class was void of them.
I did have a decent football career, as we won the 1990 State Championship, but even this was a letdown because I never was able to get a chance to play QB and my skills as a thrower subsequently diminished. They wouldn’t let the fatty play QB so I had to play on the line — which I ended up being pretty good at. I also never played high school basketball because before the first tryout, the freshmen coach made a joke saying that this was “basketball tryouts, we’re not looking for trainers” when he saw my fat ass come to play. I scored 24 of my team’s 36 points in the scrimmage that night on 12 for 12 shooting (they weren’t counting 3s) and commented to the coach “not bad for a trainer” before leaving the practice and never returning. I did it while dealing with torn ankle ligaments from the just-finished football season.
After high school, I went to college for a couple years with the University of Delaware before dropping out because I had to work 80+ hours a week just to pay for the education. It wasn’t a problem the first year, as I made the Dean’s List, but eventually I started missing classes and then exams because I had to work. It seemed pointless to work my ass off to pay for school that I couldn’t attend so I dropped out. My felony conviction shortly followed and this made it impossible to find work in the State because I was required by law to let people know I was a convicted felon when I dropped off any job application. This led me to do online stuff that started with Sega-Saturn.com and Eidolon Gamers’ Society (as well as some work with Gaming Age).
1998-1999 (Redding, California): The move to Redding to work for Working Designs was the first non-Air Force inspired move of my life. The idea of it scared the crap out of me but it was something I knew I had to do at the time. It was an extremely smart move as it essentially thrust me into the life I’m living today. Even though it was a great move and I loved my Working Designs experience, my time at Redding was also the most depressing two years of my life. It was when I first started drinking alcohol (I had only gotten drunk once prior to this and only drank a total of twice) and it’s when I first became a hardcore alcoholic.
The most notable memories here were testing Magic Knight Rayearth (so buggy that I started drinking), back-to-back nights of chugging an entire bottle of tequila and then immediately chasing it down with a six-pack of Sam Adams, the hellish E3’s with Working Designs, doing some first-draft writing for Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete (only 1 line of my text made it into the final game…not sure how it got past Vic or Zach), and the nightmare of my best friend getting killed in a car accident when she was driving in my car.
1999-Present (San Francisco, California): While there have my ups and downs, the move to San Francisco and my time in the Bay Area has been the best of my life. I loved my job at IGN and I love my current job with Visual Concepts. The alcoholism notwithstanding, my personal life has been equally amazing. I’ve banged out bitches I had thought were out of my league, I’ve had a pair of threesomes, I got to watch the Miami Hurricanes win a National Championship, and I’ve taken work trips/vacations to Orlando, NYC, Miami, Shanghai, Hawaii, Los Angeles, Tokyo and Las Vegas. And even though I’m back up to 340 lbs right now, I had the greatest weight loss in my life when I went from 386 in late 2003 to 238 in the spring/summer of 2004. And although I’ve gotten my debt back up to $20k, this was also the period where I paid of the $30k of debt that riddled me during my entire time post-High School in both Dover, DE and Redding, CA. I’ve grown up a lot here and am poised for an even greater and more-successful future thanks to this growth as a human being (and lovable pervert).
I foresee myself eventually living in some or all of the following cities for at least a year or two of my life: Los Angeles, New York, Ft. Lauderdale/Miami, Tokyo, London, Sydney & Rome.