I must be losing my touch because I haven’t been into the newest batch of teen pop stars as much I was during the Lindsay/Hilary, Britney/Christina, or Debbie/Tiffany days. I guess Britney’s fall from grace has burned me some and that’s not a good thing!
My lack of interest has almost made me miss out on some glorious (legal) teenage ass, such as my newest Babe of the Week, Vanessa Hudgens. That would’ve been a bad thing because this petite lil sweetheart is one of those kinky types that send nudes to her boyfriend. God bless her and every other girl that does the same!
I believe it was the night of Tuesday, June 19th, and I was about halfway through a 1.5L bottle of Smirnoff when my friend Jackie IM’d me saying that I should come visit her in New York City for the weekend. I was drunk enough that I said, “sure!” and followed up by booking a flight and hotel for the upcoming weekend despite a mere 72 hours notice.
I had never really been “in” NYC before, so I figured why the hell not. I went ahead and set myself up with a decent hotel in downtown Manhattan, the Millennium Hilton right next to Ground Zero for 9/11, and then just prepared myself the best I could for the unplanned weekend getaway.
Things didn’t start off too great, however. Here’s what I wrote about “The Plane Trip From Hell”:
I said they’d go 16-0 back when they got Randy Moss and they did. I guess that makes me a genius! Only problem here is that I’m a Miami Dolphin fan, so while I may revel in my genius in predicting 16-0 for the Pats, I must also deal with the pain I feel caused by one of my least favorite teams finishing with a perfect regular season. At least it’s not the Jets!
Whatever happened to it? For whatever reason (bored, horny, etc), I’ve been on a bit of a sex tape hunt the past 24 hours. One of them that I have had no luck checking out is the apparently dirty and hardcore sex tape with Olivia Mojica, a top 24 finalist from American Idol.
I followed about 100 pages of links, but couldn’t find anything. Every site that had posted pictures and/or videos from it either had broken links or notices that the content was removed do to copyright reasons. The official Vivid site for it has a big “coming soon” image and it appears that it was supposed to be released way back in May. A couple of sites reported that its release was delayed indefinitely, but I couldn’t find much follow-up. So…what the fuck happened to it?
With the fake birthday of Jesus now behind us (he was really born around September 29, 5 B.C. and not the same day as the Roman Sun God that we worship every Christmas, you fucking God-hating pagans!), the next big birthday is mine on March 5th. I’ll be 35 years old and it just hit me that I don’t yet have a good victory pose.
As my good friend Abe says, “everyone needs a victory pose”. Yet, I still don’t have one. I’ve tried a bunch, but nothing that I would really call “mine”. I tend to use the NPH in Harold & Kumar or the arms raised, head looking up while on your knees pose from Platoon. They work but they’re not “mine” and that sucks. I need a good Victory Pose!
Just in case one of you wants the beautiful singing in the video below without the video, here’s the brilliant recording in a strictly audio format. Yeah, I know, I’m one of the greatest vocalists that has ever walked this green Earth!
With a little Christmas vodka in my blood to get me in the true holiday spirit, I’ve decided to sing a few Christmas songs for your viewing and listening displeasure! Straight from my heart and all the way through to my liver, I wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas! (or Happy Tuesday if you’re Jewish or just don’t celebrate this shit!)
After some research, I’ve since learned that she’s been a big deal in the fashion industry since the late ’90s. But, truth be told, the lovely Miranda Kerr has been known to me as simply “that new Victoria’s Secret Angel” for much of the past year. For names matter not when you’re dealing with imaginative sexual relationships with women you’ve never once met.
The only reason I even bothered myself with a name was that I felt like making her Babe of the Week and the Google results for “that cute Victoria’s Secret chick that Dave Z jerks it to” didn’t turn up with enough pictures of her. So I found her name and she’s now the Babe of the Week so that’ll hopefully keep the friction going long enough to keep you warm for the holidays.
I still didn’t have that great of a week following Body-for-Life. I got my ass into the gym four times this past week, which is an increase from the week before, but still a couple short from where I need to be. My food selection was also improved from last week, but also not where it needs to be. Nevertheless, I dropped about 1.6 lbs, so that’s better than gaining weight at this point so I’ll take it! I’ve got no excuses for not making it to the gym six days this week because I’m on vacation from work and work’s usually been my excuse for not making it to the gym.
I rented X-Men: The Official Game from Gamefly.com because I’m a complete achievement whore and it was supposed to be an “easy 1000″. The decision to rent and play this game has been one of the biggest fuck ups in my entire life. I’m not even joking. While my life has been paved with mistakes, such as my felony conviction and every time I shove food down my throat like a pig, none have made me regret my actions even half as much as I feel for renting this game.
It’s god awful. A big steaming pile of shit. It’s one of the worst games I’ve played. Ever. And this is coming from someone who reviewed more than 400 games for the PS & PS2 while at IGN.com and has been playing games on pretty much every platform since the Atari 2600. Trying to force my way through this game to get the 1000 achievement points is the most excruciating challenge I’ve yet faced. Taking a hammer to my testicles while someone’s shoving a German pick axe up my ass while my head is submerged in bear feces would be a significantly more enjoyable experience than playing this piece of crap.
I went to Best Buy yesterday looking to get a new TV stand that better fits my 42″ LCD HDTV. However, when we got there, the annoying guy at the front who typically says his hello after you’ve already walked past him mentioned that they just got a big shipment of Wii’s in stock, so I decided to pick up one of those instead.
It’s such a cute little system. I really wish the 360 and PS3 were this compact. Sadly, all I have so far is the Wii Sports that came with it because I didn’t have enough available funds. That will be changing shortly, however, as I got a $100 gift card from work for Amazon.com and I used it to order Super Mario Galaxy, HD cables, another Wii-mote with the Wii Play games. Come December the 27th, I’ll be able to enjoy the jizz-inducing splendor that is Super Mario Galaxy. I can’t wait!
One of the most popular things I did back in the IGN days was undoubtedly the “Dave Z Dances with Britney Spears” video. It was quite simply a video of my tubby butt playing the dancing game Stepping Selection for the PS2 and quite a few people got a kick out it. If you missed it the first time, well, worry not, as I’ve got it right here for your viewing pleasure!
It’s kinda slow at work with Christmas being next week and all. As a result, random emails will be sent out with some of the strangest of links. One that really caught my eye was for this pencil sharpener where you stick the pencil up the ass of some headless chick on all fours. It also had a link to another divine gift that’s a chick’s ass hole that you put out your cigarette out in. What’s wrong with people?
My boy Abe sent me this link at work and I must say that the house in the article is my dream home. With or without all that marijuana, just having some place with a bad ass underground climate-controlled bunker would be fucking off the charts amazing. The only issue would be in deciding which Victoria’s Secret model I’d kidnap first!
According to ESPN.com sources, it looks as if legendary head coach Bill Parcells might be ready to sign a four year contract to be the VP of football operations for the Miami Dolphins. It’s fairly big news, but I honestly have mixed emotions about it.
I never shared this before, but noticed it in some random folder and thought it’d be cool to post. It’s a screen grab of me from my most recently released title, All Pro Football 2K8 for Xbox 360 & PS3.
I just have to find out if that includes guys who play the drums in Rock Band. Either way, I just can’t get enough of it. I just had a protein shake for lunch so instead of just wandering around the mall on my break, I opted to head home and get in some drumming action in Rock Band.
I’m still kind of shitty — average 70% to 80% on Easy — but am noticing some improvement in areas, such as the use of the foot pedal and certain drum combinations. I still have problems with really quick changes and fast ares, but when there’s a part where I really “feel” the beat and get in a groove, it’s dick-tingling awesome. I had this 76 note streak on a song that made me feel like I was playing the drums for real and it got me so worked up I was ready to go down on myself.
Normally when some white trash 16 year old gets knocked up nobody blinks an eye. That’s not the case when the trailer trash preggo teen is the younger sister of the White Trash Queen, Britney Spears. It just seems like yesterday that Britney was a sexy 17-year-old that was so hot that you could overlook the fact that her eyes were spaced hella apart and that one was a bit lazy and crooked. The world was hers for the taking.
That Britney no longer exists as she’s somehow managed to transform herself from a teenage bubblegum pop princess to gutter trash that you would be embarrassed to tell your friends about if you fucked her. Britney’s life went to shit and now it looks like the same future will be had by her younger sister now that she’s been impregnated by her boyfriend. If Jamie proves to be twice the mom of her big sister, then the child will still face constant danger of an early death caused by negligence. Let’s all pray she puts the kid up for adoption!
The beginning of the year was a busy time for me because I was finishing up work on APF 2K8, but I did manage to squeeze in some fun time. Things started off with a visit from my good friend and one-time Babe of the Week Erica Ramos in the middle of March. She was in town doing some modeling for Hot Import Nights and afterwards, I gave her the world-renowned Dave Z tour of San Francisco before just chilling at my place for a few days, mostly laughing our asses off doing whatever.
If you would like to see a glimpse of the top part of Megan Fox’s bare nipple or just want to see the rest of the photos I’ve included, then you’ll be happy to know that I’ve just made the sexy brunette starlet this week’s Babe of the Week. She was first featured back in May ‘04, but she’s become a much bigger star since then.
Ms. Fox stole every scene in Transformers that she was a part of and her appearances at awards shows have made things like the Kid’s Choice Awards a highly-jerkable form of entertainment. For a lot of guys she’s even replaced Jessica Alba as the “IT” girl as far as hot young actresses are concerned.
I must be losing my touch because I haven’t been into the newest batch of teen pop stars as much I was during the Lindsay/Hilary, Britney/Christina, or Debbie/Tiffany days. I guess Britney’s fall from grace has burned me some and that’s not a good thing!
